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Zerokewl

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Posts posted by Zerokewl

  1. love/HATE/replace

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Jon, this is a really good idea. It reminds me I need to have a convo with a new doctor. I'm changing doctors because the 2-3 doctors I had writing scripts for me are really just Dr. Feel Goods.  Monday morning I am going to set something up with a new doctor. I'll report back here. 

    • Like 1

  3. 3 monthish

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Today is going ok.  Thanks for asking. I kinda worked myself into a frenzy with worry etc. I'm leaving my worries in the hands of HP for today and just doing what I can do.  Hoping to finish up a project that I started working on when I was on Adderall, completing this project will be a sort of milestone. Sorting through my Adderall code is really shitty. I'm a lot better than I was 2 months ago!!!  Things will fall into place. Thanks for checking in. 

  7. 3 monthish

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Thanks Jon. Had a really rough day yesterday. Still very up and down. But up>down. Starting to experience a lot of anxiety and feeling very stressed. But I am soldiering on. I was seriously tempted the other day walking past my old doctors office. Your support all the way from Delaware means alot. You are also the only person from Delaware I know. 

     

    1Bad88 thanks "Plan your work and work the plan"  is easier said than done. I really struggling with the smoking thing right now. I quit for a year once I want so badly to be back to that place. It is as simple as just not lighting the next one. I do take melatonin at night combined with Calcium supplements . I got up early this morning so I think I may be getting back on track. At any rate thank you for taking the time to check in. 

    • Like 1

  10. 3 monthish

    in Tell your story

    Posted

    Thank-you all.. your support means the world to me. I think i'm going in the right direction. The drugs (concerta+addy) are 100% out of my system. The struggle now is mental. I've been thinking on this quite a bit. In a weird way I am still tweaking using redbull and supplements the same way I used adderall. Pop some pills play video games/netflix untill the pill kicks in then work.  I need to work on the adderall mindset. Im chugging redbull and 5 hour energies like a World of Warcraft champion. 

     

      Typing  in this little box helps me get my thoughts straight. My goal for the 4th month is simple SLEEP.  I want to get better at sleeping and creating a healthy rhythm.  Waking up at 6am and going to sleep at 10pm. Currently I am not sticking to a schedule and its the worst thing for ADHD types like my self.  I don't take ambien or any sleeping pills and have no desire to start.

     

    So to achieve this goal. I need to do the following:

     

    - quit smoking. I've done this before using Allen Carr's "The Easy Way" I am watching the video iPad app version today.  

     

    - sleep hygeine-

    brush teeth, wash up, put on jammies,

    no technology I've been in the habit of watching netflix on my Ipad in bed. This keeps me awake. Read or meditate

     

    - exercise. Do something fun anything that gets me moving for 1 hour each day. 

     

    - eat - 2 simple rules  

     

    1) if it comes out of a window or its part of a combo don't eat it. (fast food) . 

    2) don't eat things that you know you shouldn't eat

     

    - energy drinks - less coffee more tea. Energy drinks are for emergencies only. 

     

       The withdrawal is done everything is mental,mental,mental.  I'm going to the store to buy my last pack of cigarettes. My hope is by focusing on this one goal other things will start to fall into place. Thanks for reading I know I'm an intense dude sometimes :) 

     

    Do or do not. There is no try.-Yoda

    • Like 2
    • Popular Post
    • Popular Post

    3 monthish

    in Tell your story

    Posted

     I am not exactly sure what day I actually took my last pill. Based on the dispense date , reviewing some text messages I believe its been 3.5 months since I took adderall and 3.1 months since I took concerta. I am randomly picking the 1st of the month as my quit day because I just don't know when.  Remembering those early days is hard because I was in such a fog. I really don't know what happened in May I binged and crashed soooo HARD and began smoking weed/ drinking to deal.

     

    I really thought it would only take a week or two to get back to normal.  I just didn't understand why I couldn't man up and deal. Why I was so tired, depressed , lost and avoiding mirrors. I couldn't even clean the apartment and having pissed off 90% of my friends I had only NETFLIX to keep me company.  The darkest days of my life so far. 

     

      I found this site, I found you guys and I found hope. In that order.  

     

    My life has been getting consistently better since. I still have a long way to go. I get these memory glimpses of me before adderall and during Adderall (Scary).  I regret taking the drug in the 1st place. I hate myself for allowing stress,career, competitiveness and greed pollute my mind. I hate big pharm.  My past has past.  

     

     Tonight I am saying goodbye to the person I was and the person I became on Adderall. The mistakes I made and the time I lost. Because today I AM FREE.  I am here now mindful and in the moment and I feel everything.  

     

    I'm going forward with this brand new sparkling life of mine. Rebuilding, Rebounding and Recovering  

     

    I will overcome. I WILL overcome. I WILL OVERCOME. 

     

    Thank you Mike for creating this place. Thank-you to all for reading and responding to my posts. Thanks to all that walked this road before.  You are all beautiful amazing people. Though we will never meet you have done more for me than you will ever know. You give me hope for humanity daily. 

     

     

    • Like 5

  14. Still one major hurdle to get over

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    I sorta relate though I don't have as much time as you. Congrats on 1 year. I know when I was using it was like angels sang when I was using excel or filling.  My highes were high, lows low, and crashes even lower. My emotions were so out of whack, i find myself easily bored now. Im not as inspired (can't describe the feeling) when I see a sunrise. Maybe its just part of the recalibration our brains need to do. Or maybe we are just romanticizing the period when adderall was fun  before it was hell.  I refuse to believe we've broken our brains and things will never be the same. 

    • Like 1

  17. Pills Anonymous

    in General Discussion

    Posted

    Cassie, 

     

       When I was still using I went to an NA meeting. It was a little to hard core with ex crack heads etc. The 12 step method is the gold standard for recovery. There is no one size fits all solution for recovery. My Dad's a 30 year AA guy, I go to a meeting with him every once and a while. Try different meeting to find a group you mesh with.    

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