Tried Many Times to Quit

[NaterS]

Hi everyone. 

 

   I'm new to these forums, but not new to trying to quit adderall. I'm 22 years old have have been on adderall for 5 years. I took it to help with ADD and initially I thought it really helped. I was actually able to focus on homework and my job and really feel confident in myself. Like all of you know it eventually becomes a curse. Any sort of job I have is traumatic without adderall and is the main reason I keep taking it. I've taken it long enough that the days I don't, I'm so depressed and low on energy to even shower and go anywhere. I can't seem to do anything without the medication and really want off of it. The longest I've ever been able to go without adderall is a week before I am too depressed and lifeless that I feel the need to relapse, usually because of work or piled up chores. I've tried to get by only using adderall situationally but as you all know this always leads to taking it regularly again. 

     Recently I went 5 days without taking it (which is the longest I've gone in a LONG time) and it was more or less do'able until today when I had to work. About an hour and a half in I experienced extreme anxiety and incompetence and just couldn't bare it. Reluctantly I ended up taking the smallest dose I could to make it through the day. I was so sad and felt like this whole week suffering through withdrawals was for nothing.

    This cycle needs to end. For those of you who quit adderall successfully, what helped? I have a loving family but they don't understand this struggle I'm going through. Every attempt to quit is failed when I feel overwhelming hopelessness during withdrawal and feel like I have no choice but to take a small dose. I'm getting set up with a therapist that I want to see once a day until the most severe withdrawal effects are over. Other than that I have no clue how to go about this the right way...

 

   Please anyone, help me beat this. I can't afford to keep losing this battle.

[duffman]

So there are people who come to these forums with a sort of defensive stance on Adderall where they admit it's becoming a problem but aren't truly ready to give it up. They'll suggest trying to take a "controlled, moderate dose, you know, as prescribed" or "I'll just take it as needed", but as you have (rightfully) stated, that just doesn't work, at least for not any meaningful amount of time. I tried the "I'll just take it AS NEEDED approach!", but then I'll have an interview where I'll think "Okay, this is definitely a time where I'm going to take Adderall". Then the first day comes up, "Well, I need to make a good first impression! *Takes Adderall*". Second week comes up, "They're starting to give me more responsibilities, better take an Adderall so I can keep up with the pace", and right back down the path of 'taking mega doses and running out early' I go. 

You're ripe for the quittin', now you're just needing a plan of escape. Sounds like you have a mixed support system at home. They're probably willing to show you unconditional support for whatever you do, but may not be able to relate to what you're going through. That's where these forums come in. We get it. That's why I've been on here for almost two years. I went the cold turkey approach because I was still in school and I could sort of coast under the radar. I didn't have any real responsibilities besides exist in class, occasionally interact with people for an assignment, and answer a series of multiple choice questions for the exams. Working is a different story and you may want to ask some others about a tapering schedule where you gradually lower your dose over a series of weeks (sometimes months) till you eventually come off entirely. It'll be a softer landing and should allow you to keep working. 

Welcome aboard! This may be one of the toughest things you've ever had to do, but it's absolutely worth it. I've been off for 1 year and 8 months after using Adderall (and vyvanse.. and zenzedi.. and all variants of stimulants) for 1 year and abusing Adderall for 5 years. I was so far into addiction that I went into stimulant-induced psychosis. I'm doing great now. I still can't believe where I started and where I am now. I really.. REALLY.. thought I was a lost cause and I'd be on Adderall till my aorta would rupture from the extremely high blood pressure it gave me. You can do this!!

[stealthology]

I began adderall while in college at age 19 and didn't quit until age 30. I wanted to quit at around age 22-23. Don't let years in your prime be swept away by rationalizing your use.

Life is so much fuller off Adderall. Drastic reductions in anxiety, paranoia, stress. You'll genuinely care about relationships again. You'll get deep, restful sleep. Everyday life will just feel more enjoyable.

What helped me? The ketogenic diet. Low carb, high [healthy] fat. For a good overview, here's a new article out from PsychologyToday discussing the ketogenic diet and different psychiatric disorders including ADD:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/diagnosis-diet/201706/ketogenic-diets-psychiatric-disorders-new-2017-review

I understand most folks won't have the discipline to really follow through, but the energy, mental clarity, stabalization in mood/anxiety, increase in confidence/testosterone, etc are pretty massive. Google 'ketogenic diet increased energy mental clarity'.

 

[bluemoon]

Sounds like you want to quit and you're ready. The only way it will stick is if you get serious and cut off your supply. Tell your doctor you're abusing it and no longer ever want it prescribed to you, and get rid of your stash so that you don't have that option to take a pill when you "think" you need one. It isn't easy and there are going to be days where it really sucks!! But it is so worth it. 

[Greg]

6 hours ago, bluemoon said:

Sounds like you want to quit and you're ready. The only way it will stick is if you get serious and cut off your supply. Tell your doctor you're abusing it and no longer ever want it prescribed to you, and get rid of your stash so that you don't have that option to take a pill when you "think" you need one. It isn't easy and there are going to be days where it really sucks!! But it is so worth it. 

This is a tried and true formula that works. Having been on this site for six years and seen many people relapse and many people go on to stay clean for many years this method works the best. And has the most consensus as the best method from people who've successfully click . I would never been able to quit if my doctor didn't figure it out and cut off my supply.

[NaterS]

Hi everyone.

   It's been about 2 months since quitting adderall and its already been quite a journey. This is the farthest I have ever made it without adderall since it has been introduced into my life. It's been very rewarding at times and also very soul crushing at times. I'd have to say overall things have been more positive than negative.

   A desire to be more healthy is probably the driving reason behind me quitting. I cannot express how satisfying it is to be able to get in my bed at 10 or 11 pm and actually fall asleep and wake up at a decent time in the morning. It is also nice not looking like a pale zombie with baggy eyes. When I was on adderall, sleep wasn't always an option. If I had to up up early for anything while being on adderall I would either have to find an excuse to get out of it, or stay up the whole night. Now I am able to go to sleep at night knowing that I have to get up early to make it somewhere on time, and not have crazy anxiety over whether or not I'll have insomnia.

   Another huge positive about quitting adderall so far has been the ability to gain weight. I have always been a skinny dude with a desire to workout and get big and I have let adderall ruin that goal of mine for YEARS now. While I was on adderall my weight dropped pretty low and I found myself unable to keep my progress from working out so I eventually stopped working out all together because it just caused even more weight loss for me. Recently the past 2 weeks I have started going to the gym again and although I am unable to workout for very long, it is very rewarding to see muscle mass coming back already. I don't have to dread eating the calories I need or fear losing my progress. This reason is by far the biggest reason I despise the idea of ever getting back on adderall. It is quite hard to muster the energy to get to the gym most days, but I'm hoping this will get better with time. 

   I am still worried about what to do about my job, but for right now things are under control. I have moved down to only working 2 days a week and plan on working my way up to more. I am very fortunate to have no bills to pay right now, my car is paid off and my parents have agreed to let me live at home and recover. I am able to do my job on those days, but my mental stamina does run out quickly. Anything mentally demanding drains me out, and I'm hoping this too will get better with time.  

  I have yet to cut off my supply of adderall, but I would rather not tell the doctor I'm abusing adderall (I never really did abuse it by their definition). Although I currently am winning the battle against the desire to take adderall, it seems unwise to still have this bottle of adderall right here if I ever couldn't resist the urge.

  Now that I think about it, the fact that the bottle of adderall is STILL here proves that I'm not 100% committed to this..

 

Edit: Never mind the pills are gone, i just threw them in the trash where they belong.

 

Edited September 25, 2017 by NaterS

[quit-once]

Way to go!  You got this, NaterS.  It took me a few months to get rid of my pills too, but once I did, I never looked back.