JustinW Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 So, I have been doing some introspection lately and analyzing my behaviour post adderall. I notice that I hit a wall when I am trying to read long portions of text and no matter what I do my mind just goes white and I can't read any further. If I try to push it, I end up reading word by word with little to no comprehension. Does anyone else experience this? I think reading some of the longer posts on this site has helped me push the envelope a little bigger but it's quite a large frustration for me. My vocabulary skills have degraded too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zhenka11230 Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 You know, maybe the problem is unhappiness and not concentration. Maybe we got on adderall to live a life that is not our own. And off adderall it becomes more obvious. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 Justin, My reading stamina has a huge hole in it too. Maybe there is a counter balance mechanism that affects us after quitting. I could read like the devil while on the pill, but go to a white fade state, like you, after quitting. I stopped getting the newspaper for 3 months because I couldn’t even read the title lines or care for that matter. Today, I may read one or two articles at best. I would like to believe that with the passage of time and by practicing our reading, we will be able to read again without inducing a knockout punch. I think relearning how to do everything is what recovery is all about. It reminds me of what it must be like to have a stroke. They vary in severity, but recovery involves active rehabilitation. Sleeping, eating, reading, writing, house cleaning, driving safely, yard work, anything; it has to be relearned. Just starting my day is still a white out. It took an inordinate amount of time and energy to type out this post (2 hours). Tonight is Halloween and I usually like to carve pumpkins….not this year. Just for the record, I’m 4.3 months clean. I used daily for 12 years, my stupid ass, and I will be 59 years old in December. Sometimes I think I’m too old for a comeback or that by the time I do comeback, I’ll be senile. Somebody please remind me that this is not true. I just bought Stephen King’s new book “Doctor Sleep†because I have heard that is the first great book written by King since his Cocaine days, throughout the 1980’s. I’ll try to finish it by the end of 2013. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 Jon, JustinW I've never been much of reader. But lets I'm gonna go out today and buy Stephen Kings new book. I'll start reading it today lets see who finishes it first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jon Posted October 31, 2013 Report Share Posted October 31, 2013 Z, I'm not up to taking on any more challanges than I already have in front of me. I concede to a victory for you. I hope the book is good and we both enjoy the experience of reading it instead of having to fight our way through it. I started it and I'm hooked, but I want to take my time, not force it. Thanks for thinking in ways that could help us recover faster. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 I just want you all to know that this does get better! I, too, struggled to read long posts on here after quitting. To be honest, I think part of the reason was because it was kind of a trigger for me. I've never been much of a reader, but I would spend hours on adderall online browsing or reading stuff that I frankly don't give a shit about now. It took me maybe a year to get the guts to pick up a book again and to my surprise, I couldn't put it down. Granted, these were books that interested me. I still struggle some with reading things I'm not interested in but that's, um, normal life. Now, I actually read something because I find it interesting, unlike when I was in my previous adderall-fueled states. I think Wellbutrin has helped with this as well. I just wanted to tell you guys there's hope, and it's nice to actually enjoy reading something because you're sincerely interested. It's all about patience....no need to push it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted November 1, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 I remember my first week on Adderall, I read through "Firewall Policies & VPN Configurations" and "Configuring Sonciwall Firewalls" in about 2 days. Now I am struggling to get through a 100 page book on the life of Bernard Pietenpol; I'm in chapter 2 after 2 weeks. @zhenka - I actually started to think you were 100% right when I read your post but I went deeper into my thoughts and past. I found out that I was unhappy about the same things in life pre-adderall that make me unhappy today, but I wouldn't charactarize myself as an unhappy person. The things that make me miserable are inconsequential and quitting adderall has given me the gift of the realization of what is truly important and what I make falsely important. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted November 1, 2013 Report Share Posted November 1, 2013 Just wanted to chime in and say that YES, that has been a problem for me (and still is.) The only way I can deal with it is by taking breaks. I try to read now in small bites. A little at a time. But that requires getting over procrastination and the adderall-spree mentality. I haven't quite mastered that part yet, but I find that when I DO practice reading just a little at a time, it's easier and more interesting. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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