Luckyducky

Checking In

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Hi everyone

I am doing well 9 days clean it's the longest stretch since September. Well I have to say it's been pretty easy this site has really opened my eyes. I love my hiking therapy and feel positive for the first time. The only problem is my thinking (cognitive) is dead. My daughter had to make a commercial for homework so I waited till the last minute and cannot edit it or figure out how to! It's like my brain can't think to handle new things. I use to be able to do anything on a computer but if it's out of the norm it takes me such a long time. That's what I do for a living so that part is frustrating . I hope I get my brain back??!!!

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Thanks for checking in LD. You are off to a nice start. How to you do hiking therapy and work full time? All I can manage is hiking on Saturdays with a friend. We hike, then go out and share dinner together. It's the highlight of my week.

 

The brain is the main organ of recovery, with the gut being a close second.  It is a big challange for me too. I hate running out of brain, which I never knew was a condition until quitting, but there it is. I used to read two newpapers a day, now I read none. I am so relieved that I don't have to go out and pick up a newspaper off the driveway that I have no intention of reading.

 

I can still read my favorite magazine every month. It's called The Sun. I am a member of a small Sun discussion group. I believe that these practices, reading and discussing help my brain recover.

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I also work an IT job for a living and this can be difficult.  So far I find I've been procrastinating.  The first couple days I had a hard time figuring out things.  But now I just find that I don't want to get on the hard problems yet.  I'm 7 days without any adderall (or 8).  Yep 8.  My brain is a little slow, but so far I believe it has more to do with catching up on sleep.  I'm still sleep deprived but have had 5 nights in a row of about 8 hours of sleep.  That makes the days go by better.  Also, I was on adderall for 5 years up to 70mg a day, but more close to 50-60mg per day.

 

You can make it! 

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Jon I get it I have brain fog bad but I am on a high because I have

Not any desire to use these past days at all. I am trying to do things that I used to enjoy B.A. (Before adderall) I only hike on Fridays right now but I plan to incorporate more in the next few weeks. I want to be happy again and I want to enjoy life again and focus on me. I love my kids but I have to find things I that bring me joy or I will be right back to you know who (add).

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Nice job Luckducky and Michael, you both are doing great! Keep up the good work.

 

Lucky - you will find what brings you joy (besides your family and the a) in time. It just takes a while to getting used to life without it and everything has to readjust. Just being without adderall for as long as I have (which isn't very long at all lol) brings me joy but hey, every day and step counts. I make little goals everyday for myself (like a checklist) - sometimes my goal is to just go to yoga and try my hardest in it and get some designing/art done or something for the Etsy shop. And everyday when I finish the yoga class, I literally feel like I won the olympics. I try to remind myself a lot, of how I acted or looked like or what I did on the Adderall and that helps a little with not wanting to be back on it. And that now I am a little more in control of my body, mind, and happiness, I feel so empowered and I genuinely love life again and enjoy the simple, little things and so will you!

 

Jon, your hiking and grabbing dinner days sound fun :D  I love a good hike.

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The brain is the main organ of recovery, with the gut being a close second.  It is a big challange for me too. I hate running out of brain, which I never knew was a condition until quitting, but there it is. I used to read two newpapers a day, now I read none. I am so relieved that I don't have to go out and pick up a newspaper off the driveway that I have no intention of reading.

 

I can still read my favorite magazine every month. It's called The Sun. I am a member of a small Sun discussion group. I believe that these practices, reading and discussing help my brain recover.

I had a moment of paralysis yesterday at Wal-Mart while staring at the many flavors of coffee creamer and trying to find a bottle of carmel macchiato.  It took me at least 5 minutes to visually process all of the information, it felt like it wasn't even in English.  These moments crush my self esteem and I have a hard time dealing with them.  Some days are better than others though.

 

I'm glad to hear that you are making good progress on your quit Lucky and Michael!

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I've been enjoying basketball, walking, a little running, great sleep finally (the first few days surprisingly my sleep was terrible), playing Clue with my daughter and wife (and losing every time), I actually had adderall in my wallet for many days after I started to quit and kind of forgot about it. I have some brain fog here and there, but before I took adderall I recall that too.  Although back then I was a heavy drinker which I don't do anymore either.  So it is hard to get a handle on how I was before.  Adderal has no grip on me anymore and this is an awesome feeling.  

 

This is day 10.  BUT I did ween down for two weeks from 70 down to 20mg per day.  Then nothing.  Originally I was scared to stop of what might happen or losing my job because my brain wouldn't perhaps work.  But I had prayer from a brother strong in Jesus Christ and I believe my faith has delivered me from this.  I'm so very happy about this.  I love this site by the way too.

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I've been enjoying basketball, walking, a little running, great sleep finally (the first few days surprisingly my sleep was terrible), playing Clue with my daughter and wife (and losing every time), I actually had adderall in my wallet for many days after I started to quit and kind of forgot about it. I have some brain fog here and there, but before I took adderall I recall that too.  Although back then I was a heavy drinker which I don't do anymore either.  So it is hard to get a handle on how I was before.  Adderal has no grip on me anymore and this is an awesome feeling.  

 

This is day 10.  BUT I did ween down for two weeks from 70 down to 20mg per day.  Then nothing.  Originally I was scared to stop of what might happen or losing my job because my brain wouldn't perhaps work.  But I had prayer from a brother strong in Jesus Christ and I believe my faith has delivered me from this.  I'm so very happy about this.  I love this site by the way too.

One of the best outcomes from quitting has been that I finally buckled down and started reading my Bible every day; it has been a real blessing through the rough patches.  I studied Nehemiah to gain encouragement for rebuilding my life as he rebuilt the walls of Jerusalem.  He was a good example for dealing with distractions and being a good manager.

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That's awesome JustinW.  I never read the bible until about 2 years ago, but I read the entire thing last year in four months and to my surprise the old testament was really good.  Nehemiah is a great book and I never thought about how that book could be good for encouragement for rebuilding lives.  I've been renewing my mind for some time by reading the bible daily as well.  I like to start at the beginning of a book and go all the way through.  Now that I'm not on adderall I'm not sure if this is going to make me tend to want to jump around more or not.  I hope not.

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:D I love Youversion by the way.  I'm a big fan of MySword for android and when I'm listening and reading at the same time I love Youversion.  They've got the best audio reader.  I find myself reading a little bit with an english accent at times because I think I listen to that and a preacher that passed away that was from England (Derek Prince) quite often.

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Justin - I think I've experienced the ERROR///<#NaN>///ERROR with respect to visual processing you described above. Any idea what that's all about?

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Well, I went to the store again the other day to find popcorn.  It wasn't my usual shopping locale so I had no idea where the popcorn was located.  I wandered the aisles searching for about 5 minutes and panic began to set in; then I told myself to relax and continued on my quest.  Finally I found it.  It made me feel better that they didn't have my usual brand in a bottle so I was looking for the wrong product shape.  I had to settle for a bagged brand, which is not as good and probably cost 3 times more than I usually pay since it was at a gas station.  Come to think of it, I was tired and in a bad mood because I knew I was going to get screwed on the price but it was late, I needed gas for the morning, and I didn't feel like going to big blue.

 

I believe that this is related to my visual processing deficit as we have discussed before.  My mind is working faster than it can process things visually so a conscious effort is required to slow the mind down to visual processing speeds.  I need to do more word searches; maybe that will help, or at least keep the Penny Press in business.

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Well, I went to the store again the other day to find popcorn.  It wasn't my usual shopping locale so I had no idea where the popcorn was located.  I wandered the aisles searching for about 5 minutes and panic began to set in; then I told myself to relax and continued on my quest.  Finally I found it.  It made me feel better that they didn't have my usual brand in a bottle so I was looking for the wrong product shape.  I had to settle for a bagged brand, which is not as good and probably cost 3 times more than I usually pay since it was at a gas station.  Come to think of it, I was tired and in a bad mood because I knew I was going to get screwed on the price but it was late, I needed gas for the morning, and I didn't feel like going to big blue.

 

I believe that this is related to my visual processing deficit as we have discussed before.  My mind is working faster than it can process things visually so a conscious effort is required to slow the mind down to visual processing speeds.  I need to do more word searches; maybe that will help, or at least keep the Penny Press in business.

 

I think I just learned something new: Visual Processing Deficit.  That describes what I experienced even before adderall.  It seems to be worse now that I've been off adderall for two weeks.  But maybe Visual processing deficit is something I had all my life and just didn't realize that it was the adderall that helped me forget about that.  It is definitely worse now.  My wife makes fun of me when I ask her where something is in the fridge and she says, "right in front of you" and I just have this blank look and feeling.  It bothers me a little when she points this out, but I don't think she nor I have been understanding how my brain seems to be stuttering.  Its all very strange because I'm detail oriented in what I do and my job requires it as well.  To not notice something right in front of your face is hard to explain to people.  But it is a brain thing I believe.

 

I've been wondering about my visual issues for some time and I see that others experience this too.  I figured being that I'm quite an odd person I thought maybe it was just me having these visual recognition problems.  While comforting to know that it is not just me I certainly don't wish this on anyone.

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Withdrawl and PAWS both make the condition worse and I feel your pain because my wife gets frustrated with me also.  Not so much now as those first months but it still happens.  I used to be capable of looking at a project and coming up with a solution on the fly; this last year has been a humbling experience and a lesson in proper planning.  One of my ongoing projects needs to be replanned because my adderall mind really messed it up.  FYI, my deficit is sizeable somewhere on the magnitude of 25 points if IIRC.

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Justin-

I totally get it! I went out to dinner with some friends and when the bill came I could not for the life of me figure it out. I usually have always been good with numbers in my head but adding 3 items together and adding tax and tip nearly killed me! Lol I also kept telling myself to relax so I didn't look like an idiot

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Justin-

I totally get it! I went out to dinner with some friends and when the bill came I could not for the life of me figure it out. I usually have always been good with numbers in my head but adding 3 items together and adding tax and tip nearly killed me! Lol I also kept telling myself to relax so I didn't look like an idiot

Been there; done that!  Mental math is still a bit of a struggle but it is getting better than it was during the first 6 months.  I finally worked something out in my head this morning that I'd been struggling with for a while on one of my work projects.  Maybe things aren't so bad after all.

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When I quit, my cognition and thought processes needed a lot of work. I understand what you mean by wanting to do word puzzles. I read a lot of books and tried to 'retrain' my brain to think without adderall. I also began studying for a graduate school entrance exam. Yes, I wanted to go to grad school but in my mind, preparing for that exam I felt would help me get my brain back in shape.

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I think that getting back in school has helped me somewhat.  My studies are still a struggle at times but I just keep at it until they are done so I can see how the grad school exam prep would be good too.

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This post is kinda old but I am also experiencing these visual delay issues at work and at home.  Been off addy for about two months now and I have seen some improvement. I'm wondering how y'all are doing with this.  

I work in IT too and some days I feel like I'm going to be okay in this career and some days I feel like I better start preparing myself to change jobs completely.  

Have you seen even more improvement as time goes on without adderall or is this something you still struggle with?

 

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Hey,  I have definitely experienced these visual delays too but it has gradually gotten better. I work in a in a FinTech kind of role, and I will tell you that months 3-5, I quite frankly did not think I was going to make it (month 1 I was on leave and month 2 I just had zero expectation of myself and was just happy for getting through the day).    Most of the time I literally would just stare at the computer screen unable to do much of anything. I actively starting planning a strategy to leave, going as far as discussing moving back in with my dad and going back to school to change careers. I just kept thinking 'what have I done with my life?' 

Fortunately things really started to improve around the 6th month- I was able to get through entire days at an acceptable productivity level without too much anguish. I now feel like I can at least stick this out for another year and re-evaluate then. I've read a lot of the different timelines that people have posted and I would say that you can expect significant progress through the first year, and even after that. I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it really does improve 

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