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I'm watching my life slip away right before my eyes


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   im watching adderall take everything in my life that i love away from me!!!!  My husband is on the urge of leaving me and about to take my daughter, who i love more than life itself away from me.  He has been trying to help me for over a year and my devotion to the pill is out weighing my devotion  to him and my daughter.  I AM SCARED!!!!  I HAVE A WAY OF ALWAYS FUCKING THINGS UP FOR MYSELF!!!  Did anyone ever here of going to rehab for adderall addiction? I'm sooooo tired but i cant sleep.  Every breath i breathe and every step i take is for my daughter.  I love the way adderall makes me feel.  i dont feel normal without it.  It gives me such an enphoric feeling.  It takes the depression away.  It gives me so much energy and motivation.  It makes everything fun. How am I going to live without adderall? Why do i haveto giver something up that makes me feel so happy and good? Im pist.................

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the better future for herself is a future with her husband and daughter.

 

all due respect, quit-once, sometimes you come off as a little abrasive.

 

more often than not, people are nothing without their families. if she is quitting for her family, she is in effect, quitting for herself.

 

your message, while i'm sure was in good spirit, can come off as confusing and discomforting.

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I agree with quit once. Quitting for others doesn't work because YOU have to decide you have a problem and YOU have to want to do whatever it takes to stay sober, regardless of other people's opinions. It sounds selfish because addicts are selfish. They need to envision themselves as better people sober in order to endure the hard road it takes to get there.

I tried to quit for my husband and two months later I was back on the pills. Until I was ready to quit for myself it wasn't happening.

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I was meaning that a bit sarcastically- because she mentioned several times how her daughter was most important to her....

I haven't had a quit stick. I've done it for all the usual reasons- husband, kids, shame, etc. This time the seed was planted when my husband & I were Ineligable to attend a marriage retreat/intensive because I had an ongoing addiction. Our marriage has taken some huge hits over the last 4 years and I knew in my gut that we were on the verge of destroying it all. I knew we had to go to this retreat. I felt guilty and sad that I was what was keeping us from moving forward.

So it seems like I quit for our marriage. I'm sure if I dug a bit deeper I'd find obvious self driven motivations. I do see my marriage as a facet of self preservation though.

I may be reaching here.... But it's what I thought when I read through this thread.

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To LILTEX41,

Thank you for giving me the best piece of advice anyone has giving me regards to this topic. That was quitting adderall will be the best gift I can ever give my daughther in her life. I also agree with you that the reason why im quitting adderall or for who is irrelevant to the fact that Iam quitting adderall!!! You have been helpful. Thank You,

 

                                                                      FOR MY DAUGHTER

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well said 

GUYS --

No need for name calling here, let's all take a step back and chill. This community is here for support and to help each other, not to tear each other down and be haters. This is probably just a misunderstanding and Amy most likely didn't mean to upset you.

NOTE TO EVERYONE: We are all different here with different backgrounds, upbringings, experiences, options, thoughts, feelings etc. and it is okay to degree and disagree. We all bring something new and different and valuable to the table here. And since we are on the internet, sometimes we can't tell if someone is being serious or joking and we can mistakenly misunderstand, misread or misinterpret what someone is explaining or expressing. So if we misunderstand something or disagree on something, that's fine, that is totally okay, that is LIFE but let's just all keep it nice and not be rude to one another. Life is already full of too much hate and negatively.

I happen to agree with Quit-once and Cassie. In my personal experience in quitting, I truly quit the time I did it FOR myself. I realized - time to grow the fuck up and take accountability and make no more excuses because I wanted to not be a boozer and depressed all the time and addicted to a pill anymore. After 7 years, I finally came to the realization that I don't need a stupid devil pill to control my life and I haven't looked back since. I have tried in the past to quit for my boyfriend and for my family and friends and it never worked and I would sneak the pills anyways and try to act like I didn't take them… So messed up.

Formydaughter, we are here to help and support you! Also you become an "advanced member" once you post a certain amount of posts (I believe but I could be wrong). How you are feeling now is only temporary and those feelings will pass. Well, maybe not if you stay on Adderall. In my experience, it poisons you and your mind with negatively/negative thoughts and makes you not in touch with reality. You are currently under the spell and poison of Adderall. It really does put a spell on you and makes you dependent on it. It sucks. But the good news is YOU hold the power to get control of your life and take your life, as well as yourself, your mind and personality, body, daughter and husband back. Your just going to really have to work for it. It does give you "…so much energy and motivation" but so does coffee and B12 and 5 hour energy -- without all the shitty side efforts. Depending how long you have been on it, the bad starts to outweigh the good, I promise you that. There is hope. This site is what gave me the power to finally quit for good and it can do the same for you, my friend!
 

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If someone has a driven motivation to quit by virtue of the love for their family, they shouldnt be told that that is not the right way to quit or that it wont work. Im sorry, that is simply flawed reason and logic and deleterious to progress. That's her rock bottom. She doesnt want to lose it all. If that is what is lighting the fire under her to quit, then wonderdul! And if u read liltex's response above, it is in line with what im saying.

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