Delayed withdrawal, coping mechanisms?

[LiberatedMind]

This may sound really odd, but ever since I had my last ingestion of Adderall (December 4th, 2017 OMFG it's been 6 weeks!!!) the first month was actually a breeze!!  After the first 4-5 days which were just like BLAH DAYS (literally just "existing" no desire to do shit), my moods and physical well-being IMPROVED drastically and quickly!!!  I was like "yay I am totally FREE!!!" and I felt so liberated on cloud 9 etc, even having very positive interactions with people I did not expect. 

However, in the last 2 weeks or so I have been feeling off, completely off.  I have had more than one interaction which made me think "damn, if only I was on Adderall this would go better", which is a DANGEROUS thought to have and made me feel HORRIBLE about myself and filled me with self-doubt.  On top of that, negative emotions and general states of energy depletion have increased.  I have had SEVERAL negative social interactions in the past couple of weeks, and the negative emotions I have been feeling have been really fucking intense.  In response to the energy depletion states as well as the general "downed mood", I have been taking some Sudafed which appears to help on the days I take it, making me awake and alert and even in an elevated mood but without the narcotic effects of Adderall.  The Sudafed also makes my workouts intense, really intense!!  I know that this is no long term solution, and it might be making it worse, I do not know.

But either way regardless, I feel like I am going through withdrawal NOW, my questions are 1) "What the hell?!"  -and- 2) "WHY?!"....

Does this happen to anyone else?  Is this normal???????????

I will tell you something, one of my BIGGEST challenges in life ever always was (and still is) overcoming my emotions and mental states, i.e. choosing to do something despite not feeling like it or have a clashing mental state.  I DO NOT WANT TO BE A SLAVE TO MY EMOTIONS AND MENTAL STATES!!!  I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

Now I am listening to this audiobook called "48 Laws of Power" and honestly it's purely a guidebook for psychopaths and to take advantage of people etc, which I have no intention of doing although this book is super interesting and I think it has some incredible life lessons in it in general, BUUUUTT one of the first things the author mentions is that the first step is to control your emotions, otherwise you literally cannot apply the laws.  And I was thinking "HOLY SHIT THAT'S LITERALLY MY BIGGEST LIFE CHALLENGE CONTROLLING MY EMOTIONS".

So while I am indeed being a bit tormented over the past two weeks, and I am feeling a bit frightened because I had several negative social interactions with some people, I am afraid that things will get worse and I am afraid that this weekend (where I will meet some new coworkers and spend all day with them) things will be bad because I had some bad interactions in the past few weeks, despite it being completely separate and I should have SOME control of what I exhibit and act like despite the way I may feel or not feel inside?????????????

I can do this.  If anybody has gone through this "delayed withdrawal" experience, I'd love to hear that I am not alone, and even if I am that's fine, at least maybe give me some advice?  Even if no advice, that's fine I still love you all, I just wanted to vent and unleash my mind and emotions out so it doesn't stay all bundled up inside waiting to explode in one huge nuclear bomb of emotions.  THANK YOU!!!!!!

[hyper_critical]

In meetings all day today. Quick note to tell you YES, this is totally normal, and a tricky part recovering from Adderall. 

Its not a straight line, especially early on. Hopefully some others will share their experience. 

[SleepyStupid]

as hyper_critical said, it is not a straight line. for the next year or so, you will go through cycles- you may have a great week, then the next week feels like shit. it's called PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), and it is known to be intermittent and can last for a while depending on your level of abuse.  

i think the key to riding these waves is to make the most of the good days, try to be a little productive / social, get to something on a to-do list. getting things done, even if it's just cleaning up your apartment, is in and of itself is rewarding. it's those rewarding feelings that you need to really remember and hang on to on the bad days- how good it felt to get something done or have a positive social interaction without Adderall.  recovery is a constant process of reminding yourself that you can be normal again.

 

2 hours ago, LiberatedMind said:

one of my BIGGEST challenges in life ever always was (and still is) overcoming my emotions and mental states, i.e. choosing to do something despite not feeling like it or have a clashing mental state.  I DO NOT WANT TO BE A SLAVE TO MY EMOTIONS AND MENTAL STATES!!!  I CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

i think most people have a problem with this to varying degrees- but i get it. it's a result of being too self-aware, constantly examining and questioning your mental states. that's not a bad thing necessarily- in fact it's a prerequisite for being a good writer, artist, musician etc.  i think maybe you're trying too hard to "overcome" these feelings, and especially for the first few months, you are not going to be very successful at it. you're fighting an uphill battle against brain chemistry, and the last thing you need right now is to get yourself into a cycle of trying too hard and feeling depressed about the results. but remember, it's not your fault, your brain is still readjusting.

six weeks is still very early- i promise that you will look back at this post in a few months and think "what a drama queen!" , we've all been through it (:  

 

[EricP]

Yes everything goes in waves! I am 6mo plus was feeling pretty good lately and just this week... Crash! Past two days I have been in a slump. 

As sleepystupid said "constantly examining and questioning your mental states" is one of the worst things I do and start mind fucking myself as to whats wrong with me.

I personally would stay away from alternatives like sudafed... Its just going to catch up to you and add to the ups and downs you are having. I tries a few things like that and did the same with coffee for a few weeks until I realized how much I was drinking and it was doing nothing for me except adding to my mental frustrations. Now down to a cup a day and my days and emotions have been more consistent. Going to cut back to Tea soon...

Good luck and keep posting! We all need each other!