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3 Years of Adderall. Ready to Quit.


ChrisJL

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It's crazy, the first story I looked at on this website was yours, and it's literally a mirror image of my situation.  The way you started out, the progression it's taken in college, the duration, the relationship adversities, and everything else.  I feel you man.  I'm fighting it everyday.  That "artificial" self can only do so much for one's soul before it breaks it down.  Things that I used to absolutely love to do, before I started taking Adderall, and during, are now insanely hard for me to be passionate about yet alone even partake in them when I'm not taking the drug.  They've been over-justified, and the process of reigniting that love is hard to do without Adderall as your fuel.  If I could give you one piece of advice (not saying that you need it) though, make sure to tell your doctor that you can't be on it anymore - period.  Every time I try to drop this habit, there's a voice inside that tells me to get it refilled.  Sometimes the voice is so overwhelming that it consumes and overrides the deepest desire to be truly done with the devil's energy bar.  I find that running/exercise is the best cure in softening that voice.  Good luck Chris, never forget who your true essence. You are not alone my friend. :)

 

Nate

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Wow Chris your post had me riveted; I could relate to everything in it. It's weird how things go downhill so quickly; like when you said you only took it if you had "a lot to do" but then the most menial things to an an adderral mind seems like "a lot to do"....

 

It does have a honeymoon phase when you first start; you're happy, doing good in school or enjoying a job you never did, but then (like you said) you stop doing the things you loved doing like practicing guitar....and you find yourself just sitting at home alone engulfed in some random task wasting time.

 

I love this site and find it amazing how all experience are the same.  I've been on it 2 years and recently stopped taking it on the weekends which leaves me laying in my bed all day eating and sleeping with no energy to do anything.

 

You say you will stop once school is over; i hope that's true.  But after reading this site and experiencing it myself the adderall has a way of making those excuses for you like "I'll stop when....i'm on vacation, when I move, after my wedding"  There's always something...

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Chris I really liked reading your story. I feel like I can relate too in so many ways, you articulated a lot of what I've been feeling as well. I have the same plan as you, final months of the last college semester, quitting as soon as I hand in the last piece of work. I think you can do it, I think you'll be happy you did. Everyday Adderall seems more and more like a pointless drug, and the stories that people share on this site only confirm that feeling. 

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Welcome to the board and thank-you for sharing your story. Take some time and read the articles on the site and review old posts.  The first few months can be a little rocky so prepare for some crash time. Getting off these things is difficult but extremely rewarding.  Quitting after school is done is a solid plan.  Keep posting here we have all been through it and few understand the subtle nature of this trap the way we do.    Talk to your doctor before going cold turkey.  

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Ask you dr about Wellbutrin, that got me through my first four months clean

Thanks for the recommendation - it's something I've thought about but I am hesitant to put another drug in my system at this point.

 

It's crazy, the first story I looked at on this website was yours, and it's literally a mirror image of my situation.  The way you started out, the progression it's taken in college, the duration, the relationship adversities, and everything else.  I feel you man.  I'm fighting it everyday.  That "artificial" self can only do so much for one's soul before it breaks it down.  Things that I used to absolutely love to do, before I started taking Adderall, and during, are now insanely hard for me to be passionate about yet alone even partake in them when I'm not taking the drug.  They've been over-justified, and the process of reigniting that love is hard to do without Adderall as your fuel.  If I could give you one piece of advice (not saying that you need it) though, make sure to tell your doctor that you can't be on it anymore - period.  Every time I try to drop this habit, there's a voice inside that tells me to get it refilled.  Sometimes the voice is so overwhelming that it consumes and overrides the deepest desire to be truly done with the devil's energy bar.  I find that running/exercise is the best cure in softening that voice.  Good luck Chris, never forget who your true essence. You are not alone my friend. :)

 

Nate

Nate I totally hear you man. It's comforting to know that there are others out there feeling the same things. I'll take your advice on cancelling the prescription. If I'm really serious about quitting then there's no reason not to. I wish you luck on your journey and appreciate your support.

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Wow Chris your post had me riveted; I could relate to everything in it. It's weird how things go downhill so quickly; like when you said you only took it if you had "a lot to do" but then the most menial things to an an adderral mind seems like "a lot to do"....

 

It does have a honeymoon phase when you first start; you're happy, doing good in school or enjoying a job you never did, but then (like you said) you stop doing the things you loved doing like practicing guitar....and you find yourself just sitting at home alone engulfed in some random task wasting time.

 

I love this site and find it amazing how all experience are the same.  I've been on it 2 years and recently stopped taking it on the weekends which leaves me laying in my bed all day eating and sleeping with no energy to do anything.

 

You say you will stop once school is over; i hope that's true.  But after reading this site and experiencing it myself the adderall has a way of making those excuses for you like "I'll stop when....i'm on vacation, when I move, after my wedding"  There's always something...

Yeah the honeymoon phase is sublime, isn't it? It's just that the progression from that into dysfunctional relationship is so slow and gradual that it can sneak right up on you. By the time it has its claws in you it's too late.

 

To be honest with you Brandy, I would love to quit right now. It's frustrating because I am ready to change but cannot do so yet. The fatigue from withdrawals coupled with the fact that I have relied on a pill as the source of my self-discipline for the last 3 years means there's no way I could keep up with my extremely heavy course load at the moment. I've come this far, and while it's not optimal, I need it to finish out this last semester.

 

And you're right about this being a wonderful site. I never imagined that I could relate directly to so many people; that so many people have shared the same feelings that I do. I want to thank you and everyone else here for your words of encouragement. You guys are amazing and I wish you luck on your own journeys away from this drug.

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Chris,

 

Welcome to the site!  We are glad to have you.

 

My addiction to Adderall started off somewhat innocently enough.  My bf at the time used to tell me to save my pills for weekend partying purposes only. I would wait and pop my first pill every Friday morning at work. My co-workers started nick naming it, "Fun Friday" because I would become the life of the party and we would sit around talking non-stop and telling jokes while working. Then we'd go out afterwards and party.

 

Anyhow, it finally dawned on me how super productive I was on those Friday's so I started taking a pill here and there just like you did to get things done. Slowly, it became such an ingrained habit, that I was taking them all day everyday so I could "function".  But more than anything, I loved chasing the high.  It was a constant roller coaster ride.  And over time I just needed more and more to get the same effect.  I was beating the crap out of my buddy with that stuff and I never ever thought I'd be able to give it up.  But eventually I did and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. 

 

Last night we posted about where we'd be right now had we not quit and it was such a great reminder to see that life is really good today.  It could be so much worse had I stayed on the path of oblivion.  It's definitely the hardest thing I ever gave up, but I thank god for this website because without it and everyone's encouragement I don't know if I'd still be clean today.

 

My best advice is stay close to this board and draw support from the people here.  Whenever I feel like I miss it and wish I were back on it again, I come here and read stories from all the newbies or people still struggling.  It is the best reminder I have of what it was like and why I don't want to ever go back to that trap.  You can get your life back!  You can do this and know we are all on your side rooting for you.

 

Take care my friend!

Hugs!

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To be honest with you Brandy, I would love to quit right now. It's frustrating because I am ready to change but cannot do so yet. The fatigue from withdrawals coupled with the fact that I have relied on a pill as the source of my self-discipline for the last 3 years means there's no way I could keep up with my extremely heavy course load at the moment. I've come this far, and while it's not optimal, I need it to finish out this last semester.

 

 

I was in this place exactly three years ago.  Although it is a special kind of Adderall hell, I believe it was necessary for me to come to this point in order to successfully quit and stay quit.  I truly prayed that my body and mind would hold up until I could finally quit.  I had some work issues, life issues, and some Adderall-induced beliefs that prevented me from quitting sooner.  I was in this hell for about two years before quitting, although the last few months were really tough.  I had quit in my mind and was ready to be done with my addiction, but the physical addiction and fear of withdrawal kept me chained to those fucking pills.  I have never wanted anything more in my life than a successful Quit.  I think you have a rock-solid plan for quitting, Chris.  Quit when you have the time and flexibility to make your recovery the #1 priority in your life.

 

LilTex, my Adderall story started like yours did.  First took it whenever friends would share, then on every Saturday "to get things done", then "just on the weekends" which grew into 3 and 4 day binges and finally into a daily habit for my last two years of Adderall.  As long  as I had a full three days off, the high came back every weekend.  But eventually the three day withdrawal made me almost entirely dysfunctional during the week and I succumbed to the daily habit.  I have never felt more grounded and emotionally stable that I have in the years since quitting the pills and cigs.

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I was in this place exactly three years ago.  Although it is a special kind of Adderall hell, I believe it was necessary for me to come to this point in order to successfully quit and stay quit.  I truly prayed that my body and mind would hold up until I could finally quit.  I had some work issues, life issues, and some Adderall-induced beliefs that prevented me from quitting sooner.  I was in this hell for about two years before quitting, although the last few months were really tough.  I had quit in my mind and was ready to be done with my addiction, but the physical addiction and fear of withdrawal kept me chained to those fucking pills.  I have never wanted anything more in my life than a successful Quit.  I think you have a rock-solid plan for quitting, Chris.  Quit when you have the time and flexibility to make your recovery the #1 priority in your life.

 

LilTex, my Adderall story started like yours did.  First took it whenever friends would share, then on every Saturday "to get things done", then "just on the weekends" which grew into 3 and 4 day binges and finally into a daily habit for my last two years of Adderall.  As long  as I had a full three days off, the high came back every weekend.  But eventually the three day withdrawal made me almost entirely dysfunctional during the week and I succumbed to the daily habit.  I have never felt more grounded and emotionally stable that I have in the years since quitting the pills and cigs.

Dude your situation is a mirror image of mine. This last semester has been so stressful and my workload is heavier than ever before, so much so that I'm I've gone from 2-3 day intermittent use to nearly every day now. Taking it that frequently weighs on me so heavily though, both physically and mentally, and so like your experience, I am just trying my best to stay centered and pray that I can make it through this final stretch without falling apart. Thank you for your words of wisdom, I hope I can be as strong as you were.

 

Chris,

 

Welcome to the site!  We are glad to have you.

 

My addiction to Adderall started off somewhat innocently enough.  My bf at the time used to tell me to save my pills for weekend partying purposes only. I would wait and pop my first pill every Friday morning at work. My co-workers started nick naming it, "Fun Friday" because I would become the life of the party and we would sit around talking non-stop and telling jokes while working. Then we'd go out afterwards and party.

 

Anyhow, it finally dawned on me how super productive I was on those Friday's so I started taking a pill here and there just like you did to get things done. Slowly, it became such an ingrained habit, that I was taking them all day everyday so I could "function".  But more than anything, I loved chasing the high.  It was a constant roller coaster ride.  And over time I just needed more and more to get the same effect.  I was beating the crap out of my buddy with that stuff and I never ever thought I'd be able to give it up.  But eventually I did and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. 

 

Last night we posted about where we'd be right now had we not quit and it was such a great reminder to see that life is really good today.  It could be so much worse had I stayed on the path of oblivion.  It's definitely the hardest thing I ever gave up, but I thank god for this website because without it and everyone's encouragement I don't know if I'd still be clean today.

 

My best advice is stay close to this board and draw support from the people here.  Whenever I feel like I miss it and wish I were back on it again, I come here and read stories from all the newbies or people still struggling.  It is the best reminder I have of what it was like and why I don't want to ever go back to that trap.  You can get your life back!  You can do this and know we are all on your side rooting for you.

 

Take care my friend!

Hugs!

Like you, I too find myself chasing the high. It feels great when you're riding it, doesn't it? You feel like you're at the top of your game, no brain fog, total confidence, and rushes of euphoria. I'd be lying if I said I didn't look forward to it when I take my first pill of the day, because I know it means that it'll be a "good" day and that I'll actually be functional.

 

The high is never worth the lows though, and I mean that in more than one way. The first being the actual comedown. You're just lying in bed tossing and turning all night with this unspent energy and focus, and then to compensate for the lack of sleep you're forced to do it all over again in the morning. It's truly a shitty, predatory cycle. The other low in my mind centers around the bigger picture: The low of being in a constant state of arrested development and not actually building any skills; just relying on a pill to find your "good" qualities. I think there's something to be said for persevering through hard times and growing through it, but I'm not even doing that, just popping pills to handle the day to day BS.

 

I will undoubtedly be taking your advice and am sure I'll rely heavily on this community for support once I finally quit. I am still amazed how we all come from such different walks of life but still share these similar experiences. Adderall is some seriously nasty shit. I don't know if I'd have had the same academic/work success that came with Adderall, but at least I'd have some real skills instead of a substance abuse problem. I appreciate your encouragement and am looking forward to getting to know everybody here. You guys rock.

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I was in this place exactly three years ago.  Although it is a special kind of Adderall hell, I believe it was necessary for me to come to this point in order to successfully quit and stay quit.  I truly prayed that my body and mind would hold up until I could finally quit.  I had some work issues, life issues, and some Adderall-induced beliefs that prevented me from quitting sooner.  I was in this hell for about two years before quitting, although the last few months were really tough.  I had quit in my mind and was ready to be done with my addiction, but the physical addiction and fear of withdrawal kept me chained to those fucking pills.  I have never wanted anything more in my life than a successful Quit.  I think you have a rock-solid plan for quitting, Chris.  Quit when you have the time and flexibility to make your recovery the #1 priority in your life.

  .

I so understand whn you say adderall induced beliefs of not quitting. I was supposed to quit last September. I started using adderall for the weight loss part since I compete in pageants. September of last year was my last pageant of the year but of course my mind said I can't quit because there's such n such event where I still have to look skinny. Now I'm back in the spring with pageant season starting back up. And there's some nights I say to myself "how am I gonna make it thru this season" with this much mental turmoil going on

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  • 3 weeks later...

Chris, this is exactly how I felt 4 months ago when I stumbled across this website. Things happen for a reason. Please, quit now. I was addicted to adderall because of college also. But, its not worth it. Stop letting a stupid little pill destroy the person that you are. What would you rather have: one day full of accomplishments in college that will be insignificant in a few years? or one day full of genuine happiness? 

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  • 3 weeks later...

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