I can completely relate! You feel like you are two people in inhabiting one body, well it feels like that often actually in day-to-day life, but with addiction the warring insides are ten times more at odds. I went through the same cycle of withdrawal then thinking that I could use again in small amounts but by the third or fourth day I would be back up to scary amounts and miserably being up all night.
It's been said many times, but once you pass the point of addiction you just can't use a substance casually anymore. Your body won't allow you to. The best thing that I've found is meditating. It's the only thing that kept me sober actually, because in meditation having a calm, present mind is the only thing that matters and Adderall absolutely prevents you from that. It's very hard at first, I would only be able to stand 5 minutes of meditation with tapes but you work your way up and you begin to see the value of having your healthy, agile, free mind back. It's really the most important thing in the world actually, the free mind, and it seems like you have realized this its just finding alternatives like meditation and exercising when you get cravings and reminding yourself that you are worth more than the drug. And just get rid of everything you have so there is not option.