12 Miles a Week Running Club

[BeHereNow]

Go everyone!!!!  Great job!!! 

 

Did a 5.5 mile hike and an 8 mile bike ride so far. Going running tomorrow morning too.

 

Nope no need to lie on here.... and YES on the t-shirts!  Love it!!! 

 

Greg I can help a little with your question about xanax.  That's a pretty normal/low dose. The lowest is .25.  I was taking that much for like a year and a half before a new dr decided to cut me off and switch me to klonopin and lexapro.  It doesn't work as well.  I never abused it, but she said its not for long term use and wouldn't give me any more.  So, that really sucked but I've heard stories and it does happen.  I thought I was bulletproof until my usual dr went on leave.  I'm just warning you because your dr might or might not let you stay on it for the long term.  Apparently there's also a DEA crackdown on xanax, and drs and pharmacies have strict limits.  Here's an article about it: 

 

http://www.nbc-2.com/story/20160016/crackdown-on-rx-pills-affecting-legitimate-patients

 

Based on this and my experience getting cut off, I wish I had put some in the freezer or something.   Xanax helps sooo much (especially in the context where you're using it-- I totally relate)-- its amazing, but a lot of doctors won't prescribe for long term, or will eventually try to taper you off, or they might try to put you on antidepressants if you start needing it for the long term.  

 

Anyway, just be careful.  You are right to be concerned about becoming dependent.   Look up "benzo withdrawal" on the internet.  I don't mean to scare you, and you're on a low dose, but it's enough to become dependent and benzos are much harder and more dangerous than adderall to quit.   Running out (either because of traveling or that horrible dr or whatever) is absolute hell for me.   I'm hoping to quit eventually and just take it for emergencies only, but grad school is NOT the time for that!  

 

Of course you need to do what's best for you, but I think its important to know what you're getting into.  I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I got my first xanax script-- I didn't find out how hard it was to stop until I had already been on it for a year.

[Guest greg]

Thanks so much for the reply Occassional. and for clarifying information about it. i dont know much about dosages.

 

My question is - when you had to get off xanax...i mean it was nothing like getting off adderall right??? 

 

i have seen youtube videos of people detoxing off xanax and they look AWFUL. and they are shaking and it just looks bad.

 

But i am thinking they were on outrageous doses?

 

So far i have been taking it twice a day. I have found extremely helpful. especially with PAWS and PAWS is the BANE OF MY EXISTENCE..my eternal enemy..i mean you are really famliar with all my rants about how PAWS has affected me and it hits me so badly years after quitting. And xanax is not a complete solution but partial solution to it.

 

But perhaps i need to work harder to think of it as a medicine to only take for emergency purposes. like a full blown panic attack. And not for PAWS really.

[BeHereNow]

When I had to quit xanax, the dr switched me to klonopin so there wouldn't be withdrawals.   She was wrong-- there actually were withdrawals but eventually I got used to the klonopin.   So it wasn't really quitting, just swapping to another drug in the same class.  

Actually I had been taking a slightly higher dose than what you have.  In my experience (I once went up to 3 weeks) the withdrawals from benzos are way worse than adderall PAWS.  Major panic attacks on a daily basis, insomnia, muscle and stomach aches, trouble focusing, a general feeling of going crazy.  For me, that's way worse than adderall PAWS.  BUT, like quitting adderall, it's different for everyone.  I think the severe cases like where people have seizures are usually people on high doses, and it seems like the longer you take it, and the more you take, the worse it can be.   

 

These are just things to think about.  It's a risk that might be worth it.  It might really help you out!   Even with all this said, for me I still feel that it's been worth it.  Since I've always had really horrible anxiety, I honestly think it's improved the quality of my life.  I don't LIKE taking it.....and I don't LIKE that I'll have to go through another withdrawal eventually...... but it does what I need and to me, that's worth it.   

 

I'm curious to hear from others since many of us take anxiety meds.....anyone?

[ashley6]

It's really interesting you've brought benzos up, because I've been dealing with some issues with it. I have to say, they are excellent medications for people with panic attacks/generalized anxiety. Who deserves to live their life being in a state of anxiety that feels unmanageable? It's not a good way to live. With that being said....

I've been on Xanax or klonopin for something like 7-8 years. I can imagine that if I quit I would have ridiculous withdrawals. I've been on the same dosage of klonopin since I started, .5mgs twice a day. My issue is I've obviously built up a tolerance to the klonopin after such a long period of time, so I'll take an extra half or one on a high anxiety day. I know you're not supposed to do this, and it does concern me because when I get towards the end of the month, and I'm low, it sends me into serious panic mode, because my anxiety raises, and I don't have much medication to manage it. I don't compare klonopin to adderall in any way, shape, or form. I don't crave it, I don't look forward to taking it, etc. The problem is I have stopped feeling like I am strong enough to cope on my own when anxiety strikes. The more I write about this, the more I'm concerned. I'm thinking about setting up a psychiatrist appointment (with a psychiatrist whom I've heard truly listens to you, rather than giving you a combination of medications) instead of going through my general practitioner, so we can really work out what's best. I do plan on getting off the klonopin, but with all the changes right now, it's not a good time. I'm rambling, but I would appreciate feedback on what you two think.

Also, InRecovery, you're using the Xanax for legitimate reasons, so I think for now it's ok for you. I tend to think after going through adderall addiction, we have much more a sense of being protective of ourselves and being careful with what doctors give us....that's good, and I think you will be fine.

[Greg]

thank you so much for your responses. i did not feel it was rambling like you said , i got a lot of perspective. I think its really interesting what you said about not even looking forward to taking your benzos. That sounds like a big distinction from an addiction. And knowing that youve been on for so long and have not developed an addictive mindset toward benzos is encouraging. i am worried especially what you wrote about being concerned about not being strong enough to cope on my own when anxiety strikes. that is also a big fear for me about the Xanax. But on the other hand, i really feel im benefiting from this. 

 

I think it is great that we are vigilent and think and discuss this stuff after what weve been through. we are worried given our history dealing with controlled substances. we have lied to get more and done all sorts of stuff to get more etc etc. and lost control.  Addiction is just such a travesty (their is no adjective to describe how horrible addiction is) and such a difficult thing to come back from and its important that we never ever fall back in that place again. Occasional, i cant fathom anything being worse than adderall withdrawal except maybe ritalin withdrawal. i felt suicidal after quitting. really? xanax withdrawal worse?  

 

I just want to say, I am SO PROUD of us for survivng addiction. Its such a difficult thing to beat and live with and look at us now. standing here and living.

[ashley6]

Had a GREAT workout tonight....one of those where it just feels so good, and you're completely in the zone. 5.5 miles.....10.5 for the week.

[Rich]

Hey everyone, I'm a little late but wanted to join in on the fun. This thread has been both motivating and insightful due to the comments about mental changes and progress etc.

I ran 4 today which puts me at 11.5 for the week. I also did 60 push ups or 110 for the week. I'm used to weight training but I want to build up my aerobic endurance since I notice running really helps me balance myself mentally compared to just doing anaerobic training.

I'm looking forward to learning more from everyone and hopefully sharing my own progress!

Cheers!

[ashley6]

Rich,

Welcome!!! So glad to have you! Sounds like you're already on track and doing it. Good work!

[BeHereNow]

The problem is I have stopped feeling like I am strong enough to cope on my own when anxiety strikes. The more I write about this, the more I'm concerned. I'm thinking about setting up a psychiatrist appointment (with a psychiatrist whom I've heard truly listens to you, rather than giving you a combination of medications) instead of going through my general practitioner, so we can really work out what's best. I do plan on getting off the klonopin, but with all the changes right now, it's not a good time. I'm rambling, but I would appreciate feedback on what you two think.

 

I feel you Ashley.  I have the same concern about coping with anxiety.   I think xanax/klonopin/etc are best used in conjunction with other strategies to work through the anxiety and get to its sources.   That way, hopefully eventually, we can learn other techniques and not need meds as much.   For me, a lot of the time, meds only take the worst edges away from the anxiety and I still have to take other measures....like walking, breathing, running, positive thinking, counting down from 100, telling myself it will pass, etc.  BUT I am not in therapy and I know I should be because that would help me get to the sources of it.  

 

I think getting to the sources or contributing factors has to be key, but it's really hard to figure out where the anxiety is coming from.  When people ask what I'm anxious about, I have to say I'm not anxious 'about' anything.   It just shows up like a monster out of nowhere.   I mean, I first found out I had panic disorder when I was 22 and went to a dr thinking I had a heart problem.  Ashley I remember somewhere you said you went through something similar right?

 

I've always respected xanax and klonopin, I never had an addictive relationship with it, and like you I don't look forward to taking it or anything.   It IS a drug dependency, but it's not addiction, and there's a big difference between the two.  For people like us I don't think there's anything wrong with the dependency.  It's worth it.   To be honest, if a doctor told me I could take xanax for the rest of my life, I would.

[BeHereNow]

Hey everyone, I'm a little late but wanted to join in on the fun. This thread has been both motivating and insightful due to the comments about mental changes and progress etc.

I ran 4 today which puts me at 11.5 for the week. I also did 60 push ups or 110 for the week. I'm used to weight training but I want to build up my aerobic endurance since I notice running really helps me balance myself mentally compared to just doing anaerobic training.

I'm looking forward to learning more from everyone and hopefully sharing my own progress!

Cheers!

 

Hooray! Welcome Rich!! So glad to have you in our club! It's really fun!!!

[Cat]

Yay, a new club member! Welcome to the club Rich! It's super fun.

 

I had one of those runs this morning where it was really smooth sailing and I wished I had more time to keep going. Ran a little over three miles with part of it being on the beach, nothing like running the beach in the early morning. Hit my twelve miles for the week!

[Greg]

Welcome Rich! This is the best club on the planet

[ashley6]

I feel you Ashley. I have the same concern about coping with anxiety. I think xanax/klonopin/etc are best used in conjunction with other strategies to work through the anxiety and get to its sources. That way, hopefully eventually, we can learn other techniques and not need meds as much. For me, a lot of the time, meds only take the worst edges away from the anxiety and I still have to take other measures....like walking, breathing, running, positive thinking, counting down from 100, telling myself it will pass, etc. BUT I am not in therapy and I know I should be because that would help me get to the sources of it.

I think getting to the sources or contributing factors has to be key, but it's really hard to figure out where the anxiety is coming from. When people ask what I'm anxious about, I have to say I'm not anxious 'about' anything. It just shows up like a monster out of nowhere. I mean, I first found out I had panic disorder when I was 22 and went to a dr thinking I had a heart problem. Ashley I remember somewhere you said you went through something similar right?

I've always respected xanax and klonopin, I never had an addictive relationship with it, and like you I don't look forward to taking it or anything. It IS a drug dependency, but it's not addiction, and there's a big difference between the two. For people like us I don't think there's anything wrong with the dependency. It's worth it. To be honest, if a doctor told me I could take xanax for the rest of my life, I would.

Wow, I feel like we are very similar in our anxiety. That's exactly what my new psychiatrist asked me a couple of days ago...."what are you anxious about?" I thought nothing in particular, but everything at the same time. Basically, my brain will find something to dwell on if I don't try to redirect my thinking. I still am struggling with doing that a lot. If you have any tips for how you specifically deal with it, I'd love some help. The new psychiatrist pointed out to me how important self-awareness is when you're suffering from anxiety. I thought...gosh, that's so true, because sometimes I'm just oblivious to what's happening.

And the heart issue...YES. Only it happened when I was probably 9 or 10. I told my mom I was dying (that's how panic attacks can feel, as you know, and at that age I had no idea). So I had an EKG, stomach tests run with a tube down my throat with a camera in it....crazy shit, and it was all anxiety. I missed like 20 days of school that year, because I didn't want to leave the house. Gosh, I forgot how bad it was early on. But yes, 20 years later, I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with it succesfully. I'm sorry you deal with this, but it feels good to relate to someone. I kind of went off on a tangent here, but yes, I agree our quality of life is important, and I think we're kind of poster children for those who it can really benefit.

[BeHereNow]

Wow, I feel like we are very similar in our anxiety. That's exactly what my new psychiatrist asked me a couple of days ago...."what are you anxious about?" I thought nothing in particular, but everything at the same time. Basically, my brain will find something to dwell on if I don't try to redirect my thinking. I still am struggling with doing that a lot. If you have any tips for how you specifically deal with it, I'd love some help. The new psychiatrist pointed out to me how important self-awareness is when you're suffering from anxiety. I thought...gosh, that's so true, because sometimes I'm just oblivious to what's happening.

And the heart issue...YES. Only it happened when I was probably 9 or 10. I told my mom I was dying (that's how panic attacks can feel, as you know, and at that age I had no idea). So I had an EKG, stomach tests run with a tube down my throat with a camera in it....crazy shit, and it was all anxiety. I missed like 20 days of school that year, because I didn't want to leave the house. Gosh, I forgot how bad it was early on. But yes, 20 years later, I'm still trying to figure out how to cope with it succesfully. I'm sorry you deal with this, but it feels good to relate to someone. I kind of went off on a tangent here, but yes, I agree our quality of life is important, and I think we're kind of poster children for those who it can really benefit.

 

I have to agree-- I wouldn't wish this upon anyone but its so helpful to relate to someone about this level of anxiety.  I honestly don't know anyone in my life who has it as bad.   Your childhood story really hits home, and sounds so painful.  I just imagine you as a little kid thinking you're dying and going through that.  Its totally heartbreaking.

 

Though it was nothing as bad as your story, I had some pretty bad anxiety in childhood too.   One highlight I remember is thinking I was dying of hypothermia after playing in the snow all day.  I obsessed about it for hours, but was too anxious to even tell my mom!   Just like how when it's a really bad attack, I'm too anxious to tell anyone, even my closest people.  The anxiety monster likes secrecy maybe.  In my 20s it got worse.  On top of the heart thing, I also (on another occasion) went to a dr thinking I had an aneurysm.  He said it was just a gland.  Haha.

 

 I wonder why it takes the form of hypochondria and thinking we're dying sometimes?   I read somewhere that people with anxiety disorders go to the dr statistically much more often.   Why is it so physicalized?  Tingling hands, trouble breathing, chest pain, weird vision, feeling like I'm about to go crazy, have a seizure, and/or die.   I know it's also adrenal responses and all that too, but.... Are we taking our anxiety out on our bodies?-- something more concrete to dwell on?

 

I really like what your psychiatrist said about self-awareness.   Have you read anything by Pema Chodron?  She writes a lot about mindfulness and I think that's probably a good thing for us to work on.  I really loved her book When Things Fall Apart but I haven't read it in awhile.   I like what you said about disrupting negative thoughts.  My brain finds things to dwell on too.  Then it becomes like a spiral where the more you dwell, the more you're motivated to dwell....I guess that's why OCD is related to anxiety disorders.  And some of the things we dwell on are not even what the anxiety is 'about.'  (and YES it's also about everything AND nothing all at once!)   I'll let you know if I find any techniques to disrupt the dwelling part.  All I know is, going for a walk is the best panic remedy I know.   It gets the blood flowing and the mind moving.   But sometimes it gets so bad I can't leave the house.  

 

What's the worst is when the anxiety is so paralyzing it prevents me from doing what I want or need to do.  And then I feel incapable of doing that thing, and get really down on myself about it.  I guess thats one way anxiety can lead to depression. 

 

It's so complicated!!!  We should probably start another thread about this, but (especially with how many threads there are about anxiety), how funny is it that our anxiety conversation emerged through our running club! 

[BeHereNow]

......And on the running club part:  Go team!!!!!

 

The previous week I did around 9 miles.  This past week I did around 24 total-- 5 or 6 of those were hiking, the rest running. Also 8 miles of riding bikes and 80 push ups.  

This is all helping so much and a huge confidence boost and building mental strength like you said Greg.   Been cleansing too.  I think I had a total of like 6 drinks in the month of August so far, which is really good for me.   Apart from the fact that summer is over, I feel pretty good overall.   Maybe my progress in part is thanks to Wellbutrin.  THANKS, WELLBUTRIN!  Haha.  Our club has really helped me get through some shit and get so much fitter and feel so much better than I did a month ago.  Definitely planning to stay in the club no matter how busy things get.

[Guest greg]

yes occasional, the storm is coming for us students...

 

I just want to chime in and say that i got 3 in today. I have begun running with a stop watch, three laps around the track at a time (4 sets = 3 miles total) just like the running group i see on the track. It forces me to push myself harder during the times i do run, and ive been able to run faster. Of course this is only the second time ive tried this. But i ran faster today than i did yesterday. 

[BeHereNow]

Chiming in too!  Did a 6 mile trail run.  I had to really push it to get going, but after a couple miles I decided to go the long way.  Running is harder for me in the morning because I'm not a huge morning person, but I made myself go--and keep going.

 

Also, did 50 push ups.

[Rich]

Did 4.5 miles this morning. I'm starting grad classes and part time work this week and keeping my running routine is going to be key in resisting urges to get back on Vyvanse

[Guest greg]

Hey Rich, great job. Same here. part time work and grad classes this week. 

 

I got my 12 done!! Im early this week.

 

Sat - 3 

Sun - 3

Today - 6

 

On another note, the Xanax is helping with anxiety, social anxiety, and PAWS. But im  worried to be enthusiastic about it because how many times have we heard or given ourselves the adderall narrative..."At first, it changed my life...i could breathe and function like a real person for the first time....." 

 

I refuse to be enthusiastic about xanax or any pill like that ever. like i was with adderall. So the xanax helps, but its short term and i plan cut down and i do not have long term plan for this medicine. that is my attitiude. it helps but im whatever about it.

[ashley6]

I got 2.5 in tonight. I'm up at school for now, so I don't have my gym to go to, and it's hot. I admire you guys for pushing through it in the heat!

[Cat]

Nice work Occasional, Greg, Rich and Ashley. So far I've stuck it out all summer without a gym membership, so running in the morning to avoid the heat or just going for it in the sun. But there's a small park nearby with a little shady trail around it, so running there and back plus a few loops around the trail isn't so bad. I am at 7 miles for the week with my major success so far being 4 miles yesterday without walking. Trying to go from a "3 miler" to a "4 miler" average run.

[BeHereNow]

Great job friends!!!!!

 

I've been sticking it out with no gym too.  I run in the late evening around neighborhoods near my house, or in the rain.   I'm also learning to run in the morning, but it's so hard.  Half the time when I do a morning run I'll be tired and recovering all day.  Does anyone have tips for dealing with this?  Does it get better as I train more?

 

I have like 11.5 for the week--I'm early too.   Did almost 6 miles yesterday morning on the trail.  Well I hiked probably a mile or so of that because there was a steep hill to go up and down.  I definitely had to push it to keep running.  Also 30 push-ups.

 

Has anyone noticed increased appetite?  All this running is making me extremely hungry ALL THE TIME!!!   I mean I love to eat and all, and I know one of the benefits of being a runner is that you can eat more (haha), but it's getting kind of annoying!  I've lost 5 lbs since joining the club too.    I once knew someone who had to quit marathon running because he couldn't afford the grocery bill....lol.

[ashley6]

Good job all! I did 2.5 miles tonight....some walking. I got waaaaay spoiled with the treadmill. I'm pushing hard to get even 2.5 in. I probably should've started initially outside. I'm only at 5 for the week, but I'm trying here, team!

[BeHereNow]

You're doing great Ashley!!!!   I can't imagine, that must be a tough transition because it IS different on the treadmill, but you're already super strong and amazing!!! 

[Rich]

Good work everyone!

I got my 12 in this week and plan to keep going this weekend.

Mon: 4.5

Tues: 4.5

Thurs: 4