Tyranny of the "Shoulds"

[Frank B]

Ive been reading a self help book that has been a good inspiration to get out of my "funk".

One section focuses on the destructive nature of the "Shoulds"

Quote:"Thinking with the shoulds is one of the most potent ways that human beings inadvertently turn up the volume of misery. This is a very common thought pattern, unfortunately, really never helps change the situation or to motivate people. Rather, it becomes a source of harsh self-criticism and greatly intensifies feelings of helplessness."

 

I found this section very in line with my thoughts and trying to change that way of thinking for myself.

 I should be more motivated off adderall what is wrong with me?

 vs

 I don't want to feel unmotivated coming off this powerful drug what can I do now to start changing things?

 

Anyways the book is called 'Managing Your Moods' by John D. Preston I picked a copy up at my local library. It's a good book if your like me and beat yourself down all the time but want to change.

[amh0624]

I "should" really check that out....I mean I know I really need to be reading more.... seriously though, have you read any of Brene Brown's books? She has a similar view point- main theme is quit trying to be the version of you you think you should be, and embrace who you are. The fatalistic flaw of the type A perfectionist...to always strive to be " " enough.., thin enough, smart enough, good looking enough.... Enough is enough!!! I am enough...says Brene..

[quit-once]

I always feel better when I work on shedding the shoulds.  The shoulds are merely empty and hollow wants.  Shed the shoulds for a lighter mental load.  Needs, on the other hand are a matter of necessity.  The person who quits speed just because they think they should will not have the level of success as somebody who truly believes they need to quit.