get a job fatso

[Zerokewl]

This is the advice my Dad gave me on his last visit. Loose some weight, get a better job, fix your car and stop living like dirtbag.   He also continued to tell me my business was stupid.  Needless to say it wasn't a great visit.

 

I'm not even sure where this came from. I had some set backs last year and had to borrow money from my parents. So I guess hes pissed about that. I'm not thrilled about it either. I'm working a part-time job and trying to start a business and wind one down.  

 

I'm trying but I'm dis organised.  With really no concept of how to get organized, I make lists. I don't really have a system.  I'm broke, I ran up a lot of debt on Adderall and poor financial management. 

 

My Dad in his fucked up way was trying to stir me to action. He's right, I eat food that makes me fat, I exercise occasionally.  I work, but I spend a lot of time procrastinating. Also I've been using weed to numb everything more and more.  

 

I haven't been on a date in 3 years.  I'm 38 years old and can't talk to women. I've always been a late bloomer but, I haven't gotten laid in so long I maybe a virgin again. 

 

I'm coming up on 3 years. I've made a lot of progress, and now I'm out of bed and doing stuff. But I'm encountering the issues I had that made me do adderall in the 1st place. 

 

I feel slow. When I recovered the world changed.  I'm old, slow and fat.  I can't keep up with the millennials. I need to be more efficient. adderall clearly isn't the answer, but what is? What actionable steps can I take to.

 

1) reduce brain fog

2) get more done

3) lose weight

4) talk to girls

[hyper_critical]

ZK - sorry to hear you're struggling. I don't know how much you're smoking, but stopping for a while should help with 1-3, if not all 4.

 

I honestly don't have a lot of answers for you, because I've been struggling with the same things, especially disorganization. If I didn't have personal and professional resources to fall back on, this would be causing significant problems in my life.

Going for a follow up session at the Hallowell Center on Saturday...hoping they'll have some non-Adderall answers. Will obv be happy to share.

[JCQ]

Hey Zerokewl! Today I registered specifically because of you. I've read your entries for yrs as I struggled quitting adderall. Your transparency has always encouraged me.

I know the "answer" you seek, but it may not be the answer you want.

First, know that as a self-employed photographer who struggles with motivation and depression that I understand your pain, intimately. I've also gained 30-50lbs of weight after quitting adderral.

The answer is Jesus. I cannot begin to tell you the hope, peace, strength and even miracles HE has brought to me. He even led a skinny, beautiful woman into my life who loves me even at the weight I'm at now with all my other defects.

In John 6:28-29 Jesus says that the "work" we must do to receive eternal life and to know God in a real, loving relationship is simply to "believe" in Him (Jesus).

Ask Him to save you from the pain you're experiencing and to reveal His power and love to you in a clear way. What else do you have left? What other options promise you what Jesus does?

I've prayed for you bro and I would love to talk more. I'm not perfect but Jesus has helped me me so much from the UFO-obsessed, insomniac, psycho-paganistic, paranoid, prideful, etc., person I used to be.

My website is www.jasonqualls.com

I hope this message serves you well and that you hear my heart and that you know I really do care because I know how dark things can get.

I'm sorry your Dad spoke so harshly to you. I really am. Jesus will never do that, ever.

[Zerokewl]

Thanks for responding . I really didn't mean for it to sound so negative. Some things are good, I live a pretty good life. I just want to take some actionable steps towards getting more organised. I can point to somethings that happened this year that were really really awesome. My part-time job is very low stress and makes me happy.

 

I accept the struggle. Just need to make some progress on a few things.  I just want to identify and conquer.  For example eating like crap makes me tired.  I just need to find that balance. 

[Zerokewl]

Thanks JCQ. I haven't been to church in many years, maybe its worth a shot.  

[JCQ]

Hey Zerokewl! Dude it's incredible to see how many things we have in common. I also started a part-time job this past year while self employed. I'm a photographer, but also graphic designer and a little/micro bit of coding. 

 

I often attempt to make lists and organize my life thinking it's the "key" to feeling happier. However, it never sustains. Then I struggle eating healthy and feel tired, etc. On Adderall I could eat anything and stay ripped, or starved and dried out like a bean. 

 

I appreciate your courage and boldness to be honest about the "negative" realities we face. This battle is savage. Life is tough on or off Adderall which absolutely sucks at times, actually often.

 

I finally began speaking with Jesus about this and I've asked (and continue asking) for honest, truthful answers about my life. Through His word (the bible) I'm discovering these answers, but they are not easy to hear.

 

For instance, when Jesus says, "For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it." (Matthew 16:25).  So I'm supposed to surrender my attempts to feel peace and meaning (Adderall, wife, job, organization, lists, etc.) to Jesus and then my life will begin making sense? Yes, this is really working.

 

I'm a desperate, needy person bro, and I cannot fix my life. But Jesus can and He is helping me overcome the darkest demons and fears I've ever known, all the while blessing me with needs that I tried over and over to meet, unsuccessfully. (i.e.  Instead of trying to eat better, I'm asking Him for His grace/power to help me eat better. Inexplainably, I am slowly beginning to desire to eat better.)

 

Just the other day my wife and I were walking up from a river and my shoes were muddy and drenched. She wanted to go get Mexican but we couldn't because my shoes looked like I had wrestled a frog-goblin. As we walked back to the car, I prayed and halfheartedly asked Jesus to provide me a pair of shoes. Literally there was a pair of old water shoes (dry and not muddy) randomly waiting by our car once we completely hiked back. I was stunned! The shoes fit me perfectly and there's no explanation how they ended up abandoned by our car. Well, there is an answer. Jesus answers prayers. Not always the way I would prefer, but He is faithful and good. I could tell you innumerable stories like this one that happened this past year.

 

I really hope I'm not writing too much. I'm amazed that I'm able to write so much off Adderall .

 

Maybe we could talk sometime over the phone if that's cool with you?

[Frank B]

I have all the problems except eating and working out. I've cut out carbs over the last couple days about a week and it was easy for me to do. I'm eating healthier working out but overall my drive and energy is still shit. It's like I'm doing everything a "healthy" person should do but I'm not seeing the gains one would expect. One thing is if I smoke pot I get really really tired im not anti-pot but I think if your on here loved adderall pot is probbably not a benficial self medication. Hope things get better for you and everyone else on here.

[quit-once]

ZK, I am going to throw out some rambling thoughts on your situation.  I read your post this morning so I have a little feedback for you. 

You are right that your dad is trying to spur you into action by pissing you off.  Sometimes that works well for some people.  Whenever somebody told me I could not do or be something it pissed me off enough to prove them wrong.  I think your dad means well and has your best interest in mind.

 

I don't have much advice regarding the weed.  I use it a few times a week without guilt.  I can take it or leave it.   If it helps you cope and keeps the depression away or at least gives you a temporary respite from reality then view it as medicine not a recreational drug.  If you are concerned that it is causing damage to your life or you feel an addiction to it developing, then back off the smoke for a while. 

 

Moving on to your list:

I think item number 3 is the cause of 1,2, and maybe 4, and it may be the cause of your underemployment, so your dad's advice is spot on.  Some people have medical conditions or metabolic issues that make it almost impossible to lose any weight.  If that is your case, I am very sorry for your situation.  If you are otherwise healthy and normal then losing weight should be your number one priority.  Give it the same level of importance you gave to quitting Adderall 3 years ago....like your life depends on it.  Join an online weight loss forum like fat secret or Adkins.  Set a goal and don't stop until you get there, no matter what.  And like HC said above, maybe you will need to reduce the weed in order to start losing weight.  I know that I consume at least 500 more calories per day just from mindless munching on the days I do smoke.   Regarding #4 whothefuckknows?  Starting friendships or relationships is something I will always struggle with for many reasons so I just keep a pet dog. 

The brain fog #1 is simply a component of depression so once you get your shit together that should cure itself.  Or you could try some fish oil mixed with Gingko which I just had amazing results with lately.   Use food as a motivator for item #2 - like your next meal or snack won't be possible until "whatever" gets done first.  Try the same tactic with sleep.  But always get enough sleep because lack of sleep makes more belly fat.

These are just a few things that have worked for me and I am just offering some friendly suggestions and I'm not "telling" you what or how to do things.

[AlwaysAwesome]

I fully endorse cutting out carbs.  No sugar, no wheat, no grains...and you have to MAKE yourself get up and move.  It is really hard when you are overweight to get motivated to do anything.  Cut out carbs for a few weeks and you will see the weight start to come off.  Then, add some exercise.  You can do this! 

 

I thought of you a couple of weeks ago because we share a love for orange tabby cats.  Our 18 year old orange tabby, Mr. Beans, took the final stroll into the woods and has not been seen since.  I feel a hole in my life that I never imagined the lack of a cat could cause.  Even the new puppy hasn't helped with the loss...

 

Sorry, I know that doesn't address your issues, but I want you to know that we all have our issues which we are working through.  It can be done and you can do it!!

[Zerokewl]

Thanks all I'm so glad I can vent here and organize my thoughts. My dad called and we talked about it. He isn't a bad dude, he just sorta makes people crazy. It wasn't a great visit. To be fair he said I need to lose more weight, I have lost some.  After quitting smoking and stims, I gained weight pretty normal.  I am fairly active, I just eat very poorly.      My part time job makes me happy and gives me structure so good. More importantly its low stress.  I'm doing some really good work with my business i takes a long time to do stuff. But I am doing stuff so that is progress and thats what matters. 

 

I really feel like the weed helps with some aspects of things especially depression.  I'm using edibles because smoking weed is too much like smoking.  Weed will be legal here soon so no big deal.  Moderation is key here.  Weed does help with the depression, and I've just wasted too many days in bed.  I feel like at some point I will just not need it as much, right now it helps. 

 

In terms of organization, I will always seem more disorganized then I actually am.  I do manage.  I need to implement and stick to a system. It seems like I start a new system every other week.   I am a creative type, so professionally people don't expect miracles. 

 

I'm almost at 3 years and well. I need to put together some objectives to lose some weight.  Actionable items and stick to it. 

[Frank B]

Why pot isn't legal everywhere by prescription if no prescription yet adderal is by prescription totally fucking insane. The world just sees what it wants nice little pills to make people "productive" but ruins their lives. No different then a cute McDonald's hamburger ad for a happy meal. You don't see a cow live a miserable life slaughtered for us who care less what the animal went through to feed us. Life's real fucked up in so many ways and on adderal never had to stop and think about it. We just take and destroy this planet along with everything in it. Man in need some pot now lol

[LILTEX41]

Hi Z,

 

Sorry to hear your dad was behaving like a jerk, but like others said I'm sure he was doing it to try and help you to his best ability.

 

Here's what I've noticed in my life.  My number one focus that helps me with everything else is exercise.  When I have a goal and then execute a plan to achieve it, everything else in my life falls into place.  My diet improves with exercise because it makes me conscious of what I am ingesting as I know I'll be needing the best food in order to train.  It sets my day off on the right foot and I feel more energized to get focused on everything else.  I saw a great video on youtube last week about running (see below).

 

 

It's pretty spot on.  My best encouragement to you would be to set a goal of some kind and give yourself 12 weeks to achieve it.  Keep a journal of tracking your success each day.  As you start working towards it, you'll see the momentum pick up.  Maybe you'll want to add a few more things to your plan as you start feeling more in shape and stronger.  I have a few ideas for you if you're interested.  Not sure where you are with cardio fitness, but these could be beginner plans that might help get the ball rolling.

 

1. Walking Plan: http://www.thewalkingsite.com/beginner_schedule.html

 2. http://www.halhigdon.com/training/50933/5K-Novice-Training-Program(there are a bunch of training programs on this site which are great)

 

I mention walking or running because all you need is a good pair of shoes and it's free!  Once you have a good base of cardio fitness, everything else gets easier to do.  The hardest part is just starting.  But once you get the ball rolling, it gets easier and easier.  I know you said the pot helps, but I'm a strong believer that it is actually what is holding you back.  Pot will slow you down and encourage sloth like behavior.  It doesn't do anything to help motivate you.  Do the action first and then the motivation will follow.  Those edibles are not your friend.  They are the enemy.  I've had them. I've smoked plenty of pot in my life.  It added nothing of value to my life.  If you want amazing energy, vitality, and to feel good, eat a plant based diet and load up on fruits and veggies.  Good nutrition is absolutely key and will give you all the amazing energy you need.  Once you start feeling better physically, everything else will fall into place.  I think this is your best line of attack - to get yourself healthy.  Here's an amazing story of a man that transformed his life at the age of 43.  

 

Just so you know, you have achieved something absolutely AMAZING.  You are 3 freaking years clean from adderall!!!!  That is fantastic.  I feel like you are ready to move into the next stage of your recovery.  I am cheering for you Z and proud of your accomplishment.  All the potential is within you.  Don't ever second guess yourself that you are not enough without that drug. The power is within you.  Just dig deep, grab your life by the horns, and go after anything and everything you want.  It will be there for you if you have the faith to believe in yourself that you can attain it.  

 

YOU GOT THIS!

[Zerokewl]

thanks Lil Tex I think it is time I cut back on the edibles. That needs to be a once in-a-while thing again.  I've become a junk food addict and that must change.  I'm going to start doing an hour of power thing tomorrow, do something every-morning that gets my blood moving.   

 

At close to 3 years I feel great. I'm out of bed and doing stuff I'm motivated. My energy is better and I'm making progress. If your reading this and thinking this guy still has problems. These are not Aderall issues these are just plain ole' life issues.

 

 My 3 year plan is going to be do the following 

 

    1) eat mindfully 

    2) spend at least one hour doing something physical.

    3) practice good sleeping habits. 

    4) take my new business to the next level and wind down the old one. 

 

Things are going well. I just need to tweak a few things. 

[LILTEX41]

Sounds like a great plan!  I definitely think you'll notice a huge difference after cutting out the junk food.  I've noticed amazing improvements in the way I feel from eating all the good shit.  I used to hate it when people would talk about how your palate changes once you start consuming healthy foods, but I am actually finally getting attached to healthy food and craving it.  I really never thought that would happen, but it did.  I am finally no longer wanting junk because I realize how bad that crap makes me feel.  Anyhow, glad you are doing well and cheers to what the future brings!

[Zerokewl]

Sounds like a great plan!  I definitely think you'll notice a huge difference after cutting out the junk food.  I've noticed amazing improvements in the way I feel from eating all the good shit.  I used to hate it when people would talk about how your palate changes once you start consuming healthy foods, but I am actually finally getting attached to healthy food and craving it.  I really never thought that would happen, but it did.  I am finally no longer wanting junk because I realize how bad that crap makes me feel.  Anyhow, glad you are doing well and cheers to what the future brings!

 

I'm also going to try reducing my meat intake.  I was raised in a rural area, so I grew up with a lot of meat.  Going to read up on this. Don't think I'll go Vegan any time soon.. I've really reduced my wheat intake, over the last few years.  Given I come from a region that has wheat on the licence plates.  Nothing is impossible. 

[t'smom]

Hey Zerokewl,

 

I found this advice from an Amazon book review and I share it with you:

 

1) Staying in a loving place with yourself requires ongoing maintenance and support.  You will do better if you limit contact with people who make you feel bad or doubt yourself and increase contact with those who make you feel stronger and happier.  (Or as George Burns said:  "Happiness is having a loving, caring, close-knit family... in another city."). 

 

2) Learning to love yourself (by practicing doing loving things and speaking to yourself kindly and compassionately) will eventually shift your beliefs. 

 

I guess that would include the things you are planning on doing: eating healthy, exercise, and getting enough sleep.

 

A book that was very helpful to me about changing habits is: "Better than Before" (Gretchen Rubin)

 

Good luck, and take care!