jeffersontbs

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About jeffersontbs

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  1. Helpful Podcasts/Books!

    Matthew, Thank you for your response! I, myself have also run out 2-3 weeks early and it is the absolute worst. I will have to check out On Speed and continue to find some helpful tools that I will share. Good luck!!
  2. Helpful Podcasts/Books!

    Does anyone have any recommendations for some podcasts or books that have been helpful in the journey to becoming sober from add meds? I am also struggling with alcohol dependency/abuse. I have listened to podcasts like The Bubble Hour, Recovery Happy Hour, and That Sober Guy, which have helped some at least with understanding my out of control drinking habits, but I haven't found much on adderall addiction recovery. I am currently reading More, Now, Again which hits pretty close to home but am interested in seeing what you guys may have found that has helped you. I am currently feeling a little motivated right now...I ran out of my scrip 10 days early (per usual) again and was dreading an upcoming move I had to make. This past weekend, I moved from once city to another and I actually got through it, with energy, without my drugs! I packed and unpacked and sweated and actually found myself smiling at times when usually I'm so jacked up, serious, and super focused I have to force myself to smile. I was feeling so much dread and anxiety the days leading up to the move because I know I wouldn't have my fix that gave me energy and hyper focus for the ever so stressful process of moving. And to be honest I don't remember the last time I moved without it (been on adderall or a form of it since middle school and currently 28). I actually thought about not refilling my next scrip because of how great I felt at the time...HA! That didn't last, unsurprisingly. Looking forward to hearing from you all. Happy 4th!
  3. Quitting adderall podcasts?

    Does anyone have any podcasts that have been helpful in their journey to quitting adderall?
  4. My story..advice?

    Liz3345, I am in a similar situation and just posted something on one of the forums hoping to get some advice on how to get completely off the medicine and what motivates you to stick with it. I, myself have never really been religious. Half of my family is pretty religious, but I never got into it. I have been reading a couple books and researching and I keep seeing references to "believing". Not necessarily in God, but having some sort of spiritual connection, to a higher power, to allow you to accept you actually don't have all the "willpower", that there is something bigger and greater, and that belief has lead people to sobriety, clarity, and happiness-ultimately free of their addictions. What is your take on all this?
  5. Adderall cost me my job

    OMG, FinallyQuitting, you sound exactly like me. My sober self hates cigarettes, I am a runner, but when I am all cracked out on medicine I smoke all day and when I get home from work I drink wine glass after wine glass (I prefer boxed wine ) I myself have not made the decision to finally quit for good because its easier for me to just avoid addressing the problem and keep on keeping on with my performance-driven, stressful, action and thinking and planning-filled job. But, I too, experience the same eating habits and feeling like I want to be able to enjoy normal moments and be a normal human being again. You said something about how some days you'll be LOLing watching a show with your boyfriend then other days you are expressionless. That is me with my boyfriend to a T. About your situation, that must be tough going through what you are going through when he hasn't experienced weed, cigarettes, coffee, you name it! I am glad you finally told him. How are things going? Are you still sober from the Adderall? What has been the biggest reason for you sticking to staying clean?
  6. Hello, everyone. I have been going back and forth with this idea and I don't know what the right thing to do here. I was doing some web-browsing and I found the question: Making the decision to quitDo you really need to quit, or just lower your dose? I generally hear two stories when people tell me they want to quit Adderall: Story #1: “My life was a mess before Adderall. When I started Adderall, everything got better; I finally felt normal. Then I started spiraling my dose upwards, and things got out of control, and now I just want to quit.†If this is you, then the issue might not be Adderall overall, but rather the high dose you’ve climbed up to. Quitting completely might be too severe. Try to get down to a lower dose first (and stick to it). See how that works out for you, and then decide if there’s still something to gain by quitting completely. Story #2: “I don’t feel like myself on Adderall; and looking back, I never really have. I feel like it enabled me to carry my life in a direction that I wouldn’t have wanted without it. I think my life would be happier, more fulfilling, and oddly more productive without it.†I, like probably most of you, am a little bit of both. As far as Story #1, when I first started Adderall (senior year in high school-7 years ago) everything did get better and I felt normal in the sense that I could actually write a paper and sit down and concentrate on assignments and tasks other students could do in their sleep. (I think I truly had some form of ADD..or however we define it...I wasn't just lazy in other words.) I had also taken dance classes since I was in middle school and I was always in the back...not confident with myself and wouldn't give it my all. After taking the drug the first time I was able to shine and be confident in myself in different ways. It also gave me more energy so I was able to work out more, and harder, and I got a better body. I also feel like I am some of Story #2, I really don't feel like myself on Adderall. You all know how that goes-sense of humor, relating to people, having a personality, laughing and relaxing with others-and yes I feel like it enabled me to carry my life in a direction that I wouldn't have wanted without it-but I don't know if that is a bad thing. Do any of you have successful stories of how you took adderall way too much (as in up to 90-120+mg a day, compulsively) and then coming back down to a lower dose and controlling your usage instead of quitting altogether? I talked to my doctor about my concern (I didn't tell him straight up I was addicted, but just that I wanted to lower my doses and change things up). I told him sometimes I feel like I have never taken the drug to begin with because it's like I have this crutch. He told me that many patients he prescribed adderall to said that the drug changed their lives for the better. I tried a couple times to portion out my prescription (portion out the 'prescribed' number of pills by week in zip-lock baggies) where I would only be able to have my hands on the current week. My boyfriend would lock the other weeks in his car so I couldn't get to them so easy. It worked for a little while but then I convinced him to give me the rest because of "special circumstances". I know I am just lying to myself-and to him. After I have become this out of control with my dosage and taking the pills, I don't know if I can trust myself to take it "as prescribed" and lower and controlled doses. Any thoughts?
  7. Oh I completely understand this one. I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of 10 months-and when I am on my adderall I don't care about the relationship. I am always focused on me, my work, my tasks, etc. I don't have time to have feelings. This has also affected my romantic relationship with him. I don't enjoy it like I used to-it's like I just want to get it over with because I have "so many things I need to do." I often forget to "show that I care," the only times I do are when he does something for me so I would feel guilty to not give something in return. And that is not how a relationship should work. I know that my medicine is related to this. There was a time a couple weeks ago when I took my medicine early in the am and then was off it by the afternoon. My boyfriend and I went on a walk at a lake when the weather was beautiful and I was truly happy. I haven't feel that true sense of happiness in a long time. After we got back, we had a great "romantic moment...." (or two) and I enjoyed myself more than I ever had. I knew that this was directly related to my medicine. As far as your situation, it's never too late. Take some time to keep tapering off and do the little things you didn't do before. If he truly loves you, he will try to understand and notice the little things you do and what you are trying to do. If not, maybe it wasn't meant to be. I still send my boyfriend articles about adderall symptoms, withdrawal symptoms, side effects, etc. so he knows a little bit more what is going on. I would try that with him, too. If he doesn't take the time to read it, then don't focus on him any more-focus on you and getting you happy and then love will follow. Best of luck to you! I know where you are coming from.
  8. Thank you all for replying to my post. I am new to this website and it feels really good to hear there are other people out there who have lived a similar situation I am in now. And thank you for taking the time to tell your story and relate to me. So I have taken some steps for the better. A couple weeks ago, I sat down with my boss and I told him the truth. It was so so so uncomfortable. I told him I am addicted to adderall and I am trying to get off of it-Together, we went over my options: I could either start to work part time to help deal with the withdrawal symptoms or try to stick it out with symptoms and all or quit all together. I am so fortunate to have a boss like I do. He did his best to understand and I am so thankful for this. I also finally told my mom that I was trying to get off the drug. She didn't ask much and I didn't give her many details, but at least she knows and that was a big step for me. So my boyfriend has been a big help and I have, more than less, successfully stuck with the certain pills a day administered by my boyfriend. I have been able to accomplish a fair amount of tasks during the day without the help of a lot of adderall, more specifically, a normal dose of 60 mgs a day. My big question is, do you guys have any experience of being addicted to adderall and then being able to control taking a "normal" dosage again? I have generally been able to function with taking a smaller dosage. But then again I don't think I can trust myself to not take more than I should. Do you guys have any experience with this? Thanks again, jeffersontbs (code name)
  9. I have been on adderall/vyvanse etc for 6 years now. I have been taking 100-250 mg a day. Like many other posts I've read, I feel like I can't function if I don't take the pill. I've lost several jobs because I would take more pills than prescribed and run out early-I couldn't get out of bed and I felt like a worthless slob and always hungry. I am realizing how robotic and "dead" I am 24/7, constantly wired, never able to relax and enjoy the moment because I'm always pill poppin. I don't even remember my real personality. When meeting one-on-one with fellow employees I am socially awkward and don't talk much. I never used to be like that. I've always been fun and bubbly and never met a stranger. I know i have to get off this devil pill. It is affecting my relationship with my boyfriend, I can't relax and truly enjoy time with him, I am just thinking about work or planning or focusing on something/doing something productive (which usually isn't even productive after-all). I am scared as hell, though. I finally told my boyfriend my addiction to adderall a couple weeks ago, and I can't even bear to imagine telling my family or friends. I am getting to this point in my job where I am about to be promoted and be in charge of more tasks and more people. Everyone is looking up to me, and the expectations are huge. I've tried to take less mgs several days but my hands get so clammy and I feel like I'm going to faint and I'm dizzy and I can't do my job. I know there's cold turkey, and there is the step down method to getting off the meds. I am scared the step down method won't work for me because I have to put 150% into my job and can't imagine doing what ive been doing so well without the pill. But if I decide to quit cold turkey, I would lose my job and how hard I had worked to get to where I am now. I wouldn't be able to start where I left off once I got sober. I know I would have to stay at home and endure the nasty withdrawal symptoms that I know won't be mild based on how much adderall I am taking on a daily basis. Even dropping my dosage down to what I was prescribed I experience some symptoms. I used to be super athletic and active, then after I got on adderall about 6 years ago. After using the pill more I was even more active and toned and strong. Then I started abusing the pill about 3 years ago and that has led to an unhealthy lifestyle, I am constantly wired and buzzed and I am smoking cigarettes regularly now. Something I've never done. I really want to quit and I have given my boyfriend my medication in portions and I am trying to regulate it that way. But I don't want to fuck up my career. Will I screw up my career? Is it worth it to become happy and healthy again? Help