Jmd Posted June 5, 2015 Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 Where to begin, well 4 years ago I started down a slippery slope abusing pain meds. After a year and a half I came clean to my wife and got help. During this process I started dabbling with Adderall during the withdrawal and tired periods. For the last two years I've been on and off adderall. When on adderall, I use way more than therapeutic doses and I find myself drinking way more than anyone should. In January I quit cold turkey surprisingly easy and was off for 3 of the greatest months that I can remember for a long time. Then, back in April for whatever reason I thought "man, just one adderall won't hurt and will get me that extra energy". I haven't stopped since and it's probably the worst it has been. I keep saying I need to stop but I can't go longer than 2 days. Oh, and did I mention I'm a pharmacist so this poison is around me all the time! It's part of my job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted June 5, 2015 Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 Welcome to the forum! You can quit again, and you absolutely should. The drug may be around you all of the time, but if you don't have a prescription you can't have any. Get rid of your sources. You can do this! Good luck! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jmd Posted June 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 I know I can do this. I've done it before. Just for some reason this time seems more difficult than past times. I just want to be me without a chemical dictating who I am! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jmd Posted June 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 Always Awesome, how did you tell that voice in the back of your head to shut up? Like my last and longest attempt, I feel if I can get through the first couple days then I have momentum to build on. This latest relapse I'm never able to build momentum. I also hit the gym last time and lately have not had time for the gym. I am desperate to quit b/c I have this terrible feeling that I've been lucky in the past of no one else being affected but now I know my marriage and my son's life will get destroyed too if I don't stop! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted June 5, 2015 Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 I wish there was a super awesome secret to it...truth is, I told everyone that I know, work with, etc. I didn't have a prescription, because I didn't go back to the doctor. Luckily, it is a long drive and quite inconvenient to get there. I didn't have a choice of going back to it, because I created external accountability. Then, I ate and slept and just muddled through for a few months. I gained 40 pounds, my house was a wreck, and I felt all around crappy. But...at about 10 months clean it was like the fog lifted and I wanted to do things. I had already stopped craving the drug's physical feeling (at about 3 months clean, or so), but still missed being motivated to do any and everything. If you can convince yourself that it is okay not to be perfect, then you have won. I believe it is the hardest part and having support around you is a huge help. My biggest advice...cut off all access to it. Tell your doctor. Tell your wife and family. Explain to them how you are going to be tired and pretty useless. Give yourself extra time to do tasks, especially important ones like filling prescription orders. Then, just let it be. You are going to get through this because you are awesome and your family deserves to have the real you. Hang in there! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jmd Posted June 5, 2015 Author Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 Thanks! I know I can do it. I was in pretty deep with pain meds and I got out of there. On occasion when filling a pain script I'll think for a moment, but then easily keep on keeping on. I guess with Adderall I just forget how much of a struggle and how much work the opiates took at first. I want that same power over adderall NOW like I have over opiates. Sometimes we easily forget the difficult battles and on remember the victory. Talking with you today has helped me feel strong already. Thank you! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted June 5, 2015 Report Share Posted June 5, 2015 That is because you are strong! Adderall is a bitch, but she can be beaten. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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