TodayDeterminesTomorrow Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 I am feeling like I'm at a dead end. I don't know how I wound up here, addicted to this crap- but I'm here and today feels worse than most. I made a final resolve to quit, cold turkey which is the only way for me and I actually made it - 6 whole days. And right when I was starting to come around, to get energy back and begin living again- just like hat the opportunity arose to get my hands on this torture and for reasons I can't explain- I'm right back where I started. I am so dissapointed- in myself, in the fact that I don't know how I can handle three days like that again, the fact that I feel I've lost control...I want to quit, I know I have to- yet this is going on 15 months now and I can't do what I know I should be doing. Any help, any advise- anyone willing to step up and hold me accountable- I'm here, need you and appreciate anything that can help Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 Look around this site. Read our stories, and the articles. You are among like minded souls here. So, you didn't make it stick? How many times did I "quit", gain a few pounds and run back to the pills? I can't even count. Guess what? You know you have to quit and you have come to the right place. Now, tell everyone you know, cut off your supply (all of it), and stay close to this forum. I would not have been able to quit if it hadn't been for this site. We are here for you and you can do this!! Now put down the pills and get clean for good!~ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted January 29, 2016 Report Share Posted January 29, 2016 When I look back at all of my past attempts to quit, the first attempt was the hardest. It's because it's so fresh and so new (life without adderall). You have NO IDEA what to expect of being clean after being on this drug and I just remember feeling how I didn't think I could live without it. I thought I'd fail at life without it and it was the only glue that actually held my life together. It wasn't until I had some serious amount of time clean and then relapsed that I was able to really take a look at how awful my life had been while on this drug in comparison to being sober. It caused me so many problems. It made me act irrational, hostile, paranoid, disturbed, stay up for days at a time, constantly sick with weird ailments - always visiting the doctor, isolating and focusing on weird tasks for hours on end, feeling bipolar, and carrying this feeling of angst with me at all times from knowing I was hooked on a drug and had ZERO clue how I'd ever get off it because I thought it was the cure. It was NOT the cure, it was the POISON destroying my life. Try to think of it in that way and stop telling yourself there are advantages to taking it. Just tell yourself there are ZERO advantages from consuming this POISON and trust the people on this site that have been clean for a long time that one day you'll look back and say the same thing. You are so happy to be recovered and enjoying life without it!! Come on, don't give up. You CAN do this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EstherEmily Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 I was so messed up on this stuff, it really was ruining my life. I had to quit because I got pregnant, so I have no advice on how to get past that first big step. What I can tell you is that you will start feeling better once you quit, it just takes some time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jloyd800 Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 I'm 5 days clean and it is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'm on here daily because I'm afraid of returning to my old life of living by the clock, taking a pill every 3-4 hours just to get through the day until bedtime. Then I'd take something to go to sleep and my Adderall to get up and going the next morning. I miss the rush and the feeling of contentment I had on it. But the last 3 months have been hell on it. Something happened with my body chemistry and I couldn't take as much as I needed to survive the day. I was a nervous wreck. But I took it anyway because at least I could feel good about things for a couple of hours before the anxiety set in. Today,. hang in there. Keep coming back here. I know what you are going through and I know what would happen if I started up again. At this moment, it just wouldn't be worth it. I can only only live one minute at a time right now. I stay busy when I'm not sleeping or on this site. I drag into work and do the bare minimum to get through the day. Read some of the articles on this site and believe that you can do it, however that may be, cold turkey or weaning. I tried weaning and it just didn't work for me. I quit cold turkey. Give yourself a break and be good to yourself! Janie 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fkadderall Posted January 30, 2016 Report Share Posted January 30, 2016 you're going through mental & physical withdrawal. there is nothing good about adderall.. it makes you productive for a day then you feel crappy for months when you're without it. ur body is so used to being fueled by the drug. amphetamine is a hard drug. i don't think i knew this until i was addicted . If there are meth users who can fully recover, adderall users have a better chance of recovering.. Pharmas need to seriously fuck off. who voted to legalize pills? loool fucking fda 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Posie Posted February 3, 2016 Report Share Posted February 3, 2016 It is so crazy to me that i can walk into any psych's office and get this stuff, just like that. The first time I went I purposely picked an older conservative man and then talked about how much I was fighting with my husband because of my complete lack of organization and messiness. It's true, yes, but isn't there another way to deal with ADD? And that this drug is being handed out to children? It's awful. My brother has been on it now also for about five years and he is getting skinnier and skinnier and is beginning to actually LOOK like a meth head. His eyes go all crazy, he doesn't eat, he hardly sleeps. He's one of the reason I want to get off the drug and lead an authentic life. Reading your stories is so helpful to me. My friends do not understand how much this stuff gets under your skin, how much you want to take it to do ANYTHING. Like, oh I need to write a thank you note to grandma? take adderall! oh i need to clean? take adderall! oh, how about baking a cake?? Adderall will make the cake so much better and more fun to make! F-THAT. I am so over this chemical bullshit destroying my soul. I can't pretend that clean thing efficent feeling isn't calling my name, it is, and maybe always will be. This is my third time quitting. I have an appointment with a DR. in two days. I want to cancel but I also want to get my work done. Thank you everyone for your supportive words. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted February 4, 2016 Report Share Posted February 4, 2016 Don't do it!! Tell the doctor that you have a problem. Don't get back on this terrible roller coaster. Look at your brother...see what you will look like, if you don't already. You may be looking bad, too and just can't/won't see it. Break the cycle and quit. It has to happen sooner or later, wouldn't you rather get your life back sooner? The sooner you quit, the sooner you get back to normal... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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