msb1128 Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 I posted several weeks ago about tapering. Yup. Tried that. It's brutal because you just can't stop thinking about the pills you could be taking. I've also had some serious scary life events going on that probably have not made it the best time to try to quit. In any case I don't think a drawn out taper is going to work for me, just as it hasn't for many of you apparently. I am back at my original dose of 20mg in divided doses throughout the day. Some days I even take 25 or 30mg, which is more than prescribed. I am desperately ready to be off this crap and am even excited about the challenge. Definitely looking forward to getting my old self back with all the depth of feelings and passions and connection to others, etc. I could use some advice on how and when to do this. Here's the situation: I am a college instructor and a psychologist. I have come to depend on adderall to be "on" when I teach and during sessions. I am terrified of being brain-dead and unable to work while I'm adjusting to life without adderall since my work takes so much mental energy and focus. I have to be at least somewhat clear-headed or there could be serious consequences. I do not have ADHD and used to be able to do these things just fine without adderall (it was prescribed for fatigue, which I now believe was more related to thyroid and adrenal problems, which the adderall has NOT helped with in the least!).The other issue is that this is an unusually stressful season since a few of my pets have faced serious medical problems. They are all older now and have required a lot of extra care including daily medical care at home. Three of the four likely won't live more than a year or two. I have been so stressed out trying to manage their situations and even help the vets figure out what was wrong with one of them in the first place. It was a huge diagnostic headache and still has not been totally resolved. I have really needed my mind to be sharp. Things have calmed down now. Everyone is semi-stable for the moment, but that could change any time. Needless to say all of this has been emotionally very difficult - well, to the extent the adderall allows me to feel real feelings. Emotions aside, needing to be able to keep up with their care and figure out what they need when certain symptoms appear is another reason I'm terrified of being in a total mental fog. They really could die if I miss something or mess something up, and I don't have much capable help from others in taking care of them. I have to be on top of everything. What would I do if quitting totally paralyzes my brain? On the other hand, if I do only have a year or two with them I do NOT want to spend it tweaked out on adderall and going through the motions like a robot. I want to be able to love them more deeply and even be able to grieve. I also think that putting off quitting until I say goodbye to all three of them is not fair to me. I can't be on this stuff another year or more while I wait for a dog and two cats to die. There probably will be various medical crises with them in the near future, but do I seriously postpone quitting for that long and because of these situations? I guess I will just have to deal with whatever comes up without adderall. I'm hoping I will even have more quality time with them off adderall because right now pretty much all I do is treat their medical conditions. I feel so detached and unable to just enjoy being with them. I know that's the adderall and I hate it! Here's my question: Assuming I need to quit cold turkey or at least do a rapid step down, I'm wondering about how I might make use of school breaks coming up. I will have ten days for spring break (including weekends) starting one week from tomorrow. I feel like I should make use of this and either quit then or drop down to 10mg and tell my doctor so that's all she gives me. I did already tell her I was planning to quit. I need to be able to at least function when I go back to school after break though. Is that even possible after only ten days clean? The other option is to wait until the end of the semester (beginning of May) to quit - or reduce my dose over spring break to 10mg and then drop that last 10 at the end of the semester when I will be able to crash for a little longer and won't be doing work that involves my mind so much. I know stepping down over spring break and staying on a reduced dose to finish the semester is more risky for relapse, maybe too risky, but again I'm terrified of not being able to function the rest of the semester after spring break. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I think, though. Maybe the worst would be over after 10 days of withdrawal over spring break. I really do want this over. I can almost feel the relief I know I would experience when the pills are gone for good and come what may, I have none left. It might be a really rough season, but having them totally out of my life would be a huge burden lifted. What do you guys think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 I suggest waiting until the semester is over. But what will your penalty be for failure to stay quit? Are you willing to leave your animals and go away to rehab if your Quit fails? I'm just sayin the stakes have to be pretty high if you are going to make this work on your own. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 I would finish the semester. While still on the adderall, clean the house, make a plan, buy a ton of snacks, and quit cold turkey after the semester ends. Tell the doctor that you can't be on it without abusing it. The prescription has to be gone...no longer an option. No chance to go back. You can do this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msb1128 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 I see the wisdom in waiting until the semester is over. I want to do it now so badly. I am so sick of this drug and want it gone now, but that might not be feasible given what I have to keep up with. I take it that's what you guys are saying. I have already talked to my husband about setting a date. He knows what we could be in for. I will try to get as much done before so I really can be useless for a while. I did tell my doctor via email that I have to get off of this, and when I see her next month I will tell her exactly why. I do plan to set things up so that once I reach my quit date I have no way to get any more adderall. It will be gone for good come hell or high water. That is my high stakes, quit-once. I have already told my sister and my best friend that I plan to quit so I have multiple people to provide accountability. We are all somewhat experienced professionally or personally in addiction and rehab so we all know what to look for when a person is playing games, and I told them to call me out if they ever need to and to keep an eye out for any crap. But when it's gone, it will be gone, so there really will be nothing else I can do. I will have everything in place so adderall is no longer an option. Period. No matter how much I might want to go back. It will be over. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlwaysAwesome Posted February 26, 2016 Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 Best plan of action. Now, get ready and do it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msb1128 Posted February 26, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2016 Just to be clear, you guys don't think I could accomplish this over spring break? Even if I took a couple extra days off in addition? I know it's going to be quite unpleasant, but it sounds like some of you quit cold turkey while keeping up with work and family obligations. Not that it was easy at all. I'm just so eager to get rid of adderall. I might also be afraid of losing my resolve if I wait too much longer. A big part of me wants to flush all my pills now and tell my doctor that's it and just deal with it, whatever happens. Is that totally naive? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted February 27, 2016 Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 If you are ready to quit now then by all means do it. I went back to work after my cold turkey quit and four day crash but the demands of my job wewe low at the time. It was at least a few months until i could think clearly and solve big problems. The resolve to quit can be fleeting. So seize that opportunity. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msb1128 Posted February 27, 2016 Author Report Share Posted February 27, 2016 This is difficult. I am determined to do this but still on the fence about when. Something happened at work yesterday though that drove home again the idea that I simply cannot be without a functional brain while doing this kind of work. Had I been crashing and in a mental fog the consequences could have been bad. So for now I am unsure about the timing of this, but it has to be the end of the semester at the latest. There are no excuses then. For now, however, I see no need to take any more than 15mg. 20mg down to 15mg seems to make no real difference. 10 is when I start having problems. All I know is today I am only taking 15. One day at a time is all I can do at the moment. Too much craziness still going on. Thanks again for all your help. I'm so happy for you guys that you made it off. It gives us all hope! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.