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Zerokewl

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Posts posted by Zerokewl

  4. Anxiety and lack of motivation

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I'm at the 90ish day mark. I can definitely relate. Im good feeling great than BAM i'm a puddle on the couch watching PBS documentaries and having some dark thoughts. I am trying to keep a journal to see what causes it.  Best I can tell exercise is the best cure, but sometimes it so bloody hard to get up and do things. I'm done with any pill that effects the brain so anti-d's are not a good idea. Large doses of ginseng sometimes help. Also I've noticed a bad day seems to follow a really good day. 

  5. Regaining your confidence

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I can really relate. I used to be such a big deal in my former life. I was really competitive and adderall just through octane on the fire that drove me. I really struggle with what motivates me know, in the past I was motivated by greed, low-self esteem and ego.  I want to be more motivated by ego, positive self and greed now.  Been listening to Eminem's album Recovery thinking how hard it was to go back to the studio write new material and deal with a lot of criticism. 

  12. RRRRRRECOVERY

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Great post I believe I am in the Readjust and Rebuild phase. Though I believe I will completely recover. I think its key to always be on guard for new pills etc. 10 years from now when you have completly forgotten this part of your life and how hard it was it may be easy to try a new pill/ formula.  Before adderall  there were Dex, Ritalin, whatever Johnny Cash was on etc. Adderall is just a new package/ formula. I think this is the point of staying in recovery forever. 

     

      Adderall can easily be repackaged and rebranded into a new wonder drug.  Big pharm wants to create customer for life. I think being in recovery means dealing with the underlying problems that lead you to use  Adderall in the first place.

     

    Personally I actually have ADHD, I've been accessed as having ADHD at a high level,  and struggle with some trivial tasks  and while excelling and complex tasks.   I think ADHD is a bullshit syndrome and prescribing stimulants to highly creative intelligent people will be remembered by history as a sort of intellectual blood letting. 

     

    That being said great post my only edit would be to add a Asterix and some fine print to the recovered*.  

    • Like 2

  14. Saw something amazing today....

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    ....me

     

       I was brushing my teeth. I looked in the mirror and saw the most focused and clear set of eyes I'd seen in a long time. Wow. The last 90 days has not been without its challenges (fatigue, severe depression, 0 confidence).  But I am feeling much better. I am planning a pretty hardcore exercise regiment for August which is as follows

     

      -  No fast food

      -  No smokes

      -  10 beers

      -  10 boot camps | 8

      -  10 swims  

      -  300 miles cycling 

     

      

       Gonna dig deep and see if I can shake this thing. Feeling about 60% i will be  75% by Sept 1. 

     

    July 31'st - getting ready for August 1. Cleaned car and had lunch with old colleague. 

    Aug 1 - quitting smoking seemed to hard today. Sitting at my desk trying to get started. Set a timer ready set go. Did a bootcamp. Felt really good stayed up late but slept in.  3 beers, 2.7 mi walking, 1.2 cycle, 3 hours productive work 

    Aug 2- Still feeling great. Need to get a few client things done today. Spent sometime with my friend and his kids. Had a moment of clarity and consciousness that I have not had for years. Odd how feeling really good usually means feeling really bad. 1 beer ,1.9mi walking , 1.4mi cycle, 0 hours work

    Aug 3- Maybe I pushed it too hard maybe I'm just getting sick or maybe this is the dreaded PAWS. I really need to address the smoking issue. Feeling a lot better than I did 2 months ago. Got up really early today and went for a drive. Not well enough to attend bcamp today. 

    Aug 4- Okay need to get my shit together today. Ate too much fastfood today feel like crap. Super lonely and depressed. Going to quit smoking tonight reading Allen Carr's easy way to quit smoking. Also watched the Christian Hosoi biography. Going to try reading the bible tonight. Need to fight the darkness tonight. Maybe I need to stop motivating myself by looking myself in the mirror and calling myself names. 

    Aug 5 -Aug 5- 2.6mi walk | 8.1mi cycle | 1 boot camp. Eminem's "Recovery" album is the fucking truth!

     

    Aug 6-   Sick. Managed to walk 2.7 mi today. Going to try tomorrow without smokes. 

     

    Aug 7,8 - Not the best days sleeping poorly and smoking too much rode 11.1 mi

    • Like 2

  17. Great Video

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Hey, 

     

       I'm feeling pretty good today too. I wish I was a little more productive. I have two bikes a fixie for short runs and a Rocky Mountain Soul for longer runs. Today I walked 2.2 mi and rode 7.7 miles. Wanted to go longer but a storm cut it short. Also I went out and bought an exercise mat to do some stretches etc.

     

       I will post my exercise stats tomorrow.   Good work on ditching the anti-d's. 

  18. Great Video

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Hey, 

     

         Thanks for the article I've been thinking about addressing my diet. I eat too much junk. Bike ride was great I didn't post the result because I was sleeping like a baby I rode for 9.5mi in 1h 4min. I'm going for a longer ride tonight, i'll post my bike stats later. I was really down :(  yesterday. I feel a lot better today. :mellow:  Consistency is what I crave now.   

     

         I hope getting off Celxa isn't too hard. I took it 10 years ago when I didn't really understand how the pills I took I affected me. Larger doses of ginsing, vit d  and exercise seem keep the dark shadows away for me.

     

       Well I am going to do my best to get some work done today. Good luck

     

       http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUqLGRMrFAg

    • Like 1

  19. Kiddie Cocaine

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Kiddie Cocaine



    I have ADHD, I can't sit still, I'm uppity, I talk fast and think even faster.


    I will not sit still I'm gonna fiddle, twiddle and scribble. Because it helps me focus.   ;)


    I'm starting a fucking riot in the classroom because I can engineer a riot.  :ph34r:


    The reason I'm bored in class is because your class is boring.    :wacko2:


    Get the fuck outta my head docs.


    Your science is a broken dated paradigm.  Shrinks that don't actually study the brains they treat?! That's like a  mechanic that doesn't look at the engine.


    History will remember Addy's like an intellectual blood letting and the docs as butchers. 


     


    I'm rising up and smashing the pill box u put me in. ADHD is my superpower. Your science is my Kryptonite.   :lol: This site is like a thousand Woody Allens getting turned on.  Rage against the darkness and be free. 


     



    • Like 3

  20. Great Video

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    This video makes me wanna rage against the machine. 

     

     

     

     

    Kiddie Cocaine

    I have ADHD, I can't sit still, I'm uppity, I talk fast and think even faster.

    I will not sit still I'm gonna fiddle, twiddle and scribble. Because it helps me focus.    ;)

    I'm starting a fucking riot in the classroom because I can engineer a riot.   :ph34r:

    The reason I'm bored in class is because your class is boring.     :wacko2:

    Get the fuck outta my head docs.

    Your science is a broken dated paradigm.  Without actually looking at my brain you are just guessing.  Shrinks that don't actually study the brains they treat?! That's like a  mechanic that doesn't look at the engine.

     

    I'm rising up and smashing the box u put me in. ADHD is my superpower. Your science is my Kryptonite.    :lol:

     

     Been off addys + concerta  for about 2 months.  Feeling really depressed today I was considering going to the doctors today for some anti-d's. Instead I'm going to get on my bicycle and pedal. I'll let you know how I feel later. 

    • Like 1

  22. What motivates me to work. What motivates you?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    these are from an advertising blog

     

    Guilt – Who hasn’t felt at some time that they weren’t doing all they could to achieve the kind of success they want in life? Have any of you fully tapped your potential?

     

    Exclusivity – You’re being told you’re smarter than those who are making it – others who are less intelligent, able and ambitious than you.

     

    Greed – If only you could achieve according to your potential, you could have all that success brings – all that those other, less capable people have.

     

    Fear – You’re losing out. If you don’t do something soon, you’ll never have success. You’ll be a failure!

    • Like 2

  25. What motivates me to work. What motivates you?

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Okay so I've been free for almost two months. I've slept a lot gained some weight. Smoked too many cigarets. Broke up with my girlfriend. Watched everything I built on adderall fade away. It's been shitty. The depression & lethargy caused me to  watch some really terrible Netflix.

     

      I sleep well most nights now and I've started exercising . I need to address my diet.  I'm trying to get motivated.  Here are some ways I've been getting motivated to work

     

     

    - exercise short walks

    - green tea and coffee  

    - ginseng, C0Q10, Vit D, B

    - imagining what will happen if I do nothing

    - working in coffee shops

    - setting timers 20 min work 5 min break

    - background noise

     

    My slogan for this year is "consistent swagger".  What do you do to get motivated?

    • Like 4
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