catw66 Posted July 14, 2013 Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 I took an Adderall holiday for a day from my cut down from 20 to 10 mg. and it got a little unpleasant towards the end of the day and I felt a bit weird this morning, but overall better for it. I now know for sure that Adderall was screwing me with depression and I really don't want to take it at all just to cut down on it anymore. It really did something messy with my brain that was highly uncomfortable - more uncomfortable than any withdrawal symptoms, so I'm going to keep going here and just not take it. I can't wait to be free of it. The L-Tryrosine and B-Vatamins are really helping me. I got out yesterday and though I was tired, I didn't have that crashing feeling that would happen when I felt my brain was just shutting down after a while...and thus my body along with it. Keeping up with my yoga practice is helping. This is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be, though it's not great either, but better than that Adderall "dead zone" effect I was having that I just can't stand anymore. As well, my heart doesn't feel like it is pounding out of my chest anymore. I didn't realize how much I was feeling my heart pound on some level when on it. I pulled out the literature on it that came with my last script and I was having all the major side effects and just didn't take it seriously. Wow.... I think this all happened just at the right time as I was slated for ECT treatments and now I am thinking I don't need them. I can manage any residual depression with yoga and cognitive behavior techniques. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted July 14, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 One thing I am noticing though is that my ADD is back in full force, but at least there is some force behind it and I'm motivated to get things done - even if I have a creative way of mutlitasking through various things at once. It was not nearly as bad as feeling like a half-dead zombie with no passion for as long as I was. Maybe ADD is functional for some, even if it's a pain the ass to deal wtih. It's actually part of my creative style that keeps me interested in moving forward on both bigger and lesser things. I'm realizing that at some point the Adderall reallly turned on me and it wasn't going to go well until I cut way down and then quit. When I think of it, it totally changed my brain in combination with two other medications and my particular brain the way it is anyway. Not all drugs do the same thing for the same people, but when enough people have a bad time on it, that should be paid attention to seriously. But I had my doctor telling me to take more and it wasn't likely making my depression worse so I ignored the pamphlet and assumed other things ...bad relationship, chronic fatigue, seasonal affective disorder getting worse, etc. etc..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted July 14, 2013 Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 It sounds like you are really ready to be done with this drug, forever. That is how I felt when I quit and I have never looked back. A doctor's practice (their business) is entirely reliant on prescribing drugs to people. The drug's not working? take a higher dosage. You have side effects? we have other drugs to treat that. You have unusual medical problems? couldn't be from the drugs we have prescribed so lets do a battery of medical tests. Then we will prescribe even more drugs and schedule regular doctor visits to monitor your "conditions". What a fucking scam. I believe with time away from adderall you will come to realize that ADD is not really an illness or condition - it is just who you are. It was just a convenient justification for obtaining and taking the "medicine". Congratulations for finally quitting. Remember that total abstinence is the only road to a full recovery from this awful addiction. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted July 14, 2013 Report Share Posted July 14, 2013 congratulations!!!! Knew you could do it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
resetBrain Posted July 15, 2013 Report Share Posted July 15, 2013 catw66, I'm maybe, finally, knock on wood, coming out of what has been a 3.5-year bout of major debilitating freaking depression which I'm pretty sure it wouldn't have lasted nearly as long without Adderall in the picture. The depression started about 6 months after I started taking Adderall. Sure, there are other variables, like many SSRI's, SNRI's, etc. that I was prescribed to try to help the depression, but Adderall was always in the mix. First for focus, but then later to "augment" the other meds, or to offset the somnolence from other meds. Other meds which never really worked, *maybe* because it was Adderall jacking up my brain chemistry in the first place. Definitely during that time I begged shrinks for ECT, wanting to trying anything to lift the depression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2013 Now I'm on day three and it is catching up with me. Severe depression, fatigue, and lack of motivation. Some of it is hormonal though. It seems to ake my brain a bit to figure out it's missing something but I have to say I didn't feel that much better with Adderall in my system and my skin already looks a little brighter so I'll keep on with this and hope I will be ok, but very fatigued and sacked out. I don't think I believe in ADD either anymore. For some maybe, but for me Adderall didn't help that much at all. I think the mixing of various drugs to treat depression can cause more problems and maybe that's been my case. Still going to see the neuropsych though. I'm tired of feeling this low and going up and down all the time....but hanging in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2013 I'm wondering if having ups and downs mood-wise is part of the recovery or withdrawal process? Still taking the L-Tryosine and my vitamins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted July 16, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2013 resetBrain - I noticed the same thing - that with the Adderall I just have not snapped out of the long-lasting depressions as fast as I used to be able to. Even when I felt somewhat better, I was always fighting a low level of it that would get worse if I went two days without yoga. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted July 17, 2013 Report Share Posted July 17, 2013 Catw66, I agree completely with Quit-once.Total abstinence is the only road to a full recovery from this awful addiction. How are you doing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin86 Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Congratulations on going drug free. You can do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catw66 Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 I am starting to feel better on day 6 after some usual hormonal stuff I go through routinely. In fact, I found out I have endometriosis, which was causing my chronic fatigue and that is one of the reasons I wanted an Rx for Adderall. What a mistake that was! I was only going to take it near that time of month and ended up on it every day as I thought wrongly it was helping me. Still dealing with some depression, but I think overall it is not nearly as painful as it was and if nothing else, I forsee myself getting to the bottom of it now that I am somewhere they have excellent medical care. I feel a lot more present and calm and I am sure my yoga practice and the impression it has left on me over time is really able to sink in and help now, so I will keep up with that. Still wanting to take naps a lot and sleep more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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