msb1128

Very good input. Thank you! No way will I go back to adderall even if I fall off the wagon with caffeine. I don't have any and have told my doctor I can't take it. I never want that in my life again. I do have an all or nothing outlook on many things, though, so it makes it tough. Maybe I should be happy I've even made it down to one or two cups a day. I just have a lot of healing to do still after the adderall. It ran me into the ground. I have nutritional deficiencies, IBS, hypothyroidism, adrenal fatigue, and other hormone imbalances. All were made much worse by adderall. I also just reintroduced gluten after six months off and now have these crazy hives, so I know I'm gluten intolerant. No more guessing. I had eliminated almost all sugar and dairy too but slid back into that more recently, partly on purpose to test it out. So I guess I'm a bit of a health nut too, Frank, and now I've got a lot of cleaning up to do after the mess adderall made of my body. Going back off gluten, added sugar, most dairy, and hopefully caffeine.

Hey! I quit adderall about eight months ago and haven't looked back. So glad to have that wretched crap out of my life! I have adrenal fatigue, which was made worse by the adderall and any kind of stimulant. I know when we first quit adderall many of us couldn't imagine not having caffeine to help us cope, but I need to let go of caffeine now too. I know it's keeping me wired and tired, and in that sense I'm using it sort of like "adderall light." Has anyone eliminated caffeine at some point and felt better? I'm down to one or two cups of coffee a day - down from about four cups, but just like the adderall, I'm kicking and screaming trying to give up that last little bit. I need motivation! Tell me how much better I'll feel!!! Wishing you all well tonight.

Excellent advice above! I will say that I personally could not quit cold turkey while I was working. I'm a college professor and psychologist. My brain would have been fried, and it could have been bad. Tapering down wasn't working because of the psychological hold adderall had on me. I found myself always going back up on my dose and had one excuse or another ready to justify taking just a bit more that planned. You know how it goes. I knew I had to do this cold turkey, so I took some time off at the end of the semester. After a couple weeks, I was still a little loopy, but the worst was over and I could function enough to get by. I think the ability to quit cold turkey and still be semi-functional depends on the person, the dose, how long you've been taking it, and what demands you have on you. Some here have made it through pretty much keeping up with normal life. I couldn't, especially given the fact that I needed to be able to think very clearly in my line of work. If you're on a lower dose and you can operate at a decent level just dropping the drug, definitely do it ASAP. Don't keep taking it any longer than you have to. If not, consider quitting over your next break or taking a couple weeks off as soon as you possibly can (Over the holidays? I know that would suck but it would be the best gift you could give yourself!!!). I swear to you, I think much more clearly now off adderall than I ever did on, and my imagination is back. I feel like I'm sharper and finally have my mind back. My feelings too. I'm human again. It's SO worth it! Granted, I don't have ADHD. My adderall was prescribed for mental fatigue (terrible idea), so it just turned me into a robot that could think fast but not think smart. I don't know if you have ADHD or not, but I suspect if you've made it this far in school studying a subject like this and have only taken adderall for a year, you got really, really far without the adderall. In that case, you probably don't need it and will be much better off without it. One more thought: Someone here encouraged me to really prepare for my quit and when I was absolutely ready, to go for it 100%. The more you quit and start back on, you start convincing yourself you can't quit for good. The idea gets stronger every time you relapse. Of course it's a lie. You can quit and relapse 100 times and then get serious with attempt 101 and make it, but you psych yourself out and start thinking it will never stick the more you relapse. So plan well, get all ready, and then go and never look back! You can do this!

Hi Bluemoon, I'd be miserable up there in the dark too now that winter is coming! Have you considered getting one of those therapy lights to treat depression and seasonal affective disorder? It really helps in the winter and gives you a boost of energy too. I'm in the Detroit area, and the long winter months are bad enough here! Even if you don't think you can move right away, do you think you could start taking specific steps to plan for your move? Start really exploring your location options, deciding on a move date and starting to do the prep work now? Maybe if you could see progress toward your goal to move, it would show you the light at the end of the tunnel to get you through the rest of your time up there. You would know that although you still have some time left there, you're in a sense already on your way!

That's wonderful!!! I think we'd all prefer to taper if we could, but obviously it doesn't work for many. So glad it did for you!

Remembering how I felt the first week, I'd say mostly give yourself permission to be lazy. You need a lot of rest to recover from what adderall put your body though. However, it's never too early to start taking some SMALL steps toward rebuilding your health and creating new healthy habits - trying to eat some healthy things (but also giving yourself permission to have some treats to make this difficult time more manageable), moving a little bit like a shorter walk or run, getting a few things done to keep up with things so you don't find yourself way behind in the weeks to come. With everything, keep goals small and concrete right now. Nothing that takes up too much time or is too complicated since you won't have the mental energy to focus on any one thing for long or think through any complicated task. Small goals that are attainable also help you feel like you are still accomplishing something. If your main concern is exercise and food, I'd be focusing on balance - again some exercise but shorter sessions maybe, and a balance of foods that allow you to wallow in your misery a little (LOL) but also know that you are starting or maintaining healthy eating habits. Just don't go overboard with anything right now or be too hard on yourself. Now is not the time.

FrankB, you may be right about the depression. When depressed I tend to not eat as opposed to overeating. It's weird that I've gained all the post-adderall weight anyway. Oh well. Paradoxically I may need to actually eat more and start working out to revive my metabolism and get back to where I was before adderall. Definitely I would say skipping meals is not helpful. My blood sugar tanks, the adrenaline kicks in, and this is really bad with me trying to recover from adrenal fatigue, which I know the adderall contributed to, at least in part.

Frank B, last time I was on I remember you were really struggling. It's great to hear you're doing so well!!! Sounds like you're over the worst and on your way! Danquit, the anxiety thing is indeed weird. You would think you'd be less anxious giving up a stimulant like adderall since it sometimes can rev you up too much, but I went through a period about two months into quitting where I was very anxious. It was this constant feeling of dread, like always sensing something horrific was about to happen. I guess maybe the adderall gave us a shot of confidence, albeit artificial confidence, while we were taking it. :/

Quick question: Like many of you I have gained 15-20 lbs since quitting. It's annoying but I'm not too worried. Just so relieved to be clean, which is more important. Anyway, so many people seem to report having a voracious appetite after they quit. In my case it seems my appetite has still not come back. The adderall destroyed it. I was almost never hungry and had to make myself eat. Strangely enough this has continued. Has this happened to anyone else? All I can think of is that the adderall had me in near starvation mode most of the time (no history of eating disorders, just not hungry), so maybe it wrecked my metabolism. Now that I'm off I've had the typical weight gain - maybe I'm eating just a little more??? - but for the most part I have no natural interest in food. That part has not really changed since I was on adderall. The only other possible theory: I think I've heard that some nutritional deficiencies can actually cause loss of appetite, and I'm sure while I was on adderall I had some major deficiencies developing due to not eating enough. I should mention I have adrenal fatigue and hypothyroidism too in case that could be related in any way. It's just so weird because it's not at all what I would have expected since so many others talk about wanting to eat everything in sight. I wish I could enjoy my food again, especially since I'm three sizes bigger now anyway! Lol!

Thanks for all the great feedback and encouragement. I've not been on since I first posted this. Too much going on in my personal life, etc. But I'm still off adderall. I never looked back. So it's been over four months now! I think my moods are starting to even out thankfully. It's hard to say what's what though. I have been on Zoloft at different doses for half my life now. I was on a very small dose when I quit adderall and I did decide to go up on the dose for a while. I'm back down again. I don't know what to do about the zoloft. I have a real love/hate relationship with it. I hate taking any medication unless absolutely necessary and would like to someday get to a point where I can wean off of that too, but extremely slowly. At least I don't have a crazy addictive relationship with the zoloft, so in that regard it's less complicated. Also, my cat died not long after I quit adderall. We were best buddies, so it's been a rough summer with a lot of grieving and stress with other pets who are older and sick to complicate matters....I'm so glad to be rid of the adderall though. I cannot tell you what a relief it is to be free of the roller coaster highs and lows and thinking about it all the time. I had my life organized around when I took it, and now I can just live my life - no longer a slave to this stupid pill. Anyway, I thought I'd check in and give an update and thank everyone for their replies. I hope you all are doing well.

Hey! I was on 30mg and quit cold turkey on 5/13. This Friday will be four weeks. I'm past the serious can't think/can't move phase and am settling in for the long haul. I am definitely experiencing some of what I expected based on others' experiences: mild depression and anxiety, an overall sense of dread and impending doom, lack of energy and motivation. I think I can deal with that and hope it will ease up eventually. I've gained ten pounds so far, weirdly even without an increase in appetite, but I don't even care about that for now beyond not being able to fit in most of my pants. I will deal with that eventually. What's really difficult is the wild mood swings I'm having. I do have a history of depression, but it always used to show up either as major depressive episodes that were relatively brief but nearly disabling, or longer periods of dysthymia, just low-level blahs. Others in my family were more prone to everyday moodiness and dramatic outbursts of despair or anger, but for the most part when not in a real full-blown depression I've been pretty steady mood-wise for most of my life. This changed with adderall. I was up when it was in my system. High really. Then I crashed on the way down pretty badly sometimes. I feel like adderall made me bipolar! The problem is I'm still having these mood swings. I can be fine (or fine for coming off adderall - just in a general mopey state but sometimes pretty normal) and then the slightest thing happens and something flips a switch in my head. Seriously from one minute to the next, I hate everyone and everything. Everything is doom and gloom and totally hopeless. I want to lie down and die (NOT suicidal) or I attack those around me. I'm not physically violent, but I attack those I love with words, by withdrawing from them, and with my generally vicious critical attitude about everything when I'm in that state. It's not the real me, and it's very scary that I can't seem to control it or pull myself out of it sometimes for a whole day. I feel so bad for my husband who is taking the brunt of this. I think he is almost scared of me and so nervous because he never knows now on a given day if I will be Jekyll or Hyde. Unfortunately he has only known me since I've been on adderall and now that I've quit, so I don't think he can even imagine what I was like before I started having my "fits," as he calls them. I was NOT like this before adderall. Can anyone relate to this? Anger and extreme moodiness caused by the adderall and/or coming off of it? Will it ever go away? Any tips to help me or those around me who are affected by it? Thank you!

Thanks for the input, everyone. I've been off the site for a while finishing up the semester. Now that my grading is done I can take some time off. I am getting ready to quit the adderall now, stocking up on food and movies and everything my poor old sick cat needs - her meds and diabetes supplies (gotta keep on top of that somehow in the midst of this!), and I just cleaned my place today. It's like planning for a vacation. Except this one might not be so pleasant. The cat and I will just hunker down for a while. My husband is pretty scared, but I have arranged things with people we trust who know me best he can talk to if there's a problem. I am aware of the risks with benzos and the like (Ambien is in a class called hypnotics, but yes, acts similarly to benzos). My doctor has talked to me in the past about tapering. I figured that's what I would need to do with those. I just wanted to get others' opinions on it too and particularly if now would be a good time to lower doses. I did think cold turkey with those would be disastrous. So all of you putting out warnings, that is sound advice. I think I will be so tired without the adderall I will probably need less of the other two. I will keep taking some regardless, even if I'm so exhausted I somehow feel like I don't need it. Maybe a slightly lower dose, and maybe it will indeed be a good time to start a taper on those. We will see how it goes, but I definitely won't do anything drastic with those two. Nasty stuff. All of it!

Thanks, Liltex! I don't know about the ambien, but I've always heard klonopin should be tapered. Especially if you are taking higher doses. At high doses it functions as an anti-seizure medication, so stopping abruptly can actually cause seizures even if you've never had them before. I doubt this would happen at my dose, but who knows. I will get some more info on this, and maybe just see what I need when I go off the adderall. If I'm falling asleep all the time as it is I may not need the ambien unless dropping it abruptly causes changes in mood or other problems, which is a possibility. I will take the klonopin as needed, which is what I do anyway (with an average dose of 1.0mg per day). I was just wondering if I should officially work on dropping them at the same time, if that would be a good thing or a really bad thing. I remember some people here talking about increased anxiety when they drop adderall, which got me thinking maybe that would not be a good time to stop the klonopin! I hate that I've got all these meds to deal with, but thankfully it's relatively small doses of each. The adderall is going to be the worst because I know I have a psychological addiction going on. I don't think I feel the same way about klonopin. I don't "look forward" to taking it the way I do my adderall doses. If nothing else I'm tired of the space adderall is taking up in my head just thinking about it. Definitely looking forward to filling my mind with more worthy things.

Hey! I'm planning to quit in May when I will have some time off. I'm on 20mg per day, give or take, and have been for a few years. I'm gearing up for a cold turkey quit since I don't think I can do a taper without caving. I have no idea what lies ahead of me. I'm honestly terrified given what others are saying about the experience, but I can't stand living like a soulless robot anymore either. I've been on a low dose of zoloft for many years and am not too concerned about that at the moment. In a perfect world, I'd like to be rid of that too, but it's low on the list of priorities since I tolerate it pretty well and may really need it. My number one concern is definitely adderall, so that's got to go, but over the years the docs have gradually added other meds - klonopin 0.50mg twice a day and ambien 5-10mg at night. I am not abusing these and am taking them as prescribed, but I really, really want to quit these too. I was so much better off without them as well. I quit klonopin by tapering several years ago without too much trouble and wasn't on it again until the last couple years. I know it can be rough though, and my experience this time might not be like the last one. I have no idea what I can expect with the ambien. Since klonopin and ambien are sedating, would it make sense in any way to quit these at the same time as adderall? I'm wondering if I might not need them or as much of either one (or both) if I stop adderall. I think the adderall and the klonopin/ambien kind of exist in a weird balance so I'm not too far up or down. Yes, very messed up, and unbelievable that even at relatively low doses they have affected my life the way they have! I do realize the idea that not needing one means not needing the others might be totally faulty, though, and it might be complete madness to even think about quitting more than one medication at a time. My doctor's advice on this is useless since she seems to think this is all no big deal, and if for some reason I want to quit these meds I can just taper off of everything in a matter of weeks and go on my merry way. I think we all know that is not going to go down that way! Does anyone have experience quitting adderall, benzos, and sleeping pills? If so, how did you do it and in what order? Any advice would be appreciated. So would encouragement as I prepare to embark on the adderall quit. That at least has to go, and I won't jeopardize that by being over-eager and trying to do too much at once. Unless all at once is the way to go for some reason...

I'm getting ready to quit too. Excited and scared to death as I'm sure you are, and still working on logistics since I have a lot going on that probably won't make a cold turkey quit possible at the moment. Part of the reason I know I have to is because of the toll it has taken on my relationships, and I totally understand the feeling that it's "stolen your soul." My husband knew before we got married that I was taking adderall but neither one of us thought it was a problem. As my dose was increased and time went on I realized it was a huge problem in so, so many ways, including how it influenced the way I relate to him. It makes me sad to think now that the months we were dating and the first year and a half of our marriage is like a blur now, and I have been emotionally unavailable a lot. Either numb or very irritable! I have been critical, obsessing about the dumbest things, and very moody in a way I never was before. It the ups and downs of the drug. I'm fine - high really - one minute and then angry, depressed and a complete bitch five minutes later. This is not me. I told him today I wish he had known me before adderall. It think he understands now that I have to quit and is very willing to help, but I know it will be hard on both of us. It's the best thing I can do for the relationship though. I'm assuming your fiancee is a decent and kind person or you wouldn't be with him. I hope you will be able to have his support as you quit and that you can go into your marriage free of adderall and bask in the joys of the early months and years together that were stolen from me. It will be so worth it! I know because I sense what I missed and how much better it could have been. I have to believe when I quit my husband and I will enjoy a whole new kind of life together too. I'd say find some support, ideally your fiancee, but a friend or family member who understands this stuff so you won't be alone in this, and then let's both do this!!!

This is difficult. I am determined to do this but still on the fence about when. Something happened at work yesterday though that drove home again the idea that I simply cannot be without a functional brain while doing this kind of work. Had I been crashing and in a mental fog the consequences could have been bad. So for now I am unsure about the timing of this, but it has to be the end of the semester at the latest. There are no excuses then. For now, however, I see no need to take any more than 15mg. 20mg down to 15mg seems to make no real difference. 10 is when I start having problems. All I know is today I am only taking 15. One day at a time is all I can do at the moment. Too much craziness still going on. Thanks again for all your help. I'm so happy for you guys that you made it off. It gives us all hope!

Just to be clear, you guys don't think I could accomplish this over spring break? Even if I took a couple extra days off in addition? I know it's going to be quite unpleasant, but it sounds like some of you quit cold turkey while keeping up with work and family obligations. Not that it was easy at all. I'm just so eager to get rid of adderall. I might also be afraid of losing my resolve if I wait too much longer. A big part of me wants to flush all my pills now and tell my doctor that's it and just deal with it, whatever happens. Is that totally naive?

I see the wisdom in waiting until the semester is over. I want to do it now so badly. I am so sick of this drug and want it gone now, but that might not be feasible given what I have to keep up with. I take it that's what you guys are saying. I have already talked to my husband about setting a date. He knows what we could be in for. I will try to get as much done before so I really can be useless for a while. I did tell my doctor via email that I have to get off of this, and when I see her next month I will tell her exactly why. I do plan to set things up so that once I reach my quit date I have no way to get any more adderall. It will be gone for good come hell or high water. That is my high stakes, quit-once. I have already told my sister and my best friend that I plan to quit so I have multiple people to provide accountability. We are all somewhat experienced professionally or personally in addiction and rehab so we all know what to look for when a person is playing games, and I told them to call me out if they ever need to and to keep an eye out for any crap. But when it's gone, it will be gone, so there really will be nothing else I can do. I will have everything in place so adderall is no longer an option. Period. No matter how much I might want to go back. It will be over.

I posted several weeks ago about tapering. Yup. Tried that. It's brutal because you just can't stop thinking about the pills you could be taking. I've also had some serious scary life events going on that probably have not made it the best time to try to quit. In any case I don't think a drawn out taper is going to work for me, just as it hasn't for many of you apparently. I am back at my original dose of 20mg in divided doses throughout the day. Some days I even take 25 or 30mg, which is more than prescribed. I am desperately ready to be off this crap and am even excited about the challenge. Definitely looking forward to getting my old self back with all the depth of feelings and passions and connection to others, etc. I could use some advice on how and when to do this. Here's the situation: I am a college instructor and a psychologist. I have come to depend on adderall to be "on" when I teach and during sessions. I am terrified of being brain-dead and unable to work while I'm adjusting to life without adderall since my work takes so much mental energy and focus. I have to be at least somewhat clear-headed or there could be serious consequences. I do not have ADHD and used to be able to do these things just fine without adderall (it was prescribed for fatigue, which I now believe was more related to thyroid and adrenal problems, which the adderall has NOT helped with in the least!). The other issue is that this is an unusually stressful season since a few of my pets have faced serious medical problems. They are all older now and have required a lot of extra care including daily medical care at home. Three of the four likely won't live more than a year or two. I have been so stressed out trying to manage their situations and even help the vets figure out what was wrong with one of them in the first place. It was a huge diagnostic headache and still has not been totally resolved. I have really needed my mind to be sharp. Things have calmed down now. Everyone is semi-stable for the moment, but that could change any time. Needless to say all of this has been emotionally very difficult - well, to the extent the adderall allows me to feel real feelings. Emotions aside, needing to be able to keep up with their care and figure out what they need when certain symptoms appear is another reason I'm terrified of being in a total mental fog. They really could die if I miss something or mess something up, and I don't have much capable help from others in taking care of them. I have to be on top of everything. What would I do if quitting totally paralyzes my brain? On the other hand, if I do only have a year or two with them I do NOT want to spend it tweaked out on adderall and going through the motions like a robot. I want to be able to love them more deeply and even be able to grieve. I also think that putting off quitting until I say goodbye to all three of them is not fair to me. I can't be on this stuff another year or more while I wait for a dog and two cats to die. There probably will be various medical crises with them in the near future, but do I seriously postpone quitting for that long and because of these situations? I guess I will just have to deal with whatever comes up without adderall. I'm hoping I will even have more quality time with them off adderall because right now pretty much all I do is treat their medical conditions. I feel so detached and unable to just enjoy being with them. I know that's the adderall and I hate it! Here's my question: Assuming I need to quit cold turkey or at least do a rapid step down, I'm wondering about how I might make use of school breaks coming up. I will have ten days for spring break (including weekends) starting one week from tomorrow. I feel like I should make use of this and either quit then or drop down to 10mg and tell my doctor so that's all she gives me. I did already tell her I was planning to quit. I need to be able to at least function when I go back to school after break though. Is that even possible after only ten days clean? The other option is to wait until the end of the semester (beginning of May) to quit - or reduce my dose over spring break to 10mg and then drop that last 10 at the end of the semester when I will be able to crash for a little longer and won't be doing work that involves my mind so much. I know stepping down over spring break and staying on a reduced dose to finish the semester is more risky for relapse, maybe too risky, but again I'm terrified of not being able to function the rest of the semester after spring break. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as I think, though. Maybe the worst would be over after 10 days of withdrawal over spring break. I really do want this over. I can almost feel the relief I know I would experience when the pills are gone for good and come what may, I have none left. It might be a really rough season, but having them totally out of my life would be a huge burden lifted. What do you guys think?

Thanks for all the replies!!! I don't know how I missed these. Actually, I do. Life got pretty crazy. We are on a really bad streak with veterinary emergencies lately. One dog and three and cats, and they are all getting older. A few of them have been sick with various conditions, some very critical, some more chronic, but they all have demanded a tremendous amount of extra attention. SO...it was the perfect reason to go back up from 15mg to my original dose of 20mg (and then some at times). Of course. When things calmed down a bit a few weeks ago I spent another week back down at 15, but somehow I'm back up at 20-30 again. I think it's becoming pretty clear I won't be one of the people who can taper. It takes too long, and there will be way too many opportunities to relapse. I also am trying to figure out the right time to quit, and this time cold turkey. It probably really wasn't a good time to make any changes the last few months with so much going on causing so much stress and anxiety, way more than normal due to life circumstances. On the other hand, I do know there is never a "right" time exactly. I'm going to start a new post specifically asking for advice on planning how and when. Thanks again for all the support so far!

Thank you, Liltex41!!!

I ended up going back up to 15mg yesterday. I had a couple fleeting thoughts about taking more and going back to my original dose since I was so miserable and had maybe rushed the process, but I stood firm. I may hang out here for a bit longer before I drop again. I would just like to know if anyone has had any success with anything like a 100%-75%-50%-25%-0 taper. If so, how fast did you go and what was it like? I really don't want to do the 10% thing and take forever with this. I do see that many here are saying it might be better just to bite the bullet, go cold turkey and not draw this out. I think I'm ok, not optimal, but I can at least function at 75% (15mg). Just not sure where to go from here and when. I have let a few people know I'm doing this though and that I might need their help, so there are they for accountability. At least that's good. This is really scary stuff, though, the more I read on here. I am so excited though reading all the success stories. You guys have fought hard. It's no small feat what many of you have accomplished. You have my deepest respect!

Hi! I'm new here. I can fill everyone in later with my long pathetic story about how I got here and what Adderall has done to me, but long story short, it recently hit me more clearly than ever that I have to be rid of this stuff for a number of reasons. I'm just trying to figure out the best way to do this. I don't think cold turkey is an option for me because I have to be able to function at work, etc. On the other hand I don't think a long slow taper is best either, because I know myself, and there will be too many opportunities over a long period of time to make exceptions for "special situations" and use an extra dose here and there and then totally relapse. So I was on 20mg a day (and occasionally a little more) in divided doses. I went down to 15 mg for one week and was really ok, but now I dropped again to 10mg. I was thinking I would do 15 for a week, 10 for a week, 5 for a week, and then be done. I knew it would likely not be easy at all. Surprisingly last week at 15 was not bad, but I am now on my third day at 10 and UGH!!! Yesterday and today I'm a total zombie - so tired, brain fog, no motivation, depressed and anxious, generally feel sick. I'm not always making sense when I talk and can't get much done. I am forgetful and am mostly just moping around trying to keep track of what I should be doing. Does anyone have any thoughts on whether this taper is appropriate? Should I go more slowly? I can't go faster or I won't be able to function at all. I will have some time off over the holidays since I work at a college, so maybe I could crash then??? In any case I do want this over as quickly as possible, but I do have people who can hold me accountable and even keep my pills for me if I opt to go a little slower so I won't be able to take more if I'm tempted to. I guess I'm wondering if this is just way too fast, if I should have held at 15mg for another week or so. Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you!

I've been that wife, especially on ritalin even more so than adderall, but the adderall has got to go too. I hate how it has affected my marriage. So your wife does not see that adderall plays any part in this or is not willing to admit it?