Four Months Sobriety: Relapse Prevention Support Needed

[Hmmmm]

Hi all,

 

four months clean off of Adderall/Vyvanse after abusing it for the past 8 years. Not everyday, but when I did, I would go on extreme binges taking 30 mg of vyvanse every few hours for 24 hours straight, etc. or take 1/3 my adderall script in a night. 
 

I would doctor shop so my dose would change but I was always prescribed around 30 mg vyvanse and 20 mg XR adderall.

 

i went to rehab and did the whole thing. I haven’t drank. I’m four months in, and now that I’m starting to untangle the mess of my life (facing financial matters I ignored for months, health appointments) …. I feel intense cravings. Likely due to the increased stress from financial struggles, returning to work earlier than expected due to expenses, and starting to isolate in my room again which is where I used to have binges.

 

i am so tired and just wondering when it gets better and trying to tell myself I don’t want to restart my progress.

 

But man if I could take adderall/vyv and respond to the 15+ people I have been neglecting,  go through  my mail, and set up all my doctor appts & be done… that would be great… or at least that’s what I keep thinking and I know that’s the addiction talking. It’s saying I could do that and then once I’m in a good place I could start recovery again. Idk. It’s tough not being responsive to friends virtually or in person (I have a friend who moved in my building as soon as I started recovery, bad timing).

 

please any words of advice or wisdom or even just relating to me. 
 

TLDR: I don’t feel great at 4 months sobriety and social/financial demands are making me want to relapse

[Doge]

Congrats on 4 months clean by the way.  That's the hardest part by far.

I know what you mean about the intense cravings.  I'm at about the 6 month mark after my (most recent) relapse and I've been feeling them too.  I admit I've even been looking for new health clinics, plotting to get another assessment so I can get a new prescription.  It's like you work so hard to talk yourself out of it, then spend a few minutes feeling positive and proud of yourself, only to have your thoughts turn towards it again.  It really wears you down.  I don't want to relapse again though.  It's NOT worth it.

I can speak from experience though, this is normal for this part of your timeline.  Just take it one day at a time and do the BARE MINIMUM to get by in the meantime.  That's awesome you haven't been drinking as alcohol is something I can blame almost every relapse on, at least partially.

And yeah, it would be nice to have superpowers but that just not what the drug does for me anymore.  I'd take it, do a couple hours of work, and then do exactly what you said -- slam an entire bottle in one night and be cracked out for a day and a half, left to pick up the pieces.

Have you ever been to a narcotics anonymous meeting?  I went to my first one a few days ago.  I plan to go back once my schedule permits, at least once or twice per week.  I didn't share, just listened, which everyone was fine with.  And even listening to others really helps get your head back in the right space.  They have online ones over discord now too so you TRULY are anoymous.  Fire me a DM if you'd like the link.  Posting on here is great too.

Stay strong, friend, we love you!

[Doge]

PS - welcome!  It may be therapeutic to tell your story (as much as you feel comfortable sharing).  We want to know you and be here for you!

[Hmmmm]

12 hours ago, Doge said:

Congrats on 4 months clean by the way.  That's the hardest part by far.

I know what you mean about the intense cravings.  I'm at about the 6 month mark after my (most recent) relapse and I've been feeling them too.  I admit I've even been looking for new health clinics, plotting to get another assessment so I can get a new prescription.  It's like you work so hard to talk yourself out of it, then spend a few minutes feeling positive and proud of yourself, only to have your thoughts turn towards it again.  It really wears you down.  I don't want to relapse again though.  It's NOT worth it.

I can speak from experience though, this is normal for this part of your timeline.  Just take it one day at a time and do the BARE MINIMUM to get by in the meantime.  That's awesome you haven't been drinking as alcohol is something I can blame almost every relapse on, at least partially.

And yeah, it would be nice to have superpowers but that just not what the drug does for me anymore.  I'd take it, do a couple hours of work, and then do exactly what you said -- slam an entire bottle in one night and be cracked out for a day and a half, left to pick up the pieces.

Have you ever been to a narcotics anonymous meeting?  I went to my first one a few days ago.  I plan to go back once my schedule permits, at least once or twice per week.  I didn't share, just listened, which everyone was fine with.  And even listening to others really helps get your head back in the right space.  They have online ones over discord now too so you TRULY are anoymous.  Fire me a DM if you'd like the link.  Posting on here is great too.

Stay strong, friend, we love you!

Thank you so much for everything you said. I actually thought about sharing my story, but I needed to get out a quick request for help and you really came through. 
 

you’re so right, sure maybe I’d get some stuff done for a few hours, but then, when it started to fade, I’d just stare at a to do list and crash/ take more to avoid crashing. And I’d be left picking up the pieces. 
 

thank you for sharing. Definitely will be reaching out, thank you for the warm welcome <3

[Doge]

Thanks to you also.  We all need eachother!

[Hmmmm]

41 minutes ago, Doge said:

Thanks to you also.  We all need eachother!

Messaged ya

[LILTEX41]

@Hmmmm

Congrats on your 4 months and going to rehab!! That's such a huge step and life-changing. I reiterate what Doge said about trying an NA meeting. Going and listening is perfectly great! It's amazing what a support group can do. I know from experience that not having one leads me to my way back out to my addictions. My life has been crazy, but today I am so PROUD to say I have 21 months clean again!!!  

Stick with it and please keep fighting. It will get easier, I promise!

[Hmmmm]

3 hours ago, LILTEX41 said:

@Hmmmm

Congrats on your 4 months and going to rehab!! That's such a huge step and life-changing. I reiterate what Doge said about trying an NA meeting. Going and listening is perfectly great! It's amazing what a support group can do. I know from experience that not having one leads me to my way back out to my addictions. My life has been crazy, but today I am so PROUD to say I have 21 months clean again!!!  

Stick with it and please keep fighting. It will get easier, I promise!

Congrats on 21 months! That is insanely impressive. Thank you for the well wishes <3

Today was a lot better for me. Finding a home group will definitely help me a bunch as well; I live in an area far from my rehab so I have struggled to find one around me I like. I went to one, but it was all male and I’m looking for women focused or at least where there’s some other women. 
 

At 21 months, do you feel yourself returned to who you were before adderall? Do you feel yourself returned to happiness you thought you couldn’t have without adderall? I get worried sometimes that I will never be as happy as I was as when I used adderall but I know that’s the addiction talking