ANYBODY out there? Contact with people? Anything to help....

[ally]

Ok. So I think what I need, is an email buddy or someone that is also around the same quitting time as me, to talk to.

 

I don't want to bore everyone with my stories, its the same as im sure many others on here, I thought I was on top of the world when I got to day 26 in the past. longest i'd been clean in 7 years -1 year of pregnancy. so 26 days was the furthest. I AM NOW ON DAY 36. But I don't even feel as good as I did with day 26 the fist time. I think I just feel so guilty about relapsing even if it were 1 or 2 pills, for the past 4 months. And of course throughout the years I have gone through the big times trying to quit here and there, obviously it never worked, I always went back, and was too cowardly to even come back to this site.

 

But 4 months ago, I realized I was done, and I had to be done, I crave to be done, I know that's what I truly want. Im tired of watching my life flash by. Ive been through this stuggle for too long now. why does it have to take so long? why would even one pill make me feel so much better for just one day and its that easy?

 

Is everyone else's progress around the same as mine? is this normal? These ups and downs are crazy and idk if its from no Adderall, my depression, or depression meds. I study psychology so I know about anti depressants and teatmeants and so on....

But im not looking for a text book answer, I'm looking for a real person going through the same real thing I am right now or who could relate. DAY 36.

 

I cant believe I haven't been on this site in around 3 months, it was my favorite thing to look forward to everyday, everyone who I have talked to was great and so helpful, made me feel better. I just backed out. And im sorry. Not only is quitting the problem, its other life factors that are big struggles happening all at the same time while still trying to be a young mom and get up everyday.

(it sounds so pathetic that I cant even get up, but its getting better)

 

NEED SOME CHEERING UP I GUESS :/

 

 

[kylev1]

Ally,

I am just about to wrap up Day 1 quitting the second time and I can tell you that I have been on Adderall for 10 years and had to quit cold turkey once before because I was having A-Fib and my psychiatrist forced me to stop by cutting off my prescriptions. 6 months later I talked my cardiologist into talking my psychiatrist into putting me back on Adderall. 

 

Ok, so where I am going with this? The first time I quit, it was a nightmare. I was tired all the time, not motivated, never driven. I just wanted to crawl into a ball and sleep all of the time.

 

Since that time (2 years later) I have began exercising daily.

Eating healthy and tracking my calories, carbs, fat, and protein intake.

Eating fruit and lots of it.

Carrying a thankful rock (every time I touch it, I think about everything I am thankful for).

Telling myself what I want on an hourly basis. Ie "I want to be the best father I can be, the best husband"

Eliminated caffeine from my life completely.

Eliminated alcohol completely. 

Cold Showers twice a day! (kicks in the nervous system, there are psychology studies/journals on how cold showers kill depression, but hey, there is no money in cold showers for pharmaceutical companies so they will denounce it!)

 

All of this may seem boring, but what I have found is that healthy habits give your mind and body something to lean on and look forward to everyday!

 

Ok, so what does all of this mean? I know I am a newbie, and only at day 1 this time around, but I can attest that I feel like getting off of Adderall the second time around will be 10 times easier (not easy) than my first go round because of what I have armed myself with. (healthy habits)

 

If you want me to help you through this, let me know and I will be more than happy to be your Rock to lean on

[Jon]

Ally,

 

There are some people on the thread "30 day challange" who are close to your DAY 36 mark. You're off to a great start! Having a buddy close to your quit time will be a strong addition to your overall support. I hope it works out for you.

[Freedom's Wings]

Hey Ally,

I'm up early or late from which ever angle you receive it. Didn't sleep so well, but otherwise feeling fine.

I've just finished reading your story and would like to extend to you an invite to take the "30 day challenge" to help get you through the next thirty day stretch of this battle and furthermore 30 Days freeier of this insidious pill.

I am the creator of that challenge and Im close to where you are on my own journey. There is also someone by the name Lunax taking the challenge who will be finishing up his first 30 days soon, in the next few days in fact. He's proposed to begin " The 60 day challenge." I will be checking into the 30 day challenge after I finish my first thirty, but will be hopping over to his page to take the "60 day." You could even start on that ine if you like...

So anyway...come by, check out the page, and remember, " It's not about how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get up." Be Well!

Hope to hear from you soon..

Fw

[JustinW]

ally, the feelings you expressed about the ups and downs sound pretty normal to me.  It's a tough thing to go through, especially going through withdrawl for the 3rd time.  Congratulations on 36 days!  Things will get better.

[Zerokewl]

Take it easy. You've messed with your brain chemistry and its just levelling off. This is the hardest part about recovery is that your emotions are so crazy. 36 days is still early days eventually the ups and downs will be less  intense. It just takes time. Try to stay sane.  I'm working on month 5 and feeling a lot better. Get plenty of rest, exercise and good food. Post often and let us know how you are doing.    

[ally]

Thanks everyone, I will definatly look into the 30 day challenge. I have to be honest though, I am under an unusual amount of stress right now in life, as I try to get by, the beginning of my quitting always includes a drink here n there, smoking weed, or taking a valium if my mind is going crazy. Basically using another substance to calm down. I know this is not good but in the past, ive talked about this in other forums and a lot of people agree, that if I know its not my norm or what I am truly addicted too, its ok as a crutch for now.

During one of my fails a few months bnack I hurt my knee and started using narcotics for pain ( I HAVE ALWAYS HATED NARCOTICS THEY HURT MY HEAD, COULD NEVER STAND THEM). but it was popping a pill something I was accustom to; which led me to wanting more of something I used to despise and beileiving it gave me energy and what not. So anyway, point being I know that was stupid, so im coming clean off that now as well. going to limit rarely the drinking and smoking. I am on wellbutrin. I am just having a hard time with depression its been a rough year. Anyone have any thoughts on this??

 

Today I am 40 days clean from Adderall (my true addiction, and thing I crave) but I want opinions....I had a slip today, and tried a 20 mg Ritalin today,coffe wasn't doin it, my neighbor and I took it. But this is something I never used to take in the past or liked, had a problem with, I tried it once years ago, but it didn't compare to be like Adderall at all to me.

 

POINT IM GETTING TO...since its it the same class of drugs as Adderall, did I fail? Did I break my quitting cycle? It wasn't Adderall, but I feel guilty, it was so nice hitting 40 days, furthest yet.

 

What do u guys think???

[Cassie]

If you want to quit prescription speed you have to abstain from all versions of it - Adderall, Ritalin, Vyvanse, etc. They are all addictive. Yes, you relapsed with Ritalin, but it doesn't have to derail your quitting. You can shake it off, chalk it up to a minor slip and continue on.

 

I suggest you go to NA meetings and get a sponsor. It sounds like you may need some accountability. Recovery is about learning to handle stress without reaching for substances of any kind.

[hyper_critical]

+1 Cassie

 

Once I made the decision to ask for help, it got a whole lot easier.

[ally]

I think the hardest thing for me, is my spouse is not sharing the happiness of me quitting. He has wanted me to quit forever, but doesn't seem to show appreciation like i'd expect. Idk, Ive gotten the furthest I have ever gotten without Adderall, but it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would.

Idk, I just think no one else has any idea what im going through, or how I feel, sometimes I don't even know how I feel myself. So how is anyone else supposed to relate? it just feels like a constant thing weighing me down.

I am so short tempered and irritable. sometimes I feel sooo bad for being snappy at my 3 yr old cuz shes the one im with the most, and she doesn't know y I am like I am right now. everything just feels depressing 

[Krax]

I think the hardest thing for me, is my spouse is not sharing the happiness of me quitting. He has wanted me to quit forever, but doesn't seem to show appreciation like i'd expect. Idk, Ive gotten the furthest I have ever gotten without Adderall, but it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would.

Idk, I just think no one else has any idea what im going through, or how I feel, sometimes I don't even know how I feel myself. So how is anyone else supposed to relate? it just feels like a constant thing weighing me down.

I am so short tempered and irritable. sometimes I feel sooo bad for being snappy at my 3 yr old cuz shes the one im with the most, and she doesn't know y I am like I am right now. everything just feels depressing

Ally I think one of the hard things about not using/sobriety is that it never "feels as good" as we hope or anticipate. Reality is not like our life is when getting high. I think most if not all of us feel that way, I still do but then we feel other things that take time and patience to experience. With the variety of stuff you are using I would talk to an addiction professional as you have a concoction of chemicals to deal with, I know you can do this but I wouldn't go at it alone.

[Cassie]

I think the hardest thing for me, is my spouse is not sharing the happiness of me quitting. He has wanted me to quit forever, but doesn't seem to show appreciation like i'd expect. Idk, Ive gotten the furthest I have ever gotten without Adderall, but it doesn't feel as good as I thought it would.

Idk, I just think no one else has any idea what im going through, or how I feel, sometimes I don't even know how I feel myself. So how is anyone else supposed to relate? it just feels like a constant thing weighing me down.

I am so short tempered and irritable. sometimes I feel sooo bad for being snappy at my 3 yr old cuz shes the one im with the most, and she doesn't know y I am like I am right now. everything just feels depressing 

Um...did you expect amphetamine withdrawal to be fun? It's going to get worse before it gets better, that's kind of the punishment for denying your brain its happy pills. I was a mess for the first four months and I wasn't even a heavy abuser of the stuff. Your husband will see the benefits in time. It's not like you're going to be 100% right after quitting. You just have to take the long view and trudge through the beginning stages, knowing that you're going to feel like shit for awhile. Yeah, it sucks that our friends and family don't stand up and applaud our newfound sobriety and throw us a big collective party. It's really your own victory and recovery for me was a very lonely endeavor. I'm kind of a loner by nature and so getting sober on my own didn't bother me, but if you need the praise and encouragement of others then you would probably benefit from a 12-step program.

 

I asked my husband recently if he noticed any positive changes in me now that I've been off Adderall for awhile (20 months). He thought about it and said, "Yes, you have a better attitude." Shocked, I said, "IS THAT IT!?" He said, "Well, when you have a better attitude, you're nicer, you're more pleasant to be around, and you smile more...so that's kind of everything."