Trying to find the strength to quit

[Sprad]

I have been abusing adderall for about 2 years. Year one was amazing. I was able focus and meet all the demands of both working full time and being a solo parent. Year two I started needing more than I was prescribed. I started snorting them and running out of my prescription by week 3. Then falling into horrible depression without them until I could get my next fill. I have started to uncontrollably rub my tongue on the back of my 2 front teeth. My amazing focus has turned into useless zombie focus on nothing of importance. I just want to isolate myself from my family. I don’t make the effort to connect. This list could go on an on. 

I’m scared of the withdraw. The depression. The inability to get anything done. I have so many things coming up that need to get done. 

Any advice, suggestions or tips that helped you function when quitting?

[sirod9]

Hi Sprad -

This sounds right, after a year, things go down hill. I was chained to adderall for around 6 years, upping my dose until my highest daily intake  was between 90 to 200 mg a day. I found outside sources (black market) for when my script ran out. I ran up terrible cc debt, spent ungodly amounts of money on nothing, and spiraled. I kept it together enough to keep my job, but towards the end of my use, I was very close to loosing that too. I will be 2 years clean August 1st. it was HARD, but I was ready. The longer you stay on adderall, the longer your Post acute withdrawal will be. I experienced PAWS even at 18 months clean. I still have "foggy" days, but things are so much better. My world did not collapse because I quit adderall. I kept my job, I did not become obese, and I did not have permanent damage. or at least nothing I haven't been able to cope with. I still crave the drug occasionally, but that is part of recovery. learning your triggers and working through cravings. learning new ways of coping with life's stresses.

Read through this site and begin your quit journey. Good luck to you.

[Sprad]

Sirod - Thanks for the reply and Congratulations on 2 years of sobriety! You have given me hope. 

I currently take 30 to 40 mg a day. I still have my job and can pay all my bills. I’m just tired of feeling so unhealthy mentally and physically all the time. I feel like a zombie.  I’m mostly worried about the depression I’ve experienced when I’ve ran out of pills. But taking the pills is in itself also depressing. My mindset when I run out is also not coming from a point of wanting to be sober, but from where’s my next fix. So I’m hopeful that with a new mindset of wanting to be sober the depression won’t be so damn depressing.