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About Danquit

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  1. TWO YEARS :)

    Well done Nicole! I am a few months ahead of you and I feel the same about year one and two. Year three is going well so far but I am still on here quite a bit, I think it may just be habit and to remind myself of how shitty recovery was so I can enjoy being off Adderall even more. I also like to help others that are just starting out. Anyway, keep checking in and enjoy life!
  2. Congrats to 4 months! It’s a milestone but still very early for recovery. You are on your way to a better life without Adderall. Months 5-9 will still be tough with mental fog and anxiety. It wasn’t until we’ll into year two when I felt like my old self again. I am now in year three and I find it hard to remember what those early months were like, but I know they were hell for me. Hang in there and try to enjoy the little things because one day you’ll look back and realize as shitty as this time is, you were still living your life.
  3. Relapse Damage

    Once you are addicted and you try to quit, there is no such thing as taking only your prescribed dose. That is complete bullshit and I firmly believe that people do not need this drug in heir lives. I also believe that adhd was made up by the industry to push this particular drug because of the money it generates for psychiatrists and shire pharmaceutical. Now that you went through your relapse, it’s time to get off again and stay off. I relapsed the first time I tried to quit and did exactly what you did, I binged a 30 day supply in a couple weeks and had psychosis which is what it finally took to get me to realize it was gonna kill me.
  4. Found an old pill and flushed it

    I used to keep loose pills in my little hidden zipper pocket of my backpack and after more than two years off every once in a while when I reach in that pocket I still have the thought of “what if there’s an addy in here?” then I root around in there until I come to my senses and realize how strong those little fuckers are. I’m glad you flushed it, but to be complete honest, I think I may have said fuck it and taken it. They don’t scare me anymore which is the really scary part. It’s like I’ve forgotten how awful recovery was and I’m back to being carefree about them. That’s why I need to keep coming here so I can remind myself of the hellish nightmare that is Adderall addiction and recovery.
  5. What do you think?

    I’d say there is a small percentage of people who have never abused it. This is based on my personal experience and talking with people who are prescribed Adderall, most of them have abused it at one time or another. It’s the nature of the drug, you can’t help but want to take more and more.
  6. Feeling good and very lucky.

    Yeah Frank, I’ve been a lazy ass for two years and only recently started to feel some natural ambition coming back. I don’t know if I feel like I’m on it but I do feel I’m back to before Adderall days. I still have to self motivate but it’s getting easier. I am naturally kinda lazy if I’m not doing something I love to do. Unfortunately, I have to rediscover what I love because Adderall skewed my passions for years.
  7. Day 6

    Your old posts were such a huge inspiration for me in my early days of recovery, I am very happy to see you back here and doing well. I use your story to remind me that this is a lifelong journey and I have to stay vigilant now that I’m at 26 months I am starting to feel complacent about this recovery as if I’ve got it beat but I know how easy it is to slip. Anyway, glad you’re back and doing well!
  8. I have a suspicion that Bourdain was on Adderall because recently he was getting super thin and I remember thinking he has to be on Adderall when I saw him on tv. Anyway, I was a huge fan of his and I am in shock today as I mourn his loss. I remember the initial months of recovery and how I felt like wanting to die, it was awful and I am very thankful I made it through those dark times. If any of you are having suicidal thoughts, please seek help immediately, it can be treated and things will get better. Even sharing here can help, we will support you.
  9. 90 Day Update: Extreme Brain Fog

    Brain fog was terrible in the first 7-8 months for me. I felt so dumb and useless. It’s just part of the recovery. It got better for me at 9 months and beyond. I think it was completely lifted about half way through the second year but I took a lot more than you for 5 years. Hang in there, it will get better as long as you don’t get back on it.
  10. Dreams are making recovery difficult today

    Oh man my dreams were extremely vivid and realistic the first year of if Adderall. I only had one or two where there was Adderall involved. I remember one dream where I found a half of an orange pill in my jacket and I took it in my dream and I remember being high just like in real life. When I woke up I had a huge sense of relief because it was only a dream. You’ll have some crazy dreams as your brain readjusts to life off of stimulants. This is normal, try to enjoy the good dreams.
  11. Confession: still dating girl on Adderall

    Some very good points, yes, I always think that everything she does is Adderall affected. How she shops online and organizes her closet. How she has a million printouts with charts and spreadsheets for her “work”, how she is never hungry, how she is always focused on her stuff and never asking about what I’ve been up to. She is a slave to Adderall. I also had the thoughts of grabbing one of her addys but it was a fleeting and horrific thought as I could see her pull bottles placed all over her room. There was a drawer in her bathroom filled with all kinds of bottles, Adderall, vyvanse, benzos, pain pills for sleep. It is the saddest thing but she is basically a functioning druggy. I just need to work up the energy and strength to end it.
  12. Feeling good and very lucky.

    I quit 25 months ago but it wasn’t till about 3 months ago that I started to feel free. But even though I feel pretty good, I don’t want to let my guard down and end up back on it somehow.
  13. Definitely sleep, but it wasn’t till months 7-10 where I slept without waking up with some crazy dream and had to try to fall asleep again. I honestly can’t say there were any immediate good effects of quitting because everything was so miserable. But now at two years looking back I can tell you that there are many things that have gotten better after I quit. 1) I am not in Adderall. Mental and physical health way better. 2) My personality has come back and I laugh more, attitude much better towards friends and family. 3) My conversations with people are more real and I actually listen to people before I speak. Work meetings have gotten better because I’m not jumping all over the place speaking out of turn and volunteering for every task. 4) I don’t buy useless stuff online. My spending habits have gotten much better off Adderall so I’m saving more. 5) I enjoy food again (a bit too much). Appetite is definitely better but need to watch what I eat more, overall health is better. 6) I quit smoking cigarettes, breathe better. 7) I exercise all on my own strength, I can run a mile again without stopping: 8) I can see the big picture for life and for work so I don’t feel as overwhelmed as I did on Adderall. I’m way more relaxed in my attitude which makes me kinda lazy, but much better than Adderall driven which was completely fake over promising and not delivering. 9) My anxiety has gotten a lot better, I just dont freak out anymore. Life isn’t perfect, I just deal with problems a lot better. 10) I feel more, so my life experiences are more powerful and real, including the bad stuff. This makes life better, the experiences are more real and not shrouded in a n amphetamine blur. Everything for me is better without Adderall. But only after many months of hell of withdrawals.
  14. I have been seeing this girl on Adderall for several weeks now and I haven’t ended it yet. I have been staying at her place on the weekends and we rarely go anywhere. I helped her reorganize her wardrobe for summer and man it was something else. She literally tried on every single item of clothing to get my opinion whether to keep or donate it. She had hundreds of items and many of them were very similar to each other. It took almost 4 hours! The whole time I kept thinking this was such an Adderall fueled activity and I was fascinated watching her behavior. anyway, we went to dinner afterwards and I brought up Adderall and she just defended it vehemently to the point of getting loud so I just dropped it. At this point I am sure it won’t work but I haven’t told her yet. I wish there was something I could do or say to get her to want to quit, then I could help her, but as others have already stated, it has to be fought from within and only if someone decides for themselves to quit, will they have a good chance of success. The good news is I haven’t had any desire to get back in Adderall when I see how it is affecting her. The bad news is I see how it’s affecting her and I can’t convince her to quit or even try. Ugh this sucks.