Feeling grateful and empowered.

[Lizzie]

Hi QA fam!! 

   I was on here a few years back, but sadly, after 3 years of hard recovery, I decided that I wanted to dance with the devil once more. 

   I went back on 10 mg for 2.5 years and sure enough, my life began unraveling. My relationship with my husband became distant. I wasn’t sleeping well. My friends began to distance themselves from me. My days were filled with chaos. I was angry and anxious all the time. I lost the 20 lbs that inspired me to return to the meds but after a few years I had gained it all back and then some. I knew it wasn’t the answer but I was caught in the trap and wasn’t sure if I would ever have the strength to return to my unmedicated authentic self.

   Then a miracle happened. I got pregnant. Something I didn’t think my body was capable of. I went off the following day and haven’t been back. Next week I will be celebrating my sons 1 year birthday.

   My first recovery was my “woe is me” recovery. I blamed everything on my lack of medicine. I focused on what I “couldn’t” do. This go around it has been different. It has been empowering. My relationships are blooming. My husband and I are stronger than ever. I wake up happy. I am a great mother. For the first time ever, I am proud of myself. 

   I was put on amphetamines as a teen. Now at 38 I have finally met myself as an adult. This is the best version of myself, I’m never letting go of it. 

[Doge]

So happy for you!  Going back to it is common.  I was clean for 6 years then went back to it in February.  Glad to hear your outlook is so positive.  Congratulations on having your child.  Sure puts that 20lbs in perspective!

[Lizzie]

@doge thanks so much! 20 lbs is not worth my soul. I will stick with diet and exercise this time. 

[LILTEX41]

@Lizzie Congratulations!!! So proud and happy for you!!