w222s550 Posted November 6, 2013 Report Share Posted November 6, 2013 Hello I have been a long time user of Adderall (~6 years) and want to quit. Although I have had a legitimate prescription for this, I am constantly abusing it to the point of ruining my life. I am a 28 year-old male (turning 29 on 11/7) and have no direction or motivation to change anything. I know that what I am doing is wrong, but I am so preoccupied with experiencing the rush of the Adderall, everything else - all of my responsibilities, schooling, finances, and social-life has become secondary. Here is a little background, as I think that the following information will be relevant, as it pertains to my original question. When I was around 23, I was happily attending a top-40 university in the SE US, achieving excellent grades and living a comfortable life. I then got into coke and pretty much obliterated all of my academic, financial and social progress. I had wasted thousands of dollars that should have been used to go to school on drugs and alcohol. I have essentially destabilized the emotional state of my family and friends and, to this day, think that I am a victim of the circumstances. Cocaine killed me. I had stopped caring about school and ended up not graduating. After I had stopped the coke use, I was interested in Adderall, as it gave me the euphoric-like high I was so desperately craving. It was a miracle, at first, as I did not have any urge (even now) to ever touch the cocaine again. The miracle only lasted until I started with the same antics that I did when I was on coke. I became apathetic about everything, only living for the Adderall high. A couple of years ago, my parents declared bankruptcy and that hit me very hard. At the time of the bankruptcy, I was still very much into the party scene and wanted an escape from the reality of the situation. I am the oldest out of 5, and my family was very well-off. Our house was foreclosed on and I had to move in with my grandparents. I am, to this day, living with my grandparents, using Adderall to escape the horrific reality in which I have made for myself. It is almost as if I am manic while on Adderall, and compulsively spend money, go to clubs and get fucked up. I do work, but these jobs are low-paying, bull-shit jobs, which make me more miserable. I think back on my pre-adderall days and never would have imagined that this is what I would turn-out to be: an amphetamine-addicted loser, who lives, at the age of 28, with his grandparents. I have a few friends, but all they do is the things (smoking, drugs, drinking and partying) that I should not be. Since I have no one else, and am too scared to deal with reality, I am in a repetitive cycle of drug-abuse and self-medicating. I absolutely know that I have to stop Adderall if I want to lead a normal life, no doubt about that. I was hoping to get some feed back on whether it would be a good idea for me to move away and start a new life without Adderall. I had tried to quit before, and was successful for about 5 months, and then I had a relapse. Since then, I am taking Adderall daily, while often exceeding the daily dose (20mg, BID). If I move, do you think that just being in a new environment would help lessen the addiction and withdraws from Adderall? I believe that changing my environment (location) would help with my addiction due to the fact that I will be in a new place, have no memories or places associated with Adderall use and could begin building my life where I had left off. Has anyone else moved away because their environment was not conducive to their sobriety? Would you recommend getting sober before I move, or just going cold-turkey when I have arrived ( I don't think that I would be able to quit Adderall until I move away. i realize that this is a long post and appreciate any insight. Thank you and I appreciate your time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lunax Posted November 6, 2013 Report Share Posted November 6, 2013 Have you ever heard the quote "wherever I go, there I am"? I find this very true because I too have tried to runaway from my problems by relocating, changing jobs, relationships, etc. but nothing helped until I started to do work on myself...mainly through 4yrs of weekly therapy sessions. Both expensive and time consuming but completely worth it. Anyway, I think you need to start by coming clean to someone about your addiction (a family member perhaps) because it sounds like you are suffering a lot on your own. Any support that you can get will help you. Also, try to deal with the underlying issues that are causing you to abuse drugs in the first place right where you are. I'm sure your grandparents care about you very much so chances are you are probably in a safer environment with them than if you move somewhere else alone. Also, if you want to get clean you will need to cut off your drug using friends. Misery loves company and they will only try to take you down with them. I wish you luck and encourage you to come here often and talk to others who have gone through the same exact problems. LX 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted November 6, 2013 Report Share Posted November 6, 2013 My friend moved to Utah for a year in order to quit meth - moved in with a relative. He said he wouldn't have been able to quit for good if he didn't get out of his current environment for a good amount of time. You can't run away from your problems, sure, but without Adderall you are starved for stimulation. A new city would be good for stimulating your brain in novel ways, I think. I don't see how it would hurt to move to a new place, so long as you realize it's not a cure all and you'll still have to face your demons eventually. That's the whole point of rehab - to sequester yourself in a safe, drug free environment while learning skills to cope when you go back to your original life and triggers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted November 6, 2013 Report Share Posted November 6, 2013 I have essentially destabilized the emotional state of my family and friends and, to this day, think that I am a victim of the circumstances. Having a victim mentality will not help you get anywhere in life; you need to own your circumstances because they are a result of your choices. Since you have an addictive personality maybe you should consider some sort of out patient care to help you quit? My concern with moving away is that you will lose your support structure, regardless of how small it may be. You should consider telling your doctor to cut off your supply in order to help you stay quit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
w222s550 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2013 Have you ever heard the quote "wherever I go, there I am"? I find this very true because I too have tried to runaway from my problems by relocating, changing jobs, relationships, etc. but nothing helped until I started to do work on myself...mainly through 4yrs of weekly therapy sessions. Both expensive and time consuming but completely worth it. Anyway, I think you need to start by coming clean to someone about your addiction (a family member perhaps) because it sounds like you are suffering a lot on your own. Any support that you can get will help you. Also, try to deal with the underlying issues that are causing you to abuse drugs in the first place right where you are. I'm sure your grandparents care about you very much so chances are you are probably in a safer environment with them than if you move somewhere else alone. Also, if you want to get clean you will need to cut off your drug using friends. Misery loves company and they will only try to take you down with them. I wish you luck and encourage you to come here often and talk to others who have gone through the same exact problems. LX Lunax: Yes, I have thought about the potential of running from my problems, but I think, as Cassie states, that moving will provide me with enough stimulation so that I would have a better chance of overcoming this addiction. I desperately want to do therapy, but due to the lack of money and abysmal employment in S. Florida, I can not afford treatment. While it is safe living with my grandparents, I have no time to be alone and nowhere to really unwind and relax -- i do not feel comfortable living with my grandparents and that is a part of the reason why I use Adderall to escape. Cassie: It's funny: I was actually thinking of relocating to Salt Lake City, as there seems to be far better jobs over there. I truly understand that i cannot run away from my problems and I want to confront them. I just feel like a change of environment would be a good thing to help. JustinW: I have considered an out patient care and am willing to try it. However, the environment around me (South Florida) is not conducive for me trying to quit Adderall. There is just too much partying, drugs and people who are still in that lifestyle. I want to grow and pick-up where I had left off and I think that moving may be the best thing that I could do. Thank you guys for your replies - I sincerely appreciate it! My last question: If I do move away and start new somewhere else, how would you recommend stopping the Adderall? Should I stop when I arrive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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