StillHereSomewhere Posted March 2, 2013 Report Share Posted March 2, 2013 Hi all, I quit about a week ago today and despite the overwhelmingly lethargic (not to mention hungry) person I've become, I thought I'd make some attempt to get back in touch with myself. I decided to get out of turn off netflix, get out of bed, and try and get back in touch with myself. So I showered and went on an aimless walk with a notebook, an ipod, and no destination. I haven't written for fun in god knows how long so I walked to a nice spot (I live in Colorado, so they're in abundance) and just started to write. I cant tell you how therapeutic it was, more blissful if you will... At first nothing came, so i just sat and looked around attempting something resembling mindful thinking...and finally just started to write. I dont really know who else would appreciate it; my friends would probably laugh and my parents wouldn't get it, but if anyone else has experienced anything like this, well...good. So I'm just gonna go ahead and post it here, i guess thats the beauty of the internet. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It’s amazing how much we neglect when we forget to open our eyes. Completely enveloped by prospects of the future we miss all the little things. The things that matter. After all, what is the future besides a product of now…right now. It’s never been there, nor will it ever be here, there will always be now. It seems like we’re always in a rush, looking for shortcuts; anything to bypass the pain that is “right nowâ€. Yet what are we rushing towards besides the thing that we fear the most? But that’s not why we do it, not with that in mind. We’re looking for something. Some sign from life that says “I see youâ€, some reciprocate we feel undoubtedly due to us. It’s so easy to get lost searching with our blinders strapped tight. After all, we know what were chasing, so why pause for even a second? It’s become an unfathomable concept, even an anomaly for most of us, to just pause. However, think for a second that maybe that’s just it; the answer could be to just fucking stop for a second! To employ a cliché, “soak it inâ€. Its not an easy task, and some are better than others. I, for one, am terrible. I’ve always assumed there might be some value in it, but not for me… So today, I walked; and that’s just it, I walked, but I wasn’t chasing. There was no checklist to mark, no destination at which to arrive. Just to take in the things that guide the path. See the buildings that envelope the roads that lead from A to B, the mountains that surround the cities, and the clouded skies which seem to laugh at our chaos in impeccable serenity. And the most amazing thing happened. In a blanket of warmth, a moment of pseudo-ecstasy, I found what I was looking for. And to think, it wasn’t even hiding. It never was. We’re racing against the constructs of time, but that’s just what they are…constructs. But these things that we yearn for, not to own or possess, but the real things we desire are timeless. Somewhere along the line we’ve learned to push them aside, racing towards mere representations. Only when we take just one second to realize we’re simply passing them by, it shocks us to find that the only thing we’re racing towards is death. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StillHereSomewhere Posted March 2, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 2, 2013 I know this is kind of random. I guess the real point is that its amazing how much more interesting the little things seem. Music is beautiful on it's own, without the push of stimulants. Architecture suddenly resonates as pretty (or not). Random things make you smile. All the wonder of life doesn't really go away after childhood, you just have to have an eye for it. And adderall pretty much stomps that creative eye to a pulp. I may be tired, unmotivated, sad, and lonely, but at least I give a shit. Certainly haven't for a while... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted March 2, 2013 Report Share Posted March 2, 2013 That sounds like a fabulous walk. I think next time you should take a video and share it with us. I've always dreamed of what it would be like to take a walk or go skiing in CO. Take us with you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted March 2, 2013 Report Share Posted March 2, 2013 Beautiful, inspiring, and so well said! The best part is that these illuminating words and thoughts would never have come to you if you were still taking adderall. One of the worst parts of adderall is that it blocks out all (or almost all) inspiration and ideas of this quality. Thank you for sharing. Keep it coming!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea Posted March 2, 2013 Report Share Posted March 2, 2013 That was amazing! I've been thinking a lot lately about how uncomfortable I am no longer chasing the high. Not that I ever want to go back there but trying to live in the moment feels awkward because I've grown so accustomed to the mindset of an addict. Intellectually I get that the present is the only thing that is real and I've had glimpses of this since quitting 7+ weeks ago... I am truely inspired by your words because they seem to make sense of it all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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