Rock bottom AFTER quitting?

[ldmcniel]

I haven't been on here in awhile. The good news is that I did NOT relapse, the bad news is I almost ended up in a psych ward. Did anyone else go into a psychosis months after quitting? My husband and therapist think it could be that I had numbed myself for 2 years and didnt feel emotion. When I quit, the numbness was gone and the emotions were too. I didn't know how to handle feeling again and long story short, I went a little (ok more than a little) nuts! I have never had a melt down like I did. It was like I just broke and snapped. Soooo... I guess my point is, has anyone else had this happen or am I just the odd one( like always) ?

[Krax]

I haven't been on here in awhile. The good news is that I did NOT relapse, the bad news is I almost ended up in a psych ward. Did anyone else go into a psychosis months after quitting? My husband and therapist think it could be that I had numbed myself for 2 years and didnt feel emotion. When I quit, the numbness was gone and the emotions were too. I didn't know how to handle feeling again and long story short, I went a little (ok more than a little) nuts! I have never had a melt down like I did. It was like I just broke and snapped. Soooo... I guess my point is, has anyone else had this happen or am I just the odd one( like always) ?

I didn't get diagnosed as such but man, I certainly felt pscyhotic around month 3-4 after quitting, so I don't think you are alone in that respect. I absolutely think that it had to do with the avoidance I engaged in for the four years I was taking ritalin, even when I was temporarily withdrawing after buring through my supply, that in itself was numbing because my mind was focused on obtaining my next prescription. So ya, I think though maybe your experience was more extreme in outcome (though it's good you got help), that that response in general is typical.

[ldmcniel]

Thank you. It's good to feel that you are not the only person that goes through this.

[ionehitwonderi]

Yes I am 7 months into quitting and I been feeling that way recently. I feel like adderall has made me bipolar

[olivia115]

I have days where I feel similar too. It's like a moment of clarity, the fog of numbing all those emotions lifts and I get totally overwhelmed. I saw a psychiatrist to talk things over and that along with some hours crying and time and distance from my days using adderall has really been making a difference.

[BeHereNow]

Sorry to hear about that ldmcniel.   I hope things are getting better for you and so glad to hear you didn't relapse!

 

I could totally see how that could happen.  The return of emotions is insanely intense and pretty overwhelming--- I often find it really tough to deal with and I could see how it could lead to other effects.  It depends on so many factors, brain chemistry, life history, prior traumas, adderall dosage and length on it, other meds, etc.   But, I could see how various forms of psychosis, anxiety, bipolar tendencies, depression, and others could be possible long term results, some of which might have to do with the emotional suppression that took place.   Makes sense.  It's a serious drug, and numbing ourselves emotionally is a serious undertaking.

[Kevin86]

Might be the stress of quitting is causing you to reach a breaking point, and release all of the emotions previously repressed.  I'm no psychologist, though  .

 

I haven't had a big episode yet, 6 months in, keeping my fingers crossed.  Hopefully you feel better soon.

[Motivation_Follows_Action]

I'm noticing that further along in to recovery, mood swings are common and surprising. Even scary. Also seems like most of us have them. I said to someone the other day that its like life has no "natural rhythm" any more. And then I realized that I basically stunted my growth for the 5 years I was on adderall. I have to grieve the loss of my 30s, and the joy I robbed myself of, and the pain I never had time to heal through.

You can never really run away. You can only run in circles and get frustrated in the process. Wherever life takes you, you are still you. That's hard for me to take.

[resetBrain]

MFA, don't know your age; I'm 40 and have being doing the 'grieving the loss of my 30's'. Or at least the last 3-4 years of it when I was on Adderall. Grieving the loss of my 'youth.'  I know this is illogical, like what's done is done, and age is relative anyway. But the emotion doesn't follow the logic. I hear you on "I have to grieve the loss of my 30s."

[Krax]

I don't want to minimize anything any of you have said - I certainly share your feelings of feeling like I wasted 4 years of my life, specifically for me the fact that I was high or wanting to be high all of that time and not nearly as present in the moment as I could have been with my family - so I totally relate, however in a sense in some ways I think that I learned from my abuse of ritilan, like any bad experience there is something to learn - it taught me to appreciate alot of things about myself and in my life that I took for granted before I started using and abusing - if I hadn't experienced that period of using, I would probably still be in the dark about some things and non appreciative about some things about myself and my life that I now appreciate.  I had issues before using (which is probably why I started) - it wasn't all roses before then - and though it may not have been a straight linear path from there to here - it in some ways led me to where I am now in dealing with stuff. 

 

Edit: after I wrote this and thought about it I think it's incomplete. I don't want to change any of what I wrote but I think it's leaving something important out.  When some of you say that your years of using stunted your growth in a sense, I do have a similar experience in that my ability to tolerate difficult feelings was weakened somewhat since the use of amphetamine disconnected me completely, making it so I did not have to continue to work on learning to deal with and be patient with my feelings. I am now having to work on that again, so ya, it did suspend my development in that sense.