Relapsing

[Doge]

For those of you who quit for 4 months or more.  How many times did you relapse before quitting?  Or if its easier to answer, for what time period after deciding to quit did you continue to relapse before finally succeeding at walking away for good.

 

I am sure this is a familiar story, but I feel I just change my mind after a certain point and decide I'm not addicted and my life will be better with adderall.  Then sure enough I'll find myself strung out after an all nighter after doing half a months supply in 36 hours.  I'll beat myself up and absolutely hate myself for it and start my "clean days timer" all over again.

 

The reason I ask is that I want to know if I can even realistically do this or if I need to seek additional help.  I'm afraid to do this because I there will be drastic consequences to doing this of course, so I would really prefer to do this on my own.

[quit-once]

My attempts to quit were fairly lame and half-assed.  My approach to quitting and staying quit is presented in my original post of How I Quit Adderall, and here is the link......http://forum.quittingadderall.com/topic/142-how-i-quit-adderall/.

 

A couple of things from your post I want to directly respond to.

Most importantly, you need to make a plan to quit and follow it like your life depends on it.  THE most important thing you will ever do for yourself.  And there must be a significant consequence for failure.  Relapse itself is not a consequence, it is a failure of willpower.  So, what will happen if you fail again?  Will you check yourself into an in-patient rehab?  Even if it costs you money you may not have?  Even if it means others will learn of your addiction?  Even if you have to take time off work or lose your job?  Just how important is it to you that you finally get off the shit for good?

 

About six months before quitting, I researched the subject, both here and elsewhere on the internet.  I printed pages and pages of discussion from forums like this and what I learned was that everybody relapsed, even years after quitting.  I found very little hope that people got off it and stayed off it for good.  Avoiding a relapse was so important for me that I made my screen name Quit Once because I would be too ashamed to use that name again if I ever relapsed.  I guess that  one reason I hang around here, even 3+ years after quitting, is to offer the new quitters hope that it can be done.  I believe there are a lot of people who kick this addiction, but we don't often hear from them because they have successfully moved on with their lives.

 

So my advice is to do your research, build a toolbox, and make a rock solid plan to quit.  Timing matters, so plan your quit when the disruptions to your life will be less adverse.    Have significant penalties and consequences that you intend to enforce upon yourself if you do indeed fail again.  Have at least one really big reward planned for when you do succeed.  And quit like your entire future and well being is at stake and your life depends on it, because it does.  Good Luck! 

[IFIHADKNOWN]

Hi - very sorry to hear about your relapse but I also understand why it happens.  As quit-once indicated, this is the nature of the drug and why so many people cannot shake it once they start it.  That said (and I by no means want to sound judgemental) but if you were able to go through a 1/2 month supply in 36 hours, you really should consider outside assistance.  

 

One problem that I quickly learned is that most doctors do not even understand the issues associated with quitting Adderall.  I have had at least 4 doctors tell me "well, after 30 days it should be out of your system and you should be feeling fine".  It's crazy!  

 

On Youtube there are some videos from a Clinic in New York that appears to understand the withdrawal process and the nature of why people take it.  In their video they describe other medications (such as Wellbutrin or Provigil (for awakens) to take while you taper off.  I found that information to be very useful and basically put together a formula with a local doctor that works for me (some Provigil for awakeness and a small amount of Xanax when needed for anxiety).  It literally helped me prevent a relapse.  

 

All medications have negative side-effects and benzos or stimulants like Provigil or Xanax can create other serious additions - but for me - I have never had withdrawal from anything but Addy.  Check out the video and see if it helps you any.  At least you can take comfort that some experts understand this is greatly about the drug and not the person.  Here is the video link - I watched many and this one seemed the best - but it is not an official endorsement as I am sure that others on the forum would be critical of some of his advice or methods for quitting.  I hope it helps you - it did for me:  

[Cassie]

I had several half-assed quits that lasted a month here and there. The first time I tried to seriously quit, I relapsed after 2 months and took Adderall for another 9 months. During those 9 months, I was planning for the next quit. The time of year was important to me (slow at work and nice weather). The second time I tried to seriously quit was 3 years ago, and I haven't touched Adderall since. You can quit on your own if you really want to and you completely cut off your access to the drug. 

 

IFIHADKNOWN, my doctor said the same thing, that "you should feel fine after 30 days." Haha, what a load of crap.

[Doge]

I have been trying to rid myself of it for quite some time.  The physical withdrawals to me are the easy part.  Not that they are pleasant but that they keep in the frame of mind that I need to be in:

 

- i.e. I know I am an addict and cannot use it responsibly.  I also know it is destroying my life and will continue to do so if I allow it.

 

I made it 2 months back in the summer time, and even got through one of my most stressful exams (successfully) during this time.  I was eating better, exercising, looking better, feeling better..... etc.

 

You'd think this would be exactly the reinforcement I'd need to imbue myself with the confidence to finally leave the drug alone.  Instead, I celebrated and rewarded myself with a relapse, and haven't gone more than a week or two since without it.

 

I definitely notice a correlation between resolve I'm feeling at any particular week vs how much I frequently I visit this site.  It's like once a week has past, I convince myself I don't need help anymore.
 

Anyways, thanks for the advice.