When did you realize you needed to stop?

[Marissa]

Thinking about the "turning point" in Adderall use. For me I think it was when I realized just how much it effected my social interactions. I stopped taking it to have more fun, started to take it for school (when I "had to"), noticed how horrible I felt and how miserable it was and then ultimately how much I depended on it. It spiraled last year but I felt like I was enduring it, bitterly accepting a dependency that fed into every aspect of my life. When did it turn for you all?

 

 

[Zerokewl]

I think I knew I needed to stop for quite a long time before I did. I was trapped in a cycle and became very dependent on them. I realized I had a problem when I binging hard on them and I missed a job interview because I crashed. I remember thinking when this script is done thats it. I quit for about a month before I found this community where I was able to understand my brain fog, sleepiness, depression etc. I didn't really think what I was experiencing was withdrawal because adderall is supposed to be legal and stuff.   I probably would have had my script(s) refilled if I hadn't  found this site one day.  

[Brandy76]

Been on for 2 yrs. I'm still trying to stop using, managed to not use on the weekends. 

 

For me the sign was/is my diminished social circle and love life.  I've pushed everyone away from me with little care.  I hate small talk so when my friends text me they always think somethings wrong because I only text one word answers...to me unless your asking me a direct question or to make plans I don't want to communicate.....that's scary because I used to be so social & bubbly....adderall took that away.  And for love life meeting new people is difficult because I'm so intense that I want things to happen right away and since I've become EXTREMELY self absorbed if "I feel" I'm not getting enough attention I create drama..suffice it to say I've scared of countless new men lol

 

I think I knew I needed to stop for quite a long time before I did. I was trapped in a cycle and became very dependent on them. I realized I had a problem when I binging hard on them and I missed a job interview because I crashed. I remember thinking when this script is done thats it. I quit for about a month before I found this community where I was able to understand my brain fog, sleepiness, depression etc. I didn't really think what I was experiencing was withdrawal because adderall is supposed to be legal and stuff.   I probably would have had my script(s) refilled if I hadn't  found this site one day.  

 

I totally agree zerokewl on this site; it's a godsend.  Before I knew about this site, all these negative side effects drove me crazy since I didn't realize they were side effects.  So I acted out on them so quickly/harshly in negative ways.

 

Finding this site and knowing that the things I was feeling are from the drug makes me not act so impulsively.  It makes me more aware.

[SweetCarolinee]

As crazy as this sounds, I think I knew right away after taking them, I probably should not. It felt too unnatural. They say "when things are too good to be true they usually are" and that is definitely the case with me and Adderall and I knew right away. But at the time I started taking them, which was my first trimester in college, you couldn't pay me to stop. I was love stuck.

I was at my worse probably the first 2-3 years on them. Out of control, not eating, drinking and partying all the time. Almost failing out of school, I was too busy partying, cleaning and bar tending to concentrate on school and school work. I ended up going to a life coach and started to get my life back together while still taking them. Or so I thought.

Flash forward 5 years later since starting Adderall, I knew shit wasn't good again. I was still drinking too much, getting depressed, still partying too much, still unhealthy, not eating and when I was, eating shit like Papa Johns, but I was doing great in school and graduated. But I was so mad all the time for no reason and my depression started getting worse, which is why I was drinking so much and I knew if I kept taking them I would mess up everything I had going for me, including my great relationship with my boyfriend.

So I went to my doctor and told her I wanted something else for ADHD but more mild. I wasn't ready to quit yet. So she put me on Vyvanse. I really liked it at first, it was way more milder. But after the first year, I started noticing similar shitty side effects to being on Adderall, I stayed on it for another year until I found this site and finally quit, Dec. 28th 2013! I also started Zoloft Fall of 2013.

Looking back and really thinking about all the damage I have done to myself, my mind, body, brain, organs and soul, I'm so pissed at myself and trying to do all that I can to live a life completely opposite than I have the last 7 years. I'm being more mindful, healthy, etc.

[Marissa]

I was reading one of the articles on this site earlier today, the one that's a letter to friends asking for help. I thought the writer put it perfectly when he said "This drug is evil in so many ways. Above all though, when you really realize it, it feels like being used". 

 

I think I spent most of my time on adderall not realizing what the drug truly was, and thinking I was at fault for feeling so bad all the time. That awful moment of realization though, paired with the feeling of not being able to stop, it's definitely like being used or cheated. 

 

This site is probably the only place that I've seen the "adderall trap" or "adderall hell" articulated and truly understood. It's so hard to explain to people that sort of thing, very few people can understand how complicated it gets, let alone how taxing it can be.

 

I feel like many of the people around me (especially since I'm in college) are thinking "you have adderall, just get your shit done, it should be easy" when in my head it's screaming the exact opposite. 

[ChrisJL]

As crazy as this sounds, I think I knew right away after taking them, I probably should not. It felt too unnatural. They say "when things are too good to be true they usually are" and that is definitely the case with me and Adderall and I knew right away. But at the time I started taking them, which was my first trimester in college, you couldn't pay me to stop. I was love stuck.

I was at my worse probably the first 2-3 years on them. Out of control, not eating, drinking and partying all the time. Almost failing out of school, I was too busy partying, cleaning and bar tending to concentrate on school and school work. I ended up going to a life coach and started to get my life back together while still taking them. Or so I thought.

Flash forward 5 years later since starting Adderall, I knew shit wasn't good again. I was still drinking too much, getting depressed, still partying too much, still unhealthy, not eating and when I was, eating shit like Papa Johns, but I was doing great in school and graduated. But I was so mad all the time for no reason and my depression started getting worse, which is why I was drinking so much and I knew if I kept taking them I would mess up everything I had going for me, including my great relationship with my boyfriend.

So I went to my doctor and told her I wanted something else for ADHD but more mild. I wasn't ready to quit yet. So she put me on Vyvanse. I really liked it at first, it was way more milder. But after the first year, I started noticing similar shitty side effects to being on Adderall, I stayed on it for another year until I found this site and finally quit, Dec. 28th 2013! I also started Zoloft Fall of 2013.

Looking back and really thinking about all the damage I have done to myself, my mind, body, brain, organs and soul, I'm so pissed at myself and trying to do all that I can to live a life completely opposite than I have the last 7 years. I'm being more mindful, healthy, etc.

 

Absolutely beautiful - Thanks so much for sharing. Still haven't quit yet but your words are inspirational.

 

 

I feel like many of the people around me (especially since I'm in college) are thinking "you have adderall, just get your shit done, it should be easy" when in my head it's screaming the exact opposite.

 

Ain't that the fucking truth. Can totally relate. At times I've felt like I have this pill that lets me "cheat" at life but now I feel so scatterbrained that I can't keep anything straight. It's really become a huge detriment.

[Marissa]

Chris, I hope you're hanging in there, we're both so close to being done! I don't know about you but I daydream about being done with school and finally quitting every day before I take Adderall... it's the only thing getting me through this final stretch

[quit-once]

Chris and Marissa, you both are in a good frame of mind to kick this awful drug addiction once an for all.   I suggest you use some of your remaining time and energy on adderall to carefully plan the details of your Quit after graduating in a few weeks.  You both have grown to hate just about everything about your addiction and that is a critical step for success.  Graduation is a time of celebration and reflection and then it is time to move on with your life.  Same thing with quitting.  And if you couple two (or more) life-changing events together you will enhance your chances for success. 

 

Would you like to share the details of how and when you plan to quit with the rest of us?

[Marissa]

I still need to work on a plan, I'm not sure how specific it's going to be or needs to be. But I'm going to look into articles on this site about nutrition because it's become very obvious to me that I have no idea what that is (9 years of adderall, I have no idea what "normal" people eat). I also want to start exercising and stop drinking so much. I remember when I was sober for 5 days in december, I had so much energy, and when I quit I want to harness that into something that's good for me. 

 

So far though, I decided to stop drinking until I finish my work because I want to start taking care of myself (as much as I can, on Adderall). It's been 12 days since my last drink, pretty sure its the longest time I've gone without alcohol in 2 or 3 years! Last week was real shitty but now I feel great. Only, I can't sleep because I'm still taking Adderall and I used to drink to fall asleep. By the way, does anyone have any suggestions for this? I'm quitting Adderall on May 2nd, but for now I could really use some sleep tips. 

[matilda]

Marissa -- If you can talk to a doctor (I'm not one), do, but I've had good luck in the past with generic Benadryl (like 1/2 of a pink tablet's worth) for sleep -- it's among the more harmless sleep aids out there. But everyone's different and again, not a doctor.

[SweetCarolinee]

Marissa -- If you can talk to a doctor (I'm not one), do, but I've had good luck in the past with generic Benadryl (like 1/2 of a pink tablet's worth) for sleep -- it's among the more harmless sleep aids out there. But everyone's different and again, not a doctor.

 

Matilda,

Right now I'm in the process of weening myself off of Zoloft and I've been doing a lot of research on it -- you can go threw withdrawal of course and get brain zaps, have suicidal thoughts, trouble sleeping and lots of other terrible things and a lot of people have been suggesting taking Benadryl during this time because it helps with the symptoms. I'm definitely thinking about taking it if I get any bad side effects. Thanks for sharing!

[quit-once]

I still need to work on a plan, I'm not sure how specific it's going to be or needs to be. But I'm going to look into articles on this site about nutrition because it's become very obvious to me that I have no idea what that is (9 years of adderall, I have no idea what "normal" people eat). I also want to start exercising and stop drinking so much.

Sounds like you have given some thought as to how you will go about quitting.  How you plan to deal with the depression, fatigue, weight gain and anhedonia are just as important as emphasizing hydration, exercise, nutrition and sleep.   Quitting and recovery are very complicated processes.

 

Have you looked into 5 HTP as a sleep aid?

I am glad you recognize that alcohol is not the solution to any problem related to addiction or sleep issues. 

[formydaughter]

I realized i had a problem when i was taking double the amount i was prescribed..so for 2 wks i would be out of my adderall.. i convinced a friend of mine to sell me her adderall to get me through until my next prescription. I just kept wanting more and more. Enough was never enough!!!! I was taking 120 mg a day and smoked a pack of cigs a day. I would lie to my husband about how much adderall i took every day. I eould not leave the house without my pills!!! If i ran out of adderall i would call out of work and tell everyone i had the flu!!!!