Annoying

[ashley6]

Ok, so as most of you know, I've been off of adderall for awhile now, 17 months, I believe. I recently starting having these thoughts of it. It's just the thought of the pill itself. I don't have a desire for it, thank God, but these thoughts flip me out a little. To be specific it's the XRs I used to break open. It's just so odd because, like I said, I don't have the desire, but I want my brain to stop going there. Have any of you who have been off for a significant period of time experienced this? I tried to describe it as well as I could. Any advice would be greaaaaat!

[Zerokewl]

I haven't had an adderall dream in a while. Those are scary and strange. I'm trying to get into the practice of telling myself "fuck off brain I don't need this right now" when I catch my self bullying myself or thinking negatively.  Might help.  

[Cassie]

I've had thoughts like that too. I just started a new job, which is my first major life change since quitting almost 2 years ago. Work was my major reason for taking Adderall so it is a huge trigger for those thoughts. I often think how I wish I knew someone who takes it so I could buy one or two - but I don't know anyone. And I sure as hell would never go to my doctor and ask for a script, because that would mean full blown daily relapse - month to month - can't do anything without it - right back where I was before. It doesn't help that this new job is similar to the one I had during my honeymoon Adderall phase, so I keep thinking back to how great I was at that job (in the beginning anyway).

 

I have a list of specific situations where I took Adderall and acted anxious or creepy, so I read that list whenever I start thinking like that, and add things I think of. That seems to help. I don't think you can stop certain thoughts if that's what you're asking - what you resist persists. You can only redirect your thoughts to something else. Think about how far you've come and how much better you've gotten since you first quit, and how you're only going to continue to get stronger.

[ashley6]

Cassie,

I can imagine a new job making you think of adderall, but we all know how much better off we are without touching that poison. If only addiction were about logic. How do you like your new job, by the way?

Today I was thinking more on this after I read your post. I have felt pretty happy and content lately, so it was even more frustrating why I would be having "adderall flashbacks." Two things: as many of you know my adderall abuse involved illegal activities: buying pills often. I was at the gas station the other night, and I'm 90% sure I watched a drug deal go down. It really didn't sit well with me, because I have done the same process many times. I thought about it a lot afterwards. Secondly, I was eating out the other day, and I saw the girl I used to do so much adderall with. I'm just sharing this kind of to think out loud, but I'm glad I identified the situations.

[LILTEX41]

Girls, I hear you.  My mom is here now and we are packing up my apartment.  When I moved here, I was on Adderall and moving was fun.  This SUCKS, but it WILL get done and once I get all this crap back to my new place I just know I am going to feel AMAZING that we conquered this without Adderall. It is great that she's here. I could never do this on my own.  We are teaming up and knocking it out together. 

 

Just don't give up.  I keep thinking about the one post somebody posted recently.  80% of success is just showing up.  This is SO true!  I showed up on race day and I made it to the finish line.  I show up at work everyday (maybe I'm not the BEST one there), but I still got a raise this year and I didn't wind up in the psych ward.  Just do it girlfriends. 

 

We GOT THIS! 

[Jon]

Ashley,

Breathe in, breathe out. Feel the air as it passes the nostrils and as it inflates and collapses the lungs. 2 or 3 concentrated breaths should do the trick.

 

@Liltex: "80% of success is just showing up" Woddy Allen, quoted by Krax.

[LILTEX41]

Ashley,

 

Back to your original quest before I got distracted by Cassie's post, (LOL), I think if you get these thoughts, you should just allow them to come in and accept them.  Try to look at them as if you were sitting on a bench and just observing the thoughts in a thought bubble travel down the street.  There goes a thought bubble with Adderall inside.  Here comes another one about something else, etc.  Try not to get too attached to them and notice that they will come and go. If you find yourself thinking about it non-stop, maybe try and find something enjoyable to distract yourself until the thoughts pass. 

 

Are they better today, by the way?

[ashley6]

Thanks for the feedback you all! I think the thoughts just scared me because I DON'T want that life again, and I felt like it was abnormal. I think that's great advice about accepting them as thoughts and ehh...that's all..then redirecting. I went for a run last night, and it helped a lot. So to answer your question, LilTex, yes, I do feel better I also texted a good friend who's in recovery yesterday, and he really helped. He told me that when he sees tin foil, his mind goes directly to meth, but he has no desire to do it. That was a relevant example for me with adderall. He also told me to pray for God to remove the thoughts, because God removed our obsession to use, why wouldn't it work with thoughts? I thought...so true! Anyway, thanks again