Freedom's Wings Posted April 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2014 Day 2 Did absolutely nothing at work today and layed around It happens to the best. Keep striving. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom's Wings Posted April 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2014 I would just like to take a moment to congratulate everyone who has accepted "The 30 Challenge!" This is no easy feat. Sometimes just getting away from the drug for that first 30 days though is exactly what is needed to help push you through toward the ultimate goal line of living a healthy, happy, productive, and active lifestyle OFF of this wretched drug, or Baderall, as I read it called in another post. So, I just wanted to shoot some encouragement your way and say YOU CAN do it! Keep it simple and keep up the good work!  -FW 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom's Wings Posted April 11, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 11, 2014 Topic: BACK SO SOON??  As the creator of this challenge, I would like to say it has served me well. It is a very helpful strategy that works. With that said, I am a bit embarrassed to admit this but I feel that It must be done. Since accepting my own challenge, I have fallen off of the wagon several times. Thus, this time around I have decided to go to inpatient rehab. Although, I haven't had any adderall within the last few weeks until today anyway, which I have not abused, as of April 17, 2014, I will be entering a 5 day detox followed by a 21 day inpatient rehab stay. After that I will be taking " The 30 Day Challenge!" on here once again.  One of my main issues is that I was diagnosed by 3 doctors on 3 separate occasions with narcolepsy and without some kind of stimulant most times life feels just dreadful. I am exhausted all of the time, except at night for some odd reason. But even then I rarely have any motivation to do something constructive or remotely productive. Honestly, I didn't even receive this diagnoses until after my long stint on addy, so it begs me to wonder if a false positive for the illness is possible. I don't have sleeping spells, but I do have what I call the dazefaze ie. I fall into a state where I feel not tired but as if my actual brain is extremely exhausted and I must go to sleep immediately. And, I've also experienced the sleep paralysis associated with narcolepsy. In fact, the longest I've actually stayed off of addy was a few months and this "dazefaze" never got any better. Still, I wish to live a stimulant free lifestyle. So, yet again, I'm willing to endure the hell that is the withdrawal of addy, which shouldn't be bad since I haven't really taken much, but  just to see if there truly is life after adderall. I would like to give myself at least 6 months to be free of addy, then take the sleep test again, and see if this issue improves at all.  Oh boy! Anxiety and depression is a whole other animal but since I've been free from adderall these issues have calmed considerably and I believe it will continue to quell the more I am able to make better lifestyle decisions eg. taking yoga, meditating. So I wont touch on that much in this post. besides asking if anyone on here has some good tips, besides meds, for quieting depression and especially anxiety?? Please help!   Well, I just wanted to give an update on my progress since having undertaken the challenges. Wish me luck and may you all be well on your journey back to a healthy, happy lifestyle.  P.S. Look for me to retake "The 30 Day Challenge!" after my rehab stay, most likely the end of May or the beginning of June. Thank you to everyone who has supported me and that continues to support me on this journey. I can only hope  that I may serve someone else as an inspiration as well. Til Next time, Be Well!  -FW 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted April 11, 2014 Report Share Posted April 11, 2014 FW, we will continue to support you in your quit. Good luck with rehab! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 FW, You have my deepest respect for making the decision to go in-patient. Ultimately, it is the last option one has when they are not able to quit on their own. There is a philosophy in Chinese medicine that goes something like this: If you take a cure for a condition or disease you do not have, the cure will actually bring on the condition it was designed to treat. Regarding Adderall and ADHD, I found this to be true. Adderall actually gave me the symptoms of ADD, which I had never experienced before in my life. Luckily, those symptoms abated after quitting. I suspect that if you did not suffer narcolepsy before you began abusing Adderall, you will eventually make a full recovery. Go easy on yourself if you can and resist the urge to abuse Adderall before going in to rehab. It'll lessen the withdrawal symptoms and hasten your recovery. Please take it seriously, be well and be good to yourself. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 Good luck FW. My only advice would be to give yourself more than 6 months to see if your sleep/energy improves. At 6 months I was still very fatigued. Have faith in the resilience of your body and mind to recover and give yourself the time and patience your brain needs to heal. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 FW, do not despair, I have full faith that you will do great in inpatient rehab. I think that is a very noble and brave of you and the step in the right direction towards your recovery and well being. We all want to see you succeed here! I'm sorry to hear about the narcolepsy, that must makes things even harder on you. I can't imagine. Hopefully things will start looking up for you soon and we will be here for your return, good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 This is an interesting read: http://extrahappiness.com/happiness/?p=3582 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetCarolinee Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 I was thinking about ordering some Gaba supplements but then I read the reviews on Amazon and they scared the shit out of me so I think I'm better off ordering Suntheanine L-Theanine instead! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agm1250 Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 Day 2: Check  Extremely tired - more so than yesterday. Vivid dreams last night. Head and limbs are heavy. Increase in appetite, no motivation to do schoolwork or anything around the house. I made a cup of coffee and am about to try to start an assignment now. Friends are texting me to see if I want to go out tonight, as it's Saturday. Part of me wants to, but I honestly don't know if I have the energy. Also, I'll probably feel even worse than this tomorrow. The thought of that gives me anxiety. I don't think I can take the abuse of alcohol on my body right now, but I'm still tempted to see how the night plays out because I worked so hard the past couple weeks and finally have a free weekend. Not sure what to do. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 13, 2014 Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 FW,  I am SO happy to hear you are NOT GIVING UP. This is such great news. If at first you don't succeed, TRY AGAIN.  Sounds like you have an excellent plan in place. I will pray for you. I know you can do this.  And last, but not least just remember you are no different than anyone else. We've all had setbacks in our lives. We've fallen down again and again. But the ability to get back up and keep fighting...those are the ones who win in the end. You are on your way my friend!  Hugs! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agm1250 Posted April 13, 2014 Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 FW, I wish you all the luck in the world. You're doing the right thing and it's extremely brave of you. I haven't been a member for long, but I can tell you are extremely supportive of this community and all the members that are a part of it. You were one of the first people to respond to my post just a couple of days ago, and that meant more than you can imagine because I have never joined an online community like this and was nervous about sharing so much about myself. Keep fighting and good luck! We'll be sending positive energy, thoughts, and prayers your way.  Day 3: Check  Exhausted even though I've gotten 12+ hours of sleep the past 2 nights. Didn't end up going out last night - didn't have the energy and was feeling extremely irritable/moody/headachy. The mood swings are actually really bothering me, so I'm going to see if I can order some natural supplements like HTP-5, L-Tyrosine, and Lion's Mane to help with that. I posted a thread in the supplements forum to see if anyone knows of any reputable brands of HTP-5. Still extremely unproductive and unmotivated as well - I have yet to do my assignments that are due tomorrow, so I'm going to see if I can get started on them now. One positive thing is I actually felt small bursts of excitement when thinking about things like summer, being done with this semester, etc. When I say small I mean small, but it was still the root of an emotion I don't think I've felt for quite some time. I also took fish oil, biotin, and a multivitamin today, and I think it might have already started to help with some of the brain fog and lack of energy. It could just be the placebo effect but honestly, that's fine with me. I'm A-ok with any phenomenon that has ability to convince me that I can actually do this. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom's Wings Posted April 13, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 Everyone!  The outpouring of support warms my entire heart. You guys have been so good to me. Thank you for your words of wisdom, responses, and suggestions. Hell or high water, I will overcome this addiction and it means so much to know you're in my corner. Thanks again QA family.  FW 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agm1250 Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Day 4 - Not so good. Back to the drawing board I go... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 What's wrong Agm1250? What happened?? Are you okay? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 agm1250 - I'm with Liltex on this one, are you okay? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agm1250 Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Thank you Liltex and Justin, I'm alright. I've just been overwhelmed trying to finish up this last month of the semester and deal with the withdrawal symptoms all at the same time. This weekend I could only do one assignment, so the second one was handed in late. Yesterday I took 10mg but it's such a small dose that I honestly don't even think it did anything besides give me "peace of mind," as awful as that is to admit. I also couldn't muster up the strength, energy, motivation, etc. to do the assignment that's due for my class this afternoon, so just seconds ago I took my last 20XR and am going to miss class to finish it so I can at least e-mail it within the same day. I only have one 10mg pill left and at this rate will probably finish it today or tomorrow, to be completely honest with you guys, and as much as I hate myself for that. Maybe this wasn't the best time to quit, it being the end of the semester and all, but I really don't want to wait any longer - I know myself and the stress and pressure from finals in 2-3 weeks will just lead to another downhill spiral. I was trying hard to set a healthy foundation before I face that. I want to take all of my finals without being on adderall. I should have known how hard it would be with them still in the house, but was afraid of going cold turkey for exactly this reason. On the other hand, weaning myself off has never worked. I don't have the will power. The assignments for my Master's program are intense and time-consuming, not just busy work, which stresses me out even more. I feel like I failed and am really upset with myself. Last 2 times I tried to quit I wasn't taking such high doses right beforehand so the withdrawal wasn't as bad and I also had a break from work/school so I didn't have this pressure to hand in assignments. But I also know there's no "perfect" time to quit. I'm sorry everyone. Â This really sucks. Â Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 What you're going through really sucks, there's no doubt about that. I am struggling at the 14 month free point dealing with undergraduate studies so I cannot image the tremendous burden that you are under right now. You are right that there is no perfect time to quit. Lean heavily on this group to help you through the tough times. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 What you're going through really sucks, there's no doubt about that. I am struggling at the 14 month free point dealing with undergraduate studies so I cannot image the tremendous burden that you are under right now. You are right that there is no perfect time to quit. Lean heavily on this group to help you through the tough times. I agree that there is no perfect time to quit, but there are better times and worse times, depending what is going on in your life. AGM, will quitting now cost you everything you have worked for all semester? Nothing wrong with a well-planned quit and allowing yourself the time and space you need for embracing your recovery. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
agm1250 Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Quit-once, I'm really not sure. That's what it started to feel like this morning, because in just a few days I've fallen so far behind. That's how much work this program is.  The only thing is I'm all out of pills 2 weeks before my next script because of how much I was adding on to my normal dose the past couple weeks. I could get a couple here and there from friends but not 2 weeks worth. Not without reaching out to friends of friends, anyway, which I never had to do before because I was never quite so abusive with them. Which probably explains the rock-bottom that somehow led me to stumble across this site a few days ago (still thankful for that, even now).  So it looks like I screwed myself either way. I can either wait for my next script in eager anticipation and bang out finals the first half of May, or get myself into the quitting mentality as of tomorrow and just not refill my script - that is, if I can build a strong enough foundation these next couple weeks to power through finals without them. I guess I'll try to get myself in the right place mentally and physically but if my grades suffer, things are late etc., refill the script so I can do well on finals? We all know what happens with that kind of contingency plan, though. I really didn't think things through this time around... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom's Wings Posted April 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Day 4 - Not so good. Back to the drawing board I go... You can do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freedom's Wings Posted April 17, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 So....2morrow's the big day. Off to rehab I go. Just checking in. This has to work. I claim my victory. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freebird Posted April 17, 2014 Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 Freedom's Wing- you will be in my thoughts and prayers! I believe you can do it!!! Even making admitting that you relapsed plus making arrangements to go into inpatient treatment. I believe shows your strength and your commitment!!! So go CLAIM YOUR VICTORY!!! Knowing you have everyone here cheering you on!!!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 17, 2014 Report Share Posted April 17, 2014 So....2morrow's the big day. Off to rehab I go. Just checking in. This has to work. I claim my victory. I wish you extreme success, FW! I will be sending positive thoughts and energy your way while you are there. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted April 18, 2014 Report Share Posted April 18, 2014 You've got this FW! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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