Mike

I think it works!!

Hey guys. I've updated the CAPTCHA license keys and settings; apparently Google discontinued the CAPTCHA we were using; now we're set up to use their new version. Please let me know if you still have trouble!

@zk - I'd love to do a book! Maybe someday, if preparing for grad school ever slows down. @JustinW - Thanks for the feedback! I cleaned up the profanity. @TinyBuddah - Happy to hear it helped!

UPDATE: As promised, here's the new article: A Bunch of Random Tips for Quitting Adderall. Let me know what you think. Thank you again everybody for donating! I can't begin to express how much that helps.

Ok update: Thanks to a recent promotion at work (mixed blessing), my life has been more crazy than usual (at least I'm a workaholic for a good purpose now, which I'm happy about). I'm still working on that article I promised, and will get it up as soon as I can. Thank you all again for the wonderful donations.

Ah! Thank you guys so much! You are all permanently in my cool book. This thread inspired the biggest run of donations in the site's history. It really made my day; I think you guys covered like 1/5th of the year's costs in the last 48 hours. I will make this up to you with one huge new blog article in the next two weeks (I've been meaning to write it for a year or so, and finally started today in the wake of all the donations). Again, thank you guys (and gals!) so much.

@Zk - Noted about the supplements! There are some that have been covered in psychology studies, so I can start with those and try to cut through the BS a little. You were actually pretty accurate with your cost estimate. The site costs about $800/year to run. I don't think you'll ever see ads on this site. Once the site started getting popular I got offers from advertisers, and turned them all down. I'd rather run the site at a loss than junk it up.

Hey Everybody! I’m touched that you guys actually started a thread about donating. I really appreciate the gesture, and thank you so much for the donations that some of you have already sent. A single dollar donated by you here glitters and shines for me like it’s laced with magic and happiness, and it makes it easier to keep the lights on too, which is nice. 6 years! And this^. A hundred times this. I wrote about quitting Adderall the most fervently when it was a hard, daily struggle for me. Nowadays, I don't really struggle with it. Given the right task, I can concentrate for 12+ hours happily. It's not an issue of finding the will to work or finding the focus anymore. It's finding the hours. Time-wise, I’m basically living three lives: I’m a software developer, an aspiring PhD student in psychology, and a web-entrepreneur/writer guy. I'm studying Industrial-Organizational psychology in school, which is essentially "psychology of people at work." Figures, right? As you can imagine, a lot of what I’m learning is obscenely relevant to the process of quitting Adderall and climbing your way back up to superstar-producer status. I really want to come back to QuittingAdderall, write new articles, and be more present here on the forums, but right now it's a time issue. The good news is that later this year I’ll get some extra hours in my week, and I plan to dedicate some of those hours to QuittingAdderall.com. In addition to coming back to articles and the forums, I may write an eBook on quitting Adderall. It would include all new tips, plus relevant psychology for the quitting process. Does that interest you guys? Once I start grad school, there won’t be room in my meager PhD student stipend for server fees, so I have a year to make my sites pay for themselves somehow. I figure a $5-10 eBook might be a better at generating a little income from the site, versus depending on donations (which are wonderful, but too inconsistent to rely on). If you guys have ideas, I’m all ears. And let me know what you'd like to see in the book! Until I’m officially back I will continue to keep the forum software up-to-date, and respond to any issues that the admins notify me about. Thanks again for this thread. It really made my day to see it. Sorry for being so AWOL for so long. As Zerokewl suggested, it's because of my successful recovery that I'm so damned absent. Do you remember the analogy of the giant stone wheel in Dr. Jekyll's Hangover? Well, I spent so many years trying to get the wheel moving, and now it's spinning so fast that I'm getting friction burns. I kind of have 3 wheels: work, school, websites. My goal is to eliminate the "day job" wheel so that I can focus on making the school and website wheels spin way faster. But until I can do that, I have to keep running between wheels like a madman, keeping their momentum up. For Sebastian05... At year 1, I felt awkward and kind of formless. I think my depression peaked around year 2 or 3. So not to scare you: But it might even get worse. This is such an agonizingly long, slow journey. You're basically changing you're whole life's course, and that takes a ton of time and effort. It's kind of like how a cruise ship has a really large turning radius. Set your expectations for success farther into the future. That will help you cope with not being "right" yet, and will set your threshold for size-of-noticeable-change lower. When you expect the journey to be really long, it's easier to appreciate small uplifts that suggest you're headed in the right direction (versus expecting all the success and happiness to hit you at once). So do I, but they pass more quickly. My depression/anxiety episodes used to last weeks, now they're down to minutes. The best advice I can offer you here? Action breaks the cycle of worry. Modify the stressor. Always, always fight the stressor as fast and hard as you can. This is called active coping. Instead of just telling yourself that it's going to be alright, you effortfully modify the situation so that it is less painful (not pain-free, just less painful). If you make this a habit, it will do you a world of good. Also, mindfulness meditation helps with both anxiety and the ADD. Now when I encounter an anxiety trigger, I start doing a little mini-meditation, and it helps make me less reactive. It's like: 1. Huge stress. 2. QUICK GO ABSTRACT BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT. The idea is that if you practice active coping (modify the stressor) enough, it becomes compulsive. And that's wonderful. You'll find yourself fighting the situation before you've let your anxiety run away with itself. And 75% of the time, all it takes to make a situation less stressful is seeking out more information --- filling in knowledge potholes that you're currently pouring anxiety and pessimism into. ^That should be your only criteron for success. Growth, not attainment. Better, not perfect. This is not it. Not if you keep pushing and getting a little better one year at a time. Plateaus happen. And they suck. But if you keep pushing, you'll break them. Feeling like you've hit a plateau may mean that you just need a novel challenge to pull you up to that next level. At least, that's what keeps working for me. Does that help?

Actually, I had the opposite experience. Writing was the one thing I couldn't do while on Adderall. On Adderall, my writing would be over-styled and full of lengthy tangents. Plus I'd get jammed-up overanalyizing everything. Good writing requires ruthless prioritization and fat-trimming, and my sober brain is way better at that than my Adderall brain. Also, after quitting Adderall I found I was less satisfied with writing something for its own sake. As in, I stopped writing things nobody read and started writing things in public. On Adderall, writing was always that thing I meant to make time for, but never did. Since quitting Adderall, I rarely go two days without writing something. I know you guys don't see much of it here anymore, but I created another website after this one that kind of blew up (even moreso than quittingadderall.com), so that's where a lot of my writing ends up these days. @PostAdderall - You need to get that flow started again. It's like your writing muscle has atrophied. It took me a while to get back into the swing of it, but once I did, well...I still haven't stopped pouring it out. I know it might be disheartening to feel like you suddenly can't articulate your ideas, but that actually might be a sign that your entering a new phase as a writer. To me, that's a sign that your brain has started to treat writing and communicating like a problem to solve. The problem is "How do I say this clearly?" And that's how you should be thinking. Great pieces of writing start with that frustrating problem. If I had any tips for getting over that, it would be this: Spit it out. As simply and stupidly as you can. Turn off the part of your brain that wants to be eloquent and stylistic, and just type out the jist of what you're trying to say in your own words. Then go from there. Also, The Artist's Way really, really helped me get back my writing ability. The whole book is full of exercises designed to help "blocked" artists get back in their groove. Anyhow, good luck. And if you want to test your skills by writing an article for the main blog, I'd be happy to put it up! Also, FWIW, I still have trouble writing about myself haha. I think that's just a personality thing more than a writing ability thing.

Hi Newboy, Again, I'm just a laymen. But I don't think you've done any permanent damage, especially at that low a dose for that short of a time. Usually, quitting Adderall leaves you slightly worse off than you were before you took Adderall. You have your pre-Adderall chemistry, but the work habits you relied on before Adderall have atrophied. It's like you've been walking with crutches for 5 months and now you're trying to run on your own without them. You're going to be a little sore and awkward at first, but if you keep at it you'll be back to your original strength. For somebody who has been on it for years, their muscles are much more atrophied, so their rebuilding period is much longer. Nearly all of the rebuilding is psychological. Based on your situation, it should only take you half a year or so and you'll be totally back to normal or better.... With one exception. You will still have the memory of what it was like to work on Adderall, and that may haunt you a little. I know it's a little scary right now, but I promise you it'll get better in time.

Yeah sorry about that, guys. Apparently the new trend is human spammers, which are much more difficult to prevent than automated bots. Speaking of which, either of you guys want to be Moderators? I could really use help keeping the spam down, and if you became a moderator, you'd be able to delete those posts and ban those bastards when you see them, instead of having to wait on me to do it.

Well done, babysteps! It's a hugely good sign that you feel that sense of excitement and joy about quitting. When you get that feeling, you know you've done something good for yourself, and that a new and happier phase of life has begun. Thanks for posting your story!

I too am curious about NA meetings. So if anybody attends, I'd love to hear about it too! If you're considering it, I think it would definitely help more than hurt to try attending a meeting, tinybuddah. Otherwise, if you really get in a jam, just shoot me an email and I'll be your digital sponsor!

Hi alaska98, You need a better reason to quit than paranoia about symptoms you've never noticed. If Adderall was helping you, it might just be your needed fix. The short version on withdrawal side effects: Besides the fatigue, just amplify whatever ADD symptoms you had before taking Adderall times at least 2x...until the withdrawal wears off and you're mostly back to where you were before Adderall (but usually a little worse off at first).

Hi Bethe! Congrats on quitting! The thirsty thing sounds pretty normal, especially since you're probably going through amphetamine AND alcohol withdrawal right now. To me, being extra thirsty when you quit is kind of symbolic. It's funny you call it "the fall". That's my own term for it (in my head) as well. Really, you'll find that it feels like that. It feels like a big fall, and the years to come are picking yourself back up, one step at a time, until one day you're better off than you were even during your Adderall honeymoon. I don't know what you're doing, job-wise, but hopefully you've been doing it long enough now that it's become kind of routine and you can go on autopilot to some degree. It might be uncomfortable at first, since you're accustomed to having a mix of drugs and alcohol in your system to soften the day. But you get used to it. Definitely give it at least 45 days. If your ADD is proves too unwieldy for your current occupation, there are always non-stimulant options...or my personal favorite: a different career. Good luck in your recovery! And glad you like the site!

I haven't tried that one, but if the label is accurate, that sounds like a pretty high-concentration mix. Maybe I could switch to that and save myself some money over Nordic Naturals... Although I'm not sure I could give up the nice lemon flavor that NordicNaturals adds. Totally eliminates fish burps.

Dear tinybuddha, One of the most crucial steps in recovery is reaching the point of being disgusted with your own actions. Without that step, non of the other recovery steps can occur. Relapses happen, especially when you're on a major quitting attempt. And you didn't really relapse badly. You're still at lower doses than you were before. As long as you don't let yourself creep back up on the dose, and as long as you stay focused on going back down, this is still progress. But keep that self-disgust high. It's helpful right now. And thankfully you've already achieved some clarity about your relationship...better now than later. Good to have that already figured out. It's a good idea to minimize your obligations like you're doing. This is, in my experience, more important than having a support infrastructure. Your less-obligating environment IS your support infrastructure to some degree. You're not going to mess this up. You've got this. You're on the right road. You fell back a couple of steps, but not all the way back. You're still ahead, your still solidly on your way. No shake it off and start plodding ahead again.

Hi Kaylin! Of all the things to hate yourself for, writing a long post shouldn't be one of them. Especially not on this site. Look around. Every post is a novel! All the better, as far as I'm concerned. You're venting feelings that you've kept inside for too long; it's bound to come out in a gush. Now, as for your current struggle... Don't get too hung up on the whole "Is it me or is the the pill?" dilemma. Believe me, I know it feels like the pill is doing the work, but that's not the case. It's still you. And everything you accomplish on Adderall is still yours. You had that in you; the Adderall just brought it out. I don't say this in the way that a doctor would say it. I don't mean to say that it's just medication and doesn't alter you, sometimes corrupt you, or make you do things that you wouldn't normally do. I know that it does. I say this as somebody who has been through that dilemma and come out the other side of it. The whole "Is it really my success?" thing is just not worth worrying about. It's wasted worry. There are lots of issues related to Adderall that are worth worrying yourself sick over, but that isn't one of them. It is more important to worry about whether the nature of the work fits your true self or not. Don't worry about whether you're able to do the work only because of Adderall; worry whether you're choosing this particular work only because it's what's in front of you/it's something other people approve of you for. That, to me, is the difference between somebody who is helped by Adderall and somebody who is hurt by it. If you're passionate about a direction but can't seem to reach your dreams without Adderall, then maybe it works in your case, but if you're using Adderall to manufacture passion...then you're damaging yourself. In your case, your unfocused pre-Adderall life seems like pretty textbook ADD. Your current Adderall life sounds more like you're dosages are too high. Maybe you need to be somewhere in the middle. If you dose yourself at the right level and consistently, you should still be able sleep every night. Now, as for being a worthless failure and everybody else being worthy of their achievements. That's depression talking. But that depression could be caused by real failures. To fix it, you may need to find a way to succeed for the sake of succeeding. To do that you'll have to learn to keep plodding along even when you've run out of passion (relevant article: Passion vs. Self-Discipline). You've got to be a pretty bright girl to maintain a 3.8 GPA, Adderall or no. Your capabilities are high, even if you haven't found a way to prove that to yourself yet. As much as you can, try to see yourself for your potential when times get dark, and for your tangible accomplishments (or lack thereof) when times are good. The idea is to not let yourself get too low or too overconfident. Tangible success matters most, but in the mean time your huge innate potential is what will eventually get you there. But tangible success doesn't have to mean money and peer group approval if you don't want it to. You can and should set your own definition of success...one that will make you feel fulfilled and happy, everybody else be damned. I promise you that people don't hate you. You have one best friend who thinks highly enough of you to stick around. That means you've got something worth paying attention to. Don't keep using alcohol to cope with social anxiety. You don't have to be Ms. Conversationalist all the time. But again there, the alcohol is just loosening up your inhibitions enough to let out a part of you that's there anyways. It'd be better to practice ignoring your over active filter while sober and see where that takes you. Now I've written a novel. In short: try taking your dose down a little, man-up on your social phone calls, and never forget your potential. Don't know if that helps at all. But best of luck, and please come back and post updates!

Hi Emily! Thanks for posting your story. If you've stayed off Adderall for 69+ days, then you've already past the physically hard part; you're beyond the point where most people turn back. And you've already taken some good steps like getting your GED! Now it sounds like you're just stuck with the philosophical dilemma (what do I do with my days)? It's easy when you can't figure out what to do to think back on Adderall and idealize it. On Adderall it sure felt like you had purpose. And even if that feeling was manufactured, it's at least preferable to feeling totally lost and lacking passion/direction. The circumstances under which you were prescribed it sound incredibly sketchy to me, so I'm going to assume for a sec that you do not need Adderall. If that is the case, then you should do yourself the service of taking time to think about what kind of life would make you happy. Adderall supplants this in-built need to find direction, but now you're are having to face this hunger for fulfillment full-on. You are still young. Very few people know for sure what they want to do with their lives at 19. Hell, I'm 28 and I'm only 90% sure what I want to do. The important thing is not to decide everything now. Just listen to you heart and try to use those feelings to pick a general direction and then head off that way. This usually means college. If you haven't done any college yet, start there. While you're stewing about lacking passion and direction, you can at least be honing your study skills and knocking out core classes. Then when you decide on a direction you'll already be very far along. Plus it'll make you happier to feel progress towards a future every day. Also: Maybe lay off dating for a little while until you've set your own ambitions in motion. Dating is a very easy distraction, and you don't want distractions right now. Once you start chasing a life that fits you better, you may find a guy that fits you better as well! Just my 2 cents. Hang in there!

In case anybody's interested, here's my experiences with Omega 3. I had experimented with Fish Oil before, but never really got consistent about it. The day I decided to really try Omega 3: One day, I was on a tech support call walking a middle-aged woman through a complicated task related to her website (like trying to teach your mom something more complicated than HTML over the phone). I went on several tangents and dismissed them by saying "You don't have to remember this; I'll put the really necessary stuff in my notes for you." After I was done, I asked her to try to go through the process on her own. To my surprise, she hit every step with perfect accuracy, even the tangents. I asked her if she took notes. Nope. So I said, half-jokingly, "Well your memory is phenomenal. What, do you take a gallon of Omega 3 every day?". To this she replied: "Yes, actually. Every day for at least 10 years." Plus I've read reports that regular fish oil intake actually leads to structural brain changes (bigger ventricles or something). For the last 6 months, I've taken Omega 3 daily in various forms. I have landed on Nordic Naturals products because of their high concentration and thoughtful, fish-taste-killing lemon juice. Here's the stuff I've tried... Fish Oil - Couldn't get used to swallowing a spoonful of disgusting fish oil every day. Always forgot, and eventually gave up. Generic Omega 3 - Low price and crap quality meant I didn't even finish the bottle. Nordic Naturals Complete Omega + EPA (separate bottles) Nordic Naturals Complete Omega + DHA (separate bottles) Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega When I first started taking Omega 3 regularly I had regular bouts of extreme depression, and occasional bouts of mania (kind of like mild bipolar). It may be other factors, but since taking regular, high-concentration doses Omega 3 I feel much more level. Fewer bouts of depression, and fewer bouts of mania as well. With the Omega 3 + EPA specifically I felt like I was on a mild dose of prozac or something after about a month. Anyhow, I'm happy with the effects that I feel Omega 3 has had on me, and intend to keep taking it for the foreseeable future. Now that it has helped stabilize my mood, hopefully it'll help prevent age-related brain decline, which I grow increasingly paranoid about. Incidentally, I now take a regular dose of Nordic Naturals Ultimate Omega, which is about 1000mg Omega 3 with also high concentrations of DHA and EPA. If I had unlimited money, I would probably have stayed on a 1.5 dose of NN Complete Omega as well as a normal dose of concentrated EPA, as that seemed to work best, even though DHA is supposed to be the brain-boosting one.

Hey Guys, Thought I'd create us a new forum section to discuss supplements and such. Eventually if we get enough good information in here I'll create a nicely-formatted page off the main site with pictures and such so we can have a centralized list of supplements with reviews. So if you've tried a supplement or an energy drink while quitting Adderall, please post your experience!

Good luck, justjon! You sound like you're well-prepped and ready to take your cold-turkey beating, which won't be so bad if you've already stepped down to 15mg. Next step is finding a different kind of job. Keep writing updates!

Hey Emily! Just wanted to let you know that your great story came through on that article loud and clear, but it'll be nice to have here too. This, more than any other, is the thing that keeps me off it. I feel like I've traded a bunch of shallow accomplishments for a fewer number of meaningful ones. Like you said...success just feels more concrete when it's earned through will.

NA like Narcotics Anonymous? Good luck!