Popular Post Shambo Posted April 21, 2014 Popular Post Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 It's been a few months since I've posted here and of course I ended up right back where I was in regards to abusing my meds. Sooooo, today, while on a week long road trip with some friends, I spontaneously called my dr and told him I was abusing the adderall. After I hung up I was laughing and sobbing... I'm bouncing between being proud of myself and wondering what in the fuck I did and how can I undo it. I wanted to tell you guys because of all the support y'all gave me last time. I'll post more when I'm home from the trip. Xoxo, AmyQ 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 Welcome back Amy! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 21, 2014 Report Share Posted April 21, 2014 that's awesome news. I think the collective wisdom here is that is really the RIGHT way to do things. Don't doubt your decison. well done. Be strong now and keep checking in. You're on your way to living free. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 22, 2014 Report Share Posted April 22, 2014 AmyQ, I agree that you made a very good decision!!! I think the consensus is also that this is an extremely hard step, because it makes it so real. I feel like it's about your doctor no longer prescribing you adderall (hope so, at least), but you're also stepping out of that denial that goes with addiction. I'm proud of your choice....just because you might be freaking out doesn't mean it's not the best choice! Way to go! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 22, 2014 Report Share Posted April 22, 2014 Freaking out is totally normal. it's like suddenly being thrown into the water, but eventually u begin to swim. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted April 23, 2014 Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 Amy, This is EXACTLY how I overcome most challenges in my life. I know some people do better to start slowly and work their way into starting a new behavior and that's great. For me personally, I like to just DIVE IN and then it's pretty much sink or swim. That's how I got clean. It's tough, but as long as you don't quit paddling, you can survive! So happy and proud of you! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
demi24 Posted April 23, 2014 Report Share Posted April 23, 2014 Amy, I was thinking of doing the same thing! That's my main problem, knowing that it's accessible/a phone call away. I've actually thought about having my father, who's a lawyer, call my doctor and threaten him with legal action, as to prevent him from writing me prescriptions again. I never went that far though. I'd also rather not get my parents involved anymore than they have been. But I'd love to know if your doctor returned your call/responded to you... let me know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 24, 2014 Report Share Posted April 24, 2014 Amy, I was thinking of doing the same thing! That's my main problem, knowing that it's accessible/a phone call away. I've actually thought about having my father, who's a lawyer, call my doctor and threaten him with legal action, as to prevent him from writing me prescriptions again. I never went that far though. I'd also rather not get my parents involved anymore than they have been. But I'd love to know if your doctor returned your call/responded to you... let me know! Demi, if u ask anyone on this site. Cutting off your doctor is terrifying but it is the right way to get free from adderall. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted April 27, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 27, 2014 So....I'm home from my trip. Being with my husband and kids- I feel irritated, guilty, overwhelmed, confused- so I numb with the tv but I've been doing that for months (when I'd run out) and tv isn't helping today. I saw it was only 2pm and I started crying because I want today to be done. This will pass. I'll have my hot yoga class tomorrow morning so I'm kinda looking forward to it because I won't feel like I'm having a heart attack. Plus I'll be able to breathe cause the Wellbutrin works without adderall and I don't smoke. I went on a binge after I called my dr. Things didn't end well, but I'm kinda glad, otherwise I'd romanticize the pills. I don't want them. I just hate what I've done to my mind....my thinking, my relationships, etc. 4 years and everything is fucked. Today I fucking hate life. Today is Day 3 off my meds. Today will be over in a few hours. And I will be glad. My dr did respond to my phone call- the secretary called me back within minutes to tell me my dr needs me to bring in my remaining 2 prescriptions (which are on file at my pharmacy). That'll be the walk of shame. And the cherry on the cake? My dr's secretary is a mother in my daughters' girlscout troop. Fuck me. BUT- all of this is better than if I went another 4 years on this shit. I'm done bitching. Sorry guys. Blah. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustinW Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Amy, screw them if anyone judges you for making good decisions! You are making great strides in the right direction; keep it up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted April 28, 2014 Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Yah wouldn't worry about her just do what you need to do cut off your supply. I expect as a medical office staff she has rules around confidentiality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted April 28, 2014 Author Report Share Posted April 28, 2014 Thanks. I haven't gotten out of bed much today. But I'm not as hopeless feeling. I will get those scripts next time I ride in town. I skipped that yoga class this morning. But that's ok. I can go tomorrow. I'm going to start posting in the 30 day challenge I guess. I appreciate the response. I thrive on any bit of positivity I can find right now. This forum is priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted April 29, 2014 Report Share Posted April 29, 2014 Be Strong! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted May 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 @inrecovery Thank you. I feel strong. Calling my Dr and cutting off the supply has made this quit feel so different than past attempts. I have accepted that I'm done, that I'll never take it again. I don't know anyone who takes it so there's no temptation there. Everyday I feel stronger and more content. Xoooo 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zerokewl Posted May 1, 2014 Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 one word comes to mind fortidude Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted May 1, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 1, 2014 @zerocewl Looking up the definition made me smile very big. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted May 2, 2014 Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 I read in another one of your posts that you just kicked the cigs. A big congratulations for that feat. After almost three years, I think about smoking more than I think about taking speed. Cig smoke smells good to me, especially from a Marlboro. But smoking one is simply not an option any more..... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shambo Posted May 2, 2014 Author Report Share Posted May 2, 2014 Wellbutrin has been amazing at helping me quit. As long as I took it alone, but when I'd take adderall on top of it, I'd smoke- not as many but I'd still smoke. When I'd run out of adderall, I wouldn't smoke until I got a refill. Wellbutrin is helping me get a jump start. I had a friend smoking cigs back to back while we were talking the other day and I didn't feel any cravings the entire time. That's huge for me. I've never felt a lack of temptation when I smell cigarettes. I loved smoking. It's crazy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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