CGstrong Posted November 1, 2016 Report Share Posted November 1, 2016 Hey guys, So I have been lurking around here on the forums for about two years now. Long story short, I was prescribed stimulant medication for ADHD starting at about the age of 8. Ritalin I think. Then Concerta till I turned 15. Then Adderall XR 40 mg daily. When I turned 20 I was prescribed an additional 20mg IR to take in the afternoons, so now I am up to 60 mg daily and I am 24 now. Almost 25. My addiction is completely out of control and I don't know who to turn to. I tried getting off of this stuff once earlier this year, but after 120 days I could no longer bear waking up day in and day out and wanting nothing but food bed and TV. I had no interest in seeing friends, advancing my career or finding a girlfriend and I wanted the old me back. Or at least what was left of him. So I told myself I would start taking it again, but only as prescribed, never abusing it. Fast forward 3.5 months later to today and I am probably worse than before. No, certainly worse off. Binges last longer, doses are higher, pills run out earlier. When I was off them before, I just remember not caring at work, never wanting to play my guitar (something I once loved) and having no interest in socializing. Feeling depressed and constantly uncomfortable in my own skin even around my family who I know loves me. Its almost harder to try at this again now that I know the way it feels to be off of them. I am, what would be classically referred to as, hopelessly addicted at this point. Damned if I do damned if I don't. So my question is, to those who have some legit time off of this stuff, does it get better? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted November 1, 2016 Report Share Posted November 1, 2016 YES I remember being very scared at one point because I knew how bad it was and how addicted I was, but never thought I'd ever get off of it. I along with many others on this site are living proof it can be done. Is it easy in the beginning? Not so much, but it CAN be done and it is WORTH it. You are young and have so many years ahead that could be filled with joy, health, and happiness (long term happiness) if you are willing to quit taking this drug. It is a short term fix and there will never be enough of it. It is a crutch. Break free and learn how to walk/run on your own with no artificial stimulant. That or remain imprisoned to it. The choice is yours. I hope you find freedom eventually. All the best! 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubbagump99 Posted November 1, 2016 Report Share Posted November 1, 2016 I can tell you this- quitting cold turkey or let me rephrase- lol attempting to quit cold turkey was utter torture for me. I felt paralyzed- that was the only way I could really describe it. I was on 30mg for years but never abused it. I've only been off of it for over a month but I quit by tapering. Idk how anyone can just quit that shit cold turkey unless they literally have like 6-12 months of being able to do completely nothing. Only you can make the choice of what to do for you though. We can all give you advice and tell you what to do- But ultimately you're gonna do whatever the hell you want. The choice is yours and only yours. Only you can stop. Try going to a NA meeting. Read the NA book. I actually went to a few meetings to start just bc I was bored one night and it was literally down the street from my house- and I couldn't believe the things that were coming out of people's mouths. It was like they were reading my mind and feeling my feelings. I read part of the na book and my mind was blown away. Try it, you might learn something. It was a wake up call for me for sure. It's just not the way to live life. Good luck 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted November 1, 2016 Report Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm not where I want to be even yet but at a place I'd rather be. Looking back on adderall towards the end I was in awe of anything anybody did without addrerall. I felt like a pre-school child who got up and went to school all day without adderall was in fact was a stronger self willed individual than myself. I was looking at the world like Im a cheat a fraud all that I'm doing is fake and in a way it was. I looked back at my pre-adderall self like then I was superhuman forget all the glorious all night binges where I thought in my mind were mandatory. It was all fake and was tired of living this artificial life style. That is what really made me quit plus it wasnt doing much but making me a strung out junkie last couple years somehow functioning but my careless ways are costing me now money blown on stupid things never off adderall would I be so wreck less with my money. I wish you luck and cold turkey or step down can work just do it however you can. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted November 1, 2016 Report Share Posted November 1, 2016 Yes - you will be pretty much useless for a while when you quit... but there is definitely hope on the other side. At almost one year clean, I am finally getting an increase in energy and motivation that I thought would NEVER come. I was pretty useless for a long time after quitting. But you just have to get through it and know that it does get better. Progress has been slow but steady. Every day is a little better than the last. Just think - the sooner you quit, the sooner you get back to being your true self, and back to being happy without depending on pills and without planning your whole life around pills. The longer you stay on the pills, the longer you're putting off a happy life. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted November 1, 2016 Report Share Posted November 1, 2016 I'm not where I want to be even yet but at a place I'd rather be. Looking back on adderall towards the end I was in awe of anything anybody did without addrerall. I felt like a per-school child who got up and went to school all day without adderall was in fact was a stronger self willed individual than myself. I was looking at the world like Im a cheat a fraud all that I'm doing is fake and in a way it was. I looked back at my pre-adderall self like then I was superhuman forget all the glorious all night binges where I thought in my mind were mandatory. It was all fake and was tired of living this artificial life style. That is what really made me quit plus it wasnt doing much but making me a strung out junkie last couple years somehow functioning but my careless ways are costing me now money blown on stupid things never off adderall would I be so wreck less with my money. I wish you luck and cold turkey or step down can work just do it however you can. Frank, I was pretty careless with my spending when I was on Adderall too. I bought a brand new F150 and two houses. Now I'm stuck in a job and a city I don't wanna be in. Paying for it now. Long term, I know I'll get my money back out of the houses, so I know I'll be alright there. But let's just say I likely wouldn't have made these decisions had I not been on Adderall at the time lol 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CGstrong Posted November 1, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2016 Thanks so much, ya'll are pretty awesome for the responses and encouragement. I feel like the pills are turning me into a fairly weird person for my coworkers to be around. I can barely even use them to be productive at my job at this point. The amount it takes to get me actually working nowadays makes me look wasted and then obsess over non-important things. Like reformatting my excel spreadsheets, or creating an elaborate way to organize my files into folders. I talked to my therapist (lol yes I see a shrink because I've become a total lunatic) and I told her that I am going to give the sober life another shot over Christmas break when I'll have some time to be a lazy turd and do nothing/eat everything. Also Frank/bluemoon - can definitely relate to the making crazy financial/life decisions on adderall. I once almost took out loans for grad school on a whim and got so close to where I actually flew out to orientation and was enrolled before I realized I had given it zero thought. Glad I was able to back out on that one. Can't say I completely regret any of the buy now, ask questions later plane tickets though... Thanks again guys, I almost feel cheesy saying it but you guys really are an inspiration to someone who wants to be free from the pills. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted November 2, 2016 Report Share Posted November 2, 2016 Yay! You can do this! Christmas is a good time to detox.. I had originally planned on quitting during Christmas last year, but then there was a weekend in November where I hadn't taken any pills on the Saturday or the Sunday, and I woke up on the Monday morning and thought to hell with it ... and I didn't take any pills that day (or ever again after that). Work sucked pretty bad that week, but I made it through. I will say I really struggled with Christmas parties and other holiday obligations for all of December. That was a SUPER rough month. But somehow I did it and here I am almost a year later! Finally starting to feel like myself again! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frank B Posted November 2, 2016 Report Share Posted November 2, 2016 Seeing a shrink is good. If you can blow off all the insanity this world creates and be perfectly fine with it all those are the crazy people. My God look at this freaking election makes me feel somewhat better you can be a complete lunatic and be president or a total liar either way it's crazy. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluemoon Posted November 2, 2016 Report Share Posted November 2, 2016 Seeing a shrink is good. If you can blow off all the insanity this world creates and be perfectly fine with it all those are the crazy people. My God look at this freaking election makes me feel somewhat better you can be a complete lunatic and be president or a total liar either way it's crazy. Haha yes Frank!! This election is a complete circus!! Makes me thankful to be Canadian right now. My goodness. Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once_Again_a_Dreamer Posted April 26, 2017 Report Share Posted April 26, 2017 That's so sad that even kids with ADD, prescribed this drug since childhood, can still end up getting addicted. Wow, your story was eye-opening for me. I have two sisters who were prescribed adderall since they were 7 or 8. My mom took their pills a few times and liked the feeling, then got her own script and gave me some pills when I was in college and I liked it, then got my own script. Two of us prescribed since childhood, two of us who could just fake symptoms as adults. I think of my older sister who's still on it, who doesn't really seem any better off after all these years, and wonder if she too struggles with the urge to take some extra pills every now and then, and with the fear of developing addiction. To a substance a doctor gave her when she was 8. I guess I thought people with obvious ADD just don't get addicted to this stuff like my mom and I did. They always say it doesn't make them feel good. Well, I'd never let my kids go on it. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Once_Again_a_Dreamer Posted April 26, 2017 Report Share Posted April 26, 2017 (Once I have kids. ;-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeanW Posted April 27, 2017 Report Share Posted April 27, 2017 I totally understand how daunting it seems and the feeling of damned if you damned if you don't. But as mentioned we're so young, im right there with you at 24, and even if it takes 2,3,4 years to get it back we won't even have reached 30 yet. And conquering a task like this will stick with you the rest your life and encourage you along with so many people that you can do anything you put mind to consistently. I really feel for you. I believe you can do it especially with help/support. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hyper_critical Posted April 27, 2017 Report Share Posted April 27, 2017 Yes. Got off it at 24, and I feel "full strength" now at 28 (nearly 29...yeesh). Probably been near/at this point for a couple years, it just hasn't "felt" like it. Came across this article the other day and loved it. Think it's something many of us struggle with after Adderall: https://startupbros.com/21-ways-overcome-impostor-syndrome/ 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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