Hi Lil Tex- thank you so much for sharing! I've been following this forum among so many others on this site and it has been extremely helpful for me. I need to take the time to sit down and write my story, it's certainly a long one, but it basically involves the past 20 years, in which I have had some really hard times of struggle followed by years (8) of sobriety only to end up in struggle yet again! I'm currently in a period of struggle and adderall and alcohol is the current "demise" of my choice, though I've basically suffered over the years from everything from heroin/opiod addiction (15yrs clean of heroin) to food addiction/eating disorders to adderall addiction and even exercise addiction (although that was part and parcel to the eating disorder).
Without going into too much my main concern right now is that I have never been a big "drinker" and never really cared for alcohol- but this time around on adderall (which has been about 16 months) I've started drinking pretty regularly 4-5/days a week and about 2-4 drinks/day some day less. I believe I started using alcohol to combat the edginess of the adderall. And this time around on adderall the doctor I seeing has ansolutely no problem raising my dose, and has prescribed 30mg 2/day. I absolutely do not want to go down this road anymore as I already know where it leads and is completely unsustainable.
I know I can quit- I've done it several times before, but this time I just keep relapsing. Things happen and I'll rationalize that in x days or x weeks I'll get through this situation and then be able to stop...you know how this goes! On and on the merry go round we addicts go.
I think for me, ultimatums are generally the best way to snap out of the vicious cycle, and right now my ultimatum I fear is that I am doing severe harm to my liver. I am so scared to get blood work, but know that I really need to take care of myself and my health, not just for me but for my husband and kids. (Aged 8 & 11). At the same time I'm also worried that if the results come back ok and show my liver function is good, I'll not stop and continue using because my brain will talk me into it!!! And there's the hilarity of this situation-and just how crazy your mind becomes when it's addicted. I
My main question beyond simply sharing this and seeking support from those here in recovery or attempting recovery, is this:
1. How many years did you take adderall and drink heavily?
AND
2. When you finally quit did have your liver/kidneys checked?
Thank you to all for being here on this forum, reading these posts, and contributing. It really means so much to have a place to talk about these se in confiden. and with those who truly understand...so can't say thank you enough. I hope to