Leap of faith...(can I get a push?)

[Tolchock]

This is all new to me, posting in a forum, quitting Adderall, taking a stand.  

 

I am a forty something professional who has forgotten what it is like to be me.  I was diagnosed with ADD (that is my parents came home from the dr. one day with a bottle of ritalin) in Jr. High.  I have either had an Rx or have self medicated for the majority of the years since.  

 

Five years ago, I thought it would be a good idea to discuss my "ADD" with a doctor...not because I necessarily thought I indeed had ADD, but because I wanted to try adderall and I knew that my history would make it easy to obtain an Rx.  I somehow I convinced a part of myself that this was legitimate; after all my Dr. prescribed it to me and my insurance paid for it.

 

I wanted the performance enhancements that I knew adderall could provide.  I wanted to advance my career and obtain goals that I felt were a stretch and I thought a bit of pharmaceutical help would provide a catalyst..."I will eventually stop getting the Rx once things are rolling smoothly and I am well on my way to success..." or so I thought.  I have attained many of the goals that I thought I needed the help of adderall achieve.  But many aspects of my life have suffered as a result.  I desperately want to be rid of the "crutch" that adderall has become, but the thought of not having it is terrifying.

 

I have been off for 6 days now and feel horrible.  I have to perform at work but even the thought of taking on my required tasks seems herculean.  I feel weak, unmotivated, stupid.  I have held my prescription over the shredder but have not been able to drop it in.  My will power to not fill this is waining and it frightens me.  I want off, but feel so trapped.

 

 

 

[Zerokewl]

Welcome to the board. Early withdrawal sucks, all you can do really is sleep as much as possible for the first little while. Take some time and read the articles on this site and check out some old forum posts.  Stay close to this site you've found a community of people just like you here to be support and be supported. 

[mila490]

Hi and welcome. I can completely relate to the trapped feeling. The only way out is through, so keep going and you will feel better in time. Today is my 7th day without Adderall. I am relying heavily on caffeine and making sure I get lots of sleep. 

 

It's crazy how tempting it is to go back on the drug. One minute you might be feeling good and proud of your progress so far and the next minute you want to throw your hands up and go take a pill for that kick. 

 

I made a list of all the reasons I will feel better off without it eventually. I made a list of all the negatives being on Adderall too. Whenever I'm tempted I look at both of these lists and I've found it really helps. Simple, but it helps.

 

Best of luck and keep checking in here.