Divorcing addict wife after she sent me to jail

[Lightbringer21]

Hello everyone. I'm not sure how many read these posts or how often. Even if no one responds, that's okay. It just feels good to get this out in writing after a couple years. I've read many of the posts about failed marriages due to this nasty drug and the parallels between those stories and mine are pretty much carbon copies. Today marks the day from which I have one week to be released from a halfway house after being locked up for 2 years due to my wife reporting me for seeing my kids outside of the confines of a protective order she took out while on an adderall and alcohol binge. My apologies if this post is long.

I met my wife 15 years ago when she had a little girl that was 5 years old. We married a year later and I became a stepdad. I think I was a good one, too. I taught her how to ride a bike, helped her with reading and her homework, got her doing so well that she was accepted into a college prep program by the 7th grade. I'm a college grad myself so I was really gunning for her success. We had a son two years after being married and I treated my wife like a queen through the whole process. Having her daughter was a stressful event so I had a penthouse-sized suite at the hospital bought and paid for months in advance with a week of care for her and our son. She and the in-laws thought I'd hung the moon. I was on an enter-without-knocking basis with them and her friends that became my friends. I let her know every day of our marriage how beautiful she was to me. Life was good with promotions and vacations for years after. We were even able to have our own house built after a couple years of working our butts off.  

I guess when you're with a person for over 10 years and have seen the good, the bad and the ugly, you think you know them. I thought so. My wife and I were both heavy drinkers but we kept it under control when the kids were around. We tried drugs here and there at parties and some were fun but we were never hooked. I tried adderall for the first time when I was a construction supervisor and one pill kept me wife awake for 2 days straight. It gave me energy, but not the kind of energy I liked. I had and still have problems with crippling depression and anxiety so I took prescription Klonopin and Effexor. I work best with downers. My wife and I are exact opposites. She's a type-A personality with severe ADHD and I should've known she'd eventually try to get on adderall. I dreaded that thought because I loved her bubbly personality and knew things wouldn't be the same.

Fast forward to late 2021. She says she has trouble concentrating at work and at home and she's going to see the PCP that we share. Lo and behold, she gets him to prescribe her vyvanse. This gives her a bit more energy and concentration but after a couple months she says it's not enough. She sees him again and gets prescribed an adderall "booster" for the vyvanse...a 30 mg booster. And she starts going through these things immediately. She even carries them on her at all times. Her personality starts to change very gradually for the worse. It's an insidious change. One that gives you a sense of impending doom and heartbreak. But it's like watching two cars that are past the point of no return from hitting each other head-on. She became hyper-focused on all things she suddenly didn't approve of. "Why did you clean the whole house and still not do the dishes? Why is the grass not cut, it's already 9 am! What are you looking at on your computer? My bitch of an assistant pissed me off today...and why is the trash not taken out? Do I have to do everything around here?! What are you upset about today? Get over it, crybaby! How dare you bitch and moan and say I ignore my children, you're just a pathetic motherfucker!" 

Yeah, that was another thing. She lacks a lot of empathy, even for the kids. She even admitted that she didn't have the time or patience to help the kids with their homework during the covid times. I didn't mind because I love helping them and hate seeing them upset when things are hard to figure out.  She would take trips to the grocery store on Saturdays and normally take a couple hours and be back. I'm not one to call and nitpick because I trusted her. When the adderall hit the scene she began taking 4-5 hours for a store that's just 15 minutes away. The kids started to complain that she was missing out on going to the pool or doing things with them. She said she didn't have time to worry about their complaints. I should've read between the lines anyway. 

So was I innocent during all this? Absolutely not. But I admitted I had a problem with alcohol early on and asked her if she might help me get some kind of treatment. She looked at me with sheer contempt. I was going through almost two liters of vodka a day to numb my home life. I would stumble here and there, sadly right in front of the kids sometimes. I would pick fights with her when she nitpicked at me. I went through three jobs in the year 2022. Finally, I landed a job which paid in the six-figure range but I could tell she wasn't impressed and had other ideas. 

December 31st of 2022 was the last time we were together as a married couple. We partied with friends and had uncharacteristically great sex that night. That's another thing. Sex was never an issue and we never went a couple days without it, but this last time she acted like it was the greatest sex she'd ever had in a million lifetimes. That was another red flag. 

Now we get to January 4th of 2023. We had an argument the night before about something trivial but slept soundly. I called her in the morning to tell her I love her and I get my head bitten off. I didn't recognize why I was talking to. 8 hours later I return home and the locks are changed on the doors. I knock and she says she has called the police. Knowing a little something about Texas law, I wait by my truck for them to show up. In this state, you can't just lock your spouse out of the house unless there is a court order. The police show up and she tells them I'm a danger to her and the kids. I've never laid a finger on any of them and have never threatened to. She becomes so belligerent that the police are tired of the scene being created in front of our HOA neighborhood and they tell her to give me a key and go to her mother's house. She peels off after giving me a look of pure murder. Thankfully, the kids are staying at their grandmother's for the week. I come in and see adderall pills spilled all over the counter next to an empty whiskey bottle. I don't drink whiskey. I stay at the house and drink heavily that night but leave with some of my stuff in the morning to stay with my parents for a couple days. Two days later, I'm served with a protective order barring me from contact with her and the kids and the house. We go to the hearing and although the female judge cannot stand my wife and her bad acting, she still grants her a protective order for a year with the condition I'm allowed to talk to my kids on the phone. I tried calling my mother-in-law and our friends but she'd already taken care of that. God only knows what she told them.

I assumed divorce was imminent, obviously, but whenever I brought it up my wife would act insulted that I even suggested it. She said I needed to get myself sober and get my shit together. Of course, she could not be held accountable for any problems she caused. I had a feeling she was holding out so she could avoid paying me alimony. I had to beg to talk to my son. My step-daughter had already been turned against me and still hasn't talked to me to this day. She allowed me to cheat the system and see my son on Father's Day that year and even held my hand and kissed me and told me she loved me with tears in her eyes. She seemed a lot calmer and a little tired but still full of humor, kind of like her old self. A couple weeks later, she had changed her last name on social media, blocked me, and again refused to let me talk to my son. I texted him one night and his reply was "Go away, loser."

So I'd had enough. I showed up to the house and walked right in and said "Hey family!" Her and my step-daughter had a look of sheer panic on their faces. Her and I walked out and started arguing in front of the Ring camera at the front door. She would later say to the judge in court that I threatened her with her life. I told the judge that this was all on camera and she dismissed my wife's claim. 

Over the next month I went to the house when my wife wasn't home to see my son who I missed terribly. He was 10 years old. The last time I saw him, he began crying and took out his phone and dialed the police, telling me "Sorry Daddy, I have to." 

So there you have it. I was arrested that last time and charged with three counts of Felony Violation of Protective Order.  My attorney, the judge and the DA were very confused when my wife gave her victim impact statement. It was 10 full minutes of rambling jargon that didn't even mention how I broke the law. I could tell she was still on those pills and probably drinking. But still, here I am after 2 years of lockup. I met dozens upon dozens of men that were going through the same thing in jail. Hey, at least I'm 2 years sober. 

Our house is $10,000 behind in property taxes and will be in foreclosure soon. I don't want any part of anything. I'm lucky to have my sanity. She's making a fool enough of herself on social media with the typical "I don't need no man" posts. Strange thing to post when your friends have to help you with food and bills. There is now a no-contact order in place which keeps my from my house and kids, indefinitely. Oh, and did I mention she now parties with our step-daughter at bars? It's more than likely she's seeing other guys but takes care to hide it. I already found a job that pays well and that will overlook my record. I just want to get a good divorce lawyer and make this process go by as quickly as possible so I can see my son again. 

My friends, I can't express how deeply depressed, disappointed, bewildered and blindsided I've been by this thing that used to be the love of my life. I imagine you all share similar sentiments, whether you're a man or a woman. That's another thing: this didn't make my loathe all women. In fact, I love the ones even more that don't pull this type of crap. 

I ended with a sentence in an email I sent her when she last blocked me on her phone. "Please get off this drug before it's too late for you to turn back. If not for me, for our kids. You and I used to say we were not perfect but that we were perfect for each other. When you finally stop this, it will be too late and I won't be there."

 

 

 

[Doge]

Thanks for sharing.  People do still check this site.  We had a lot of spam lately which was burying the actual content but it seems to have been taken care of -- thanks mods!

I know what you mean about it being therapeutic to put this all in writing.  I hope your ex-wife is able to break free from the prison she's in, and that your kids are OK and you are able to heal your relationship with them.

Congratulations on having 2 years clean!