Freebird Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 I was so close to a year off adderall... and well back to square one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 Hi Robin.. one pill doesn't mean a relapse. You can stop now. Your not a square one you are having a lapse no big thing. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted April 12, 2014 Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 Robin, what happened? moment of weakness? major binge? why? Exploring the reasons for going backwards may be the best way to move forward with your recovery. Sorry to hear you are struggling. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freebird Posted April 12, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 12, 2014 Well I was unpacking a box of spring clothes and apparently I had stashed some there. I have been so tired for so long and I don't know there were right there in my hand, so I took them over the next few days. And after not taking any for 11 months... to be honest, I just felt like what I imagine 'normal' people feel like EVERYDAY. I wasn't tweaked out like I use to be when I would take so many. I could actually get out of bed or off the couch and function, which has been a struggle for me since I quit may of 2013. Of course I was nervous that I would start thinking how to get more etc but I didn't waste my time going down that road and just tried to stay in the moment. I didn't feel so hopeless for a few days. But a part of me deep down knew that I would not be strong enough to ever keep it at that level. But again I didn't dwell on it then. But now that I can reflect back on what I did. I know I would never be able to take adderall at the level I needed to and it probably wouldn't take long before I start to increase dose gradually and well I know where that cause me to end up before. So now I am back on the couch not more depressed or tired or I don't know maybe I am actually. Having a glimpse of what "living" a "normal" life NOT DEPRESSED nor "TWEAKED" out could be like. of course I had stopped taking my Wellbutrin and lexapro about 2 weeks ago I thought it could be what was making me tired. But I don't know because now I am super depressed. What do you guys think? You know I value and take you advice and opinion when it comes to this matter and I am desperately seeking advice/help. Thanks! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Zerokewl Posted April 13, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 Robin my heart goes out to u. Every time I have a set back I watch skaeboard videos ... skaters now how to fall and get up and keep trying. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post BeHereNow Posted April 13, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 Hi Robin, I'm sorry that happened to you. BUT I'm really glad you're back on here and not planning to seek out any more adderall. That's what matters most. Just keep pressing forward. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post ashley6 Posted April 13, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 13, 2014 Robin, I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm glad you came here. I hope you choose to keep fighting!!! So I know you came across adderall and didn't resist? It's really tough dealing with being tired a lot. I get it! Was there more to you taking adderall then that? How have you been feeling emotionally? If you came across more adderall in the future, what are some ways you can protect yourself or have some sort of plan in place? Addiction is evil, but you CAN do this....adderall-free! 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted April 14, 2014 Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 Robin, That is a bummer, I'm sorry that you had to experience this so close to one year. The big question on my mind is whether or not you have any more stashes that you might stumble on in the future. If so, get rid of them now while the pain is still present in your mind! You were strong enough to make it this far so I know that you can do this again. I hope that you are able to find something that helps with your tiredness. Good for you coming here for support! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jon Posted April 14, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 14, 2014 HI Robin, I'm so sorry to hear that you stumbled on some pills when unpacking spring cloths and took them. It happens! Don't let it take your whole quit down. You have been so strong for so long. You know that I am in the same place as you; tired of being tired, near zero energy, terribly unmotivated, depressed that you want to hide under the covers all day. PM me and we can talk about this. We can support each other. We both used for so long that I believe it will take us longer to realize the return of some strength and energy. The curve for us will be longer simply because we used longer. My heart goes out to you because of this and I guess I am saying the same to myself because I am totally frustrated with my progress. Somehow, I maintain resolve and I think you do too, overall, even after this brief slip. It is nothing more. You are still on track for a complete healing. Consider trying another doctor. Side effects of Lexapro includes drowsiness, but Wellbrutrin is supposed to be activating. I don't think you should have ever been taking them together. Have you ever tried the Wellbrutrin alone? Let's talk again soon. You are going to be all right. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post SweetCarolinee Posted April 15, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Hey Robin,Hang in there girl. I'm sorry that happened but hopefully you can just keep your head up and keep looking/moving forward towards your ultimate goal of being adderall free!And Zoloft did work wonders on me in the beginning and it works for everyone differently, it does cause weight gain though (despite what your doctor will tell you, it does).I want to write you more but I feel terrible right now so I will write more too you tomorrow!All my love, Caroline 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Freebird Posted April 15, 2014 Author Popular Post Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Thanks guys for all of your messages of support. I didn't even log on yesterday I think I felt bad and felt weak for using. And then admitting it - idk. But I had to mention and tell you guys because if I can't say it and get support on here then I would really be in TROUBLE! A couple of you guys ask if I had any more stashes if adderall. Well I couldn't say for sure - I have looked of course in all my USUAL hiding places and I can't find any. But that doesn't mean I don't have any a few hear and there put away in the strangest places. I was always putting some away and then totally forgetting about them. I have found on different occasions and was able to call my husband while he was at work and tell him so I wouldn't even be tempted because he already would know etc. But I don't know maybe I wonder if was because it was in the early months after quitting and I was ok with being tired and expected it to be a part of me recovering. But almost a year out and I still feel just as tired and to have them in my hand and no one knew about them.... I don't know and I am comfortable saying that I am NOT going to seek out adderall but I honestly don't know what I would do if I came across a few again tomorrow. Tomorrow would be to soon I think. I know deep there will NEVER be again another time or another day in my lifetime that would be ok for me to take adderall. But a lot easier said then done. Thanks again for letting me vent and for offering your support and advice. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassie Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Hey Robin, Sorry you relapsed. Don't worry, you're not going to be tired forever. It's just a big adjustment to your brain to have chemicals taken away after so long. I felt much better after 2 years than one year. You just have to stick out the shitty parts (unless you want to be an addict the rest of your life.) Have you thought about joining NA or SMART Recovery and going to meetings? There is a Pills Anonymous near my house and I went a few times. It might be helpful to go to meetings if you're feeling vulnerable. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted April 15, 2014 Report Share Posted April 15, 2014 Don't worry, you're not going to be tired forever. It's just a big adjustment to your brain to have chemicals taken away after so long. I felt much better after 2 years than one year. You just have to stick out the shitty parts (unless you want to be an addict the rest of your life.) Thank you for this Cassie, I think that a lot of us needed to hear it! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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