Popular Post killthelights36 Posted February 25, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted February 25, 2014 I thought almost no one had this breed of addiction besides me, for a long time. I've been free for almost 2 years. When that guy in Virginia Beach died and it was in the news for awhile, I cried. Because even though I never knew him, I felt like I'd lost a relative. I also said, holy crap...there are OTHERS... And now I've found this site while messing around on Google.... I guess I could start off by saying, I'm 23 years old, female, and a recovering adderallic (and a drunk too. I used to drink like a fish on Adderall). I may be young, but I rode this thing to the bottom floor, for sure. I get chills thinking about how it was back then. I used and abused Adderall, Vyvanse, Dexedrine, Benzedrine...god. It was hell. I ODed three times. The last one, I was pronounced DOA after about 15 pills and a crapload of Four Loco. I would sometimes wake up hallucinating, or I'd start tripping from a lack of sleep. I EVEN THOUGHT NICKELBACK SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD!!! (the horror!!!) My first, or maybe second week clean, I remember being so proud of myself for making my bed without Adderall. It was a big deal, because I literally conditioned myself to think I was incapable of anything without it. During the first year, I dumped my sig. other (after coming out of the fog I realized we literally had nothing in common and our relationship was basically a product of being high), had emotions I didn't like, struggled with residual paranoia... IT GOT BETTER. In time, I got a new job, went back to college, got better grades on my own accord than when I was using pills, got a hamster, got my own place...and got to a point where I was capable of laughing when shit was funny and not feeling bad all the time. I feel good, even. It sure beats the suicidal, tweaked out train wreck I was before. All I had to do was ride out the hard times with some help from people who cared about me when I saw myself as I waste of oxygen. I realized no amount of chemicals can get rid of problems in life. And that there was nothing that terrible about me that needed to be medicated 24/7. I write this because if anyone is struggling right now...God, I remember how hard it was. But staying chained to adderall only gets more fucked up with age. Please, find a way to take it out of your life. It's hard at first but if you keep holding on, you'll find out how much better it can be on the other side. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Wow, great first post! Congratulations on 2 years clean. Thank you for the words of encouragement. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Thanks for posting! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeHereNow Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 killthelights, I'm so happy you're quit! You seem to have a LOT of personality! Thanks for the words of encouragement for us here. Hope you stick around! (BTW, I listened to horrible music on adderall too......so horrible I'm too embarrassed to say what........!.......Let's just say it was unspeakably horrible pop music, and I would listen to bad songs. ON REPEAT.) Someday I'll be able to laugh at it like you can. Not there yet though!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 It was Hanson, wasn't it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 "In an Mmmbop you're gone, in an Mmmbop you're not there." I thought I wanted to marry Taylor Hanson in my pre-teen years 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted March 3, 2014 Report Share Posted March 3, 2014 Today's pop music is sooo much worse though, "Everything is Awesome"...Really? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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