One Month of Sobriety!

[RemindMyselfWhy]

Hi Everyone, here is my story. I hope it helps!

 

This Saturday will mark my one-month mark of sobriety. I used adderall on-and-off for the past four years. For the first few years, I took it infrequently enough and had no negative side-effects. At that point, it was still a miracle pep-pill that I only took a couple times a month to deal with surges in work-load. About a year-and-a-half ago the abusive habits started: monday-through-wednesday binges, dosing multiple times a day and literally working for days at a time, barely sleeping on weekday nights, then weekends consumed by comatose-level sleep-a-thons and aggro come-down fighting with my loved ones. My usage spun more and more out of control (dosing from 50-100mg a day) until I was let go my job earlier this year (in part due to downsizing, but also in part to my manic and combative "tweaked out" behavior and inability to handle my workload, even though I was seemingly working non-stop). I read a fitting comment somewhere on this forum earlier today. It said, "I lost my job due to adderall use but I used adderall due to my job". This really resonated with me: my issues with workaholism and my own insecurities caused me to abuse adderall... which in turn brought about my downfall and inevitable job-loss.

 

After about a year of increasingly frequent usage, I was experiencing the scary side-affects of amphetamine abuse / overdose with increasing intensity: crazy heart palpitations, fuzzy eyesight, dizziness, hallucinations, paranoia, extreme aggressiveness, twitchiness, emotional rawness / over-reacting / feeling persecuted, etc. I work from home, so the solitary, cloistered environment was the worst possible place to cope with amphetamine-induced psychosis.

 

Then a month ago, somewhere in the fog of paranoia and sleep-deprivation, I hit my bottom. I began googling side-effects of amphetamine usage and adderall-abuse horror stories... this went on for hours and hours, repeatedly for days on end. At a certain point, I sufficiently scared myself straight. I threw my stash in the toilet, flushed it, and in the next few days admitted my situation to my boyfriend, my mom and my best friend in order to keep myself on track. I knew if I was going to quit for good, I needed to have my support system understand my past behavior and show empathy towards any future struggles with sobriety, healing, and coping. They have all been much more understanding and helpful through this process than I thought they would be (so if you're keeping your adderall issues from your loved ones, you might want to reconsider - they just might be much more understanding and much less judgmental than you'd think!)

 

It took me a good 9 months to admit to myself that my last years' worth of fighting with my family, my lost job, and my unstable relationships were due in large part to the side-effects of adderall abuse. I have reached out and apologized to a lot of people in the past month, explaining the problem, but not to everyone yet... the bridges that burned the brightest are still smouldering and will need more time before I can build up the courage to re-approach them for rebuilding. 

 

At this point in my recovery, I feel very lethargic and my productivity level is pretty low, but I feel happier than I have in a long while. I want to be able to access motivation in a natural way and re-learn how to work productively with my natural brain and the limited chemicals that it produces. I find the best part of my recovery so far is no longer feeling like I'm always mad at everyone / everything. I had serious issues with volatility while on adderall. Only now can I admit to myself that it wasn't my 'passionate, mercurial nature' it was the ebbing and flowing of speed on my psyche! This past month, my loved ones have frequently commented on how happy I seem, how nice it is to be with the 'new me', and how easy it is to talk about things that they would have avoided discussing in the past due to fear that I'd 'fly off the handle'. 

[ashley6]

Congratulations on your soon to be one month adderall-free. That's a major accomplishment! Welcome to the forums. It seems you have a great understanding of the depths and seriousness of amphetamine addiction. I, too, reached my bottom and googled for so long amphetamine-induced psychosis and related stories. Amongst other things, I think it's what got me to the point of finding the strength to quit.I also agree with you that people that love us are surprisingly understanding and forgiving of our behaviors while on adderall. I think it's great you opened up to your loved ones. This is great for accountability and ongoing support. Congratulations again, and I'm glad you found us!

[Jon]

This is a great achievement—one month clean! It's amazing how addictive Adderall is. It seems always to lead to abuse of duration or quantity over time. I think you are one of the lucky ones to get out before hitting a low bottom. I wish you all the success that comes with recovery. I believe that if you stay with sobriety, you will mend your broken relationships. Good job on doing your own research and building your own quit. Please keep us posted on your progress. Use the forum community for addressing problems and concerns that may arise. We are happy to have you.

[FALCON]

Congratulations brother one month its a mild stone jest think back at your first 5 days you probably was thinking you could not do it well you did it brother you are now in recovery stay strong when you have the erg to pop a pill jest think about your first week in hell and think about the pain you where in then ask your self do I want to be at that place again of course you don’t .

Have a great recovery

FALCON

[RemindMyselfWhy]

Thanks for all of the warm welcomes everybody!! This has been the absolute best site I've found yet on adderall abuse / quitting adderall. I am very very very thankful for this site, it without a doubt was one of the biggest tools to help me decide to quit. Every few days this past month, I've come on and read an article or a few stories in the forums to remind myself of the destructive properties of amphetamine abuse (especially after some time goes by and I think 'oh, it wasn't so bad.. maybe if I got more I could use it more responsibly!') it reminds me that I'm on the right path... kind of like going to an AA meeting and hearing other people talk about their journeys. I just wish I could get a sobriety token on Saturday (my official one-month mark) haha..

 

I appreciate you all and all the collective hard work that you've all put into seeking health - and I look forward to getting to know you all better

[Freedom's Wings]

Good on ya mate! Congrats on 30 days clean! If you get a chance, check out "THE 60 DAY CHALLENGE " Best wishes. Be Well!

[RemindMyselfWhy]

I'm now three-and-a-half months clean of adderall!! I used that momentum to help me rid my life of other harmful substances and am now 30 days clean of all other drugs (especially weed), alcohol, and even coffee! I have never felt better in my life. 

 

My sobriety has been a blessing. I feel like a different person. I can spend time with my loved ones without getting into fights (or even little tiffs). I am even going on a doctor-ordered 21 day detox diet (along with special supplements) to help detox my liver and kidney after all those years of abuse. Going to 12-step fellowship meetings has helped me stay focused and humble in regards to my past abusive behavior. 

 

I hope everyone here in the forum is also doing well and staying strong! 

[JustinW]

Thank you for the update and congratulations on your continued sobriety journey!

[Jon]

_{RemindMyselfWhy,}

 

_{Nice work on ridding yourself of the other addictions you mentioned in your post. In my experience, the addictions usually come in bundles. I am happy that you are able to continue your life without the pills. Congratulations for all of your achievments in the past 3.5 months. Thanks for checking in. We like to hear stories about success related to addiction. Keep us posted.}