First time quitting... just wanted to tell a little about my experience so far

[ahm5028]

So I decided to quit adderall a few weeks ago after a long term debate over whether the positive side effects outweighed the negative side effects. To give a little history... I had taken some in college because my roommate had a prescription for them, and they helped me so much that I decided to go see a doctor/psychiatrist about my potential for having ADHD to get some of my own. I actually did all this within the first few months of graduating college, where I had a ridiculously lousy GPA upon graduating (C average). I was personally (and still am to some degree) convinced that I have ADHD, considering how much I struggled to complete tasks due to the fact it would take me so long to complete them. A task that took my peers an hour to complete could take me three or four, and I wouldn't even understand what I was doing for a majority of that period. I like to think that I'm an intelligent person with a lack of motivation caused by lack of attentiveness and interest. So getting back on track, the psychiatrist diagnosed me with Adult ADHD, especially after telling her that I have a scarlet fever induced form of tourettes. She said that this had manifested itself into ADHD coupled with anxiety, and prescribed me with a couple anti-depressents and trazodone (for those that haven't taken trazodone, its awful. Its like taking Nyquil at night and then taking another full dose upon waking but having to stay awake throughout the day). After a month of the anti-depressents, I knew that I wanted off of them and still wanted to the adderall, so I went to see my family doctor and she prescribed me the 15 mg XR, which was upped to 25 mg eventually and then switched over to 15 mg IR twice a day.

My experience with the XR were okay, until the comedowns started to kick in and my tolerance increased considerably. The first few months were fine, but after taking an XR first thing in the morning, I would feel great for about 4 to 8 hours and then feel awful for the remaining 2 - 4 hours. Depressed, sad, unmotivated. You name it, I felt it during the comedown. I did end up going back to a university to up my GPA, and I did great. I took 20 non-degree credits, 6 of which were graduate level, and ended up with a 3.7 average throughout those 20 credits. This was a sort of self justification that I really did need this throughout college and that this was going well.

Fast forward to May 2012. I obtained my first real job shortly after completing the 20 non-degree credits and felt as if I was headed in the right direction. This job didn't last however, and this past January (2013), the company went under due to a multitude of reasons which I'm not going to list. I have been looking ever since, and with the economy the way it is, I feel like I'm back at square one from the day I graduated college. I have some additional cool on my resume, but as far as furthering myself, I'm not doing very much.

After a lot of self mindfulness and internal debate, I decided to search for myself before I was on adderall. I do feel like I have lost some of my creativity, as do a lot of others on these forums who have been on the drug. I think the biggest problem with adderall though is that it makes you feel invincible. I've never done cocaine, but I know scientifically adderall and cocaine are not that far removed from each other. People who have done cocaine have that invincible, king of everything on top of the world kind of feeling, and that is why I feel like adderall is so addictive to me. My grandmother was addicted to uppers back in the days where doctors would prescribe them for weight loss, and all but one of my grandparents died from emphysema. The last one died from a heart problem due to alcoholism. In other words, I feel as though genetically I am prone to embrace this invincible feeling and seek it, something that I have realized about myself since the first days of adderall usage. I won't deny that it has helped me in a lot of ways, and it does make you more outgoing when your on it. However, as soon as the comedown starts, the socialite that I was not even 15 minutes prior seems to disappear and out comes this quiet, overly self conscious person who can hardly keep up with the simplest of conversations. If anybody else has had this experience, it would be great to hear about it. This was the primary reason why i wanted to find my former self through the thick smoke of adderall, because even though i was shy before I started taking adderall, I was never that overly self conscious weirdo who avoided people at all costs. That was not me. And I didn't like it.

Being off adderall right now I seem to be losing interest in typing and thinking about the other things I should be doing... those of you who are have detoxed or are currently detoxing probably understand. I'm on my 10th day out of 11 days off of adderall entirely. I ran in the tough mudder last Saturday and decided to take half of one dose (about 7.5 mg) upon waking just so I could function, since were were leaving around 7. Was I proud of this? No, but I feel justified in the fact it was my only hiccup since the 14th (first day off).

How has it been?

Well, the first few days were pretty slow... I had a REALLY hard time finding motivation to do anything. Luckily I had been reading about ways to keep my energy up just to function somewhat normally, and I've pretty much been living off of a Vitamin-C/B-Complex along with 1000 to 1500 mg of l-tyrosine in the first few hours upon waking everyday, as well as one to two 5 hour energy's throughout the day. I've also been drinking coffee and tea occasionally, just so my body isn't destroyed by 5 hour energy's. I recently bought yerba mate, which actually just got in today, and I like it so far. I can feel a little boost of energy and concentration from it. I am still lacking the motivation I had while on adderall, and honestly I don't think I will ever get that back. I have been better at sitting down and actually filling out applications and calling hiring departments back, but it takes preparation and I definitely have to be energized in order to do things (in other words, after 8 or 9 pm, my concentration is toast and I hardly ever get anything done).

I have read a lot on here about people really, really struggling to get out of bed those first few days, and I think it has a lot to do with the dosage. I can't even imagine taking 90 mg of adderall a day and then quitting cold turkey. I had weened myself down to one pill a day the week before I quit and then quit cold turkey, so it was really only 15 when I stopped. The point of this was not to diss on those taking 90 mg by any means. I'm trying to be empathetic by saying that I understand; if I were taking 90 mg a day, there is no way I would still be sober by now. Kudos to those of you who have quit after taking that much. You are champions.

I have faith that given another week or so I'll feel even better, and it will only get better after that. Does anybody have any further suggestions besides the tyrosine-b complex-5 hour energy combo. I have looked at a lot of forums and these seem to be the most common detox "helpers" if you will.

This is a pretty long post, and kind of all over the place. There are things I could expand on, so if anybody has a question, feel free to ask. Thank you everybody for reading and I hope that maybe I can help somebody who is thinking about quitting by showing them that it does get better with time.

[SecretlyAPerfectionist]

To be honest, every day sucks a little less. I don't really know about the supplements. I tried Yerba but I'm not sure it really did anything. I would just say sleep, don't feel guilty for sleeping. And try to force yourself to eat healthy, because eating junk food can be a demotivator too. Keep it up! The hardest part is through