bragnar Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Everything I've read on this site has given me hope that I didn't know I could have. I'm tired of not being able to enjoy myself without knowing I have enough left for tomorrow. I'm tired of not being able to get out of bed or care enough to try without some 60mg in my system. I haven't had a prescription since high school so I spend almost all of my money buying it from people and I can't live like this anymore. I quit for about a year once after ending up in the emergency room, but I just started drinking heavily every day and treating everyone I knew like crap because of how angry I was. Eventually I got over the fear and I'm back on it. I feel like it's eaten anything that could have been me away and the closest thing I can do is take adderall and be a shitty knock off of what I think I remember being cause that's better then the nothing I am without it. But I can't keep going so I've got 2 pills left and I'm done. Wish me luck, I might try to check back up on this next time I'm awake and not at work. Any advice or support would be appreciated 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amandaVT Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 I wish you luck. I've so been there. In the hospital twice trying to kill myself drunk. Drinking at 10 am when I didn't have it. 150 mg a day for god knows how many years. On and off. Relationships lost, people exploited, thousands lost. So I quit four days ago. Have a 5 year old. I know the itch. The decision to get it again and it seems like the only thing that will MAKE ME FEEL BETTER when really I don't want to feel at all. So good for you for wanting to take part in your life. First week of withdrawal is sleeping and wanting to kill anyone who wants you to do anything. I found after 3 days of sleep red bull made me more functional. I'm really a baby myself even though I quit a million times, I started 999,999 times. God luck and welcome back to the human race. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amandaVT Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Advice: sleep. Isolate yourself at first, watch TV, call into work, sleep more, don't do anything at all. Just focus on getting rest. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bragnar Posted February 26, 2014 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 Yeah what I really want to do is take my weeks paid vacation and just sleep through it but I can't do that for afew months and I just signed the deed and moved into my first house with my girlfriend of 5 years and while she really really REALLY wants me to quit I get the feeling after day 3 of zombie me she's gonna get a bit bitter about it. But I guess whatever happens happens, maybe in a year it'll have been worth it 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted February 26, 2014 Report Share Posted February 26, 2014 If she really wants you to quit, sit down and show her some of the descriptions that people on this site have written about their first weeks / months of recovery. Hopefully she'll understand that there are some concessions that she will have to make to help get you through the rough patches of recovery. It will be tough on both of you but it will be worth it in the end. Good luck! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amandaVT Posted March 2, 2014 Report Share Posted March 2, 2014 How did it turn out? Did you get to quit? Take some time off?. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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