My Story

[nevergiveup]

Here is my story on Adderall,
 
I was first diagnosed with ADHD my junior year in high school, but looking back i was definetly symptomatic for years before.  I had always gotten decent grades without much effort, and had even tested my IQ in the 140 to 150 range.  Then, in junior year I just hit a wall, classes got exponentially more difficult, and a combination of my ADHD and not really having any study skills my grades plummeted, so naturally my parents freaked out and sent me to a doctor. At first, i was reluctant, but as he went through the ADHD screening, i was amazed by how well it described me.  I had always thought that ADHD was for the "special" kids, not me, but here we are.  
 
Anyway, my pdoc started me off at 50mg of Straterra when it was relatively new. It didn't work at all, we bumped it up to 100mg, the which i believe is the highest dosage, and still no effect.  The summer before senior year, i started on 5mg of Adderall IR, 2x daily.  I didnt really notice much difference, as i was not really under demand during my boring summer job, so before school started we kicked it up to 7.5mg IR 2x daily.  As I'm sure many of you can attest to, i felt great, everything seemed effortless, and i could easily sit and study, write papers, or work on projects for hours on end, something i had never been able to do before.  With the help of Adderall, i raised my GPA and got 34 on the ACT, which got me into a great college with a decent scholarship.  
 
As a college freshman that had an older brother go to the same university, I was a legacy at a fraternity that shall remain nameless.  Now, I don't want to go on badmouthing fraternities, I am still am glad i joined, it was a great experience that shaped me to who I am today, but one thing i regret is how it affected my use, and abuse, of Adderall. Yes, i used Adderall for partying longer, and yes i sold excess to friends for cramming for finals, and i abused the hell out of it during finals week myself.  All this time, i had been slowly bumping up my dosage, and switched to XR instead of IR.  Nearing the end of my junior year of college, I was taking 50mg of XR just to feel the regular effects that got me functioning.  I felt on top of the world, I had an amazing girlfriend, had crazy weekend stories may not remember totally, had a great GPA, kept my scholarship, had a solid paid internship at an alumni's company with a job offer right after graduation. All i had to do was take this little pill, and everything seemed to fall into place.  I hate to say it, but it was like the movie Limitless.   Then, my whole world came crashing down.  My mom's birthday was coming up, and I was headed home for the weekend.  I was going to meet my mother, father, and older brother who had just graduated at a restaurant.  I got there and waited for what seemed like an eternity.  Turns out my family had been driven off the road by a drunk driver, killing my mother and brother, leaving my father in a medically induced coma.  
 
I never had dealt with grief on this scale, I had a few breakups here and there, but nothing like this.  So, I regretfully turned to the two closest solutions, finding my problems at the bottom of a fifth of jack and my Adderall bottle.  A trip to the hospital after a night of mixing Adderall and booze that ended in a BAC of .33 and my stomach being pumped was a wake up call, so with my fraternity brother's support, i cut back a lot with my drinking, but that was only part of the problem.  I still had my little magic pill, Adderall.  At this point, I started noticing that i was craving the pills, not just the regular, "I could do this faster with some Adderall", but real, cravings that drove me crazy.  Finals week of Junior year, I nearly went into cardiac arrest in the library after downing nearly 150mg of Adderall.  This was pretty much my rock bottom point.  I went to the university's counseling program, and talked to my pdoc about scaling back my dosage, he agreed.  I scaled down to 25mg for a month, which was hell because i was too weak to resist and ran out after taking double doses, but then I decided that enough was enough.  I quit cold turkey.  
 
Going from 50mg daily to 0 was pretty much the worst thing I have ever experienced, besides the accident my family was in.  Thankfully, I had the support of my fraternity brothers, and my amazing girlfriend, now my current fiance.  I managed to finish and graduate with my Bachelor's in Chemical Engineering with honors, albeit one semester late. Now, I am 3 years off Adderall and I couldn't feel better.  My father made a full recovery, I have a beautiful fiance, a secure and well-paying job, and am about to start my Master's degree.  I still talk to a counselor, but now it is more of healthy lifestyle choices.  I started eating healthier, working out, and getting as regular a sleep schedule as my job will allow.  Its amazing how those three things, along with a positive outlook can do.  I still have trouble focusing sometimes, but I just buckled down and worked through it. I experimented with different work environments to find which fits best for me.  No matter how long an arduous a journey may seem, even the longest journeys begin with a single step. As Winston Churchill said "If you're going through hell, keep going".  
 
Withdrawl sucks, but with perseverance and support of family and friends, you can do it, and you can beat Adderall addiction.

[Freebird]

WOW!!! Thanks for sharing your story I just had to say I thought it was really ironic that I have had that quote from Winston Churchhill on my iPhone to add to my signture for over a week now but didn't know how but justin, from this forum explained it to me a few days ago and I finally got around to it this morning. Anyway... Again that is quite an amazing story you have... I now feel kinda silly for posting about my little pity party I was throwing for myself earlier just because I was not able to get much accomplished/lack of motivation/extreme fatigue I even started to go deleted my post after reading your story because I kinda have a different perspective now.

I am very sorry for your loss. But I wish you and your beautiful fiancé the very best of wishes!!!

Also when re-reading your story I also noticed that the other quote I had saved on my iPhone was A journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step- by LaoTzu and you said something very similar to that quote as well. I just think that is weird. A good weird but weird. Lol Because out of all the quotes I could have picked idk...I almost want to send you a picture or something from my yellow pad on my iPhone that has the date I put in there. Lol.

[Jon]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, nevergiveup. I offer my condolences for the loss of your mother and brother. I am happy for you that your father came out of his coma and is your Dad again.

 

Your story offers inspiration and hope for us all. Thank you.

 

I like your handle, nevergiveup, and the other Winston Churchill other quote: "If you're going through hell, keep going."

 

When Great Brittan was being crushed by German forces during World War 2, Churchill gave a speech where he just kept repeating the words "Never give up". It was a turning point for the Royal Air Force and defeating German forces in England.

[Jon]

WOW!!! Thanks for sharing your story I just had to say I thought it was really ironic that I have had that quote from Winston Churchhill on my iPhone to add to my signture for over a week now but didn't know how but justin, from this forum explained it to me a few days ago and I finally got around to it this morning. Anyway... Again that is quite an amazing story you have... I now feel kinda silly for posting about my little pity party I was throwing for myself earlier just because I was not able to get much accomplished/lack of motivation/extreme fatigue I even started to go deleted my post after reading your story because I kinda have a different perspective now.

Don't worry Robin, nevergiveup is telling his story from three years after his quit. You and I, and many more people are still struggling with the great challanges related to our recovery. I'm glad you didn't delete your post from earlier.

 

I like the quotes you added to your signature.

[SweetCarolinee]

Hi, I read your story last night before I went to sleep and I couldn't stop thinking about it. You've been through more in 20 years than most people have in their entire lifetime. Thank you so much for sharing everything with us, it means a lot and you are truly an inspiration.

Words can't express how sorry I am what happened to you and your family and the loss of your mother and brother. My heart truly goes out to you. And I'm beyond thrilled your father made a full recovery. Your story was full of ups and downs and true, deep heartbreak but it seems like you were able to overcome a lot and create a happy ending… or beginning for yourself.

After what you've been through, a lot of people would have probably gone down a road to heavy drug use and alcohol abuse to numb the pain but you did quiet the opposite. It shows how strong, smart, levelheaded, brave, and what a positive person you are with a great attitude and very bright future full of love, success, and happiness ahead of you.

Thank you so much for sharing and very warm wishes your way!