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About EricP

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  1. huge step back at over a year clean

    As SleepyStupid said congrats on your progress! It is completely normal after giving up a miserable year of your life to give in & try it again. With all the progress I have made I still have wandering thoughts on how it would feel to try "just one", not happening! But still the thought enters my head on some bad days. It's a difficult journey and I know you can get thru it. You haven't been back on it for that long so you should be able to get back to where in your healing process very soon. Keep doing healthy things when you can. Eat healthy hike, bike, workout even a simple walk. It might take everything in you to do it but you'll be glad you did...
  2. 4 years clean - a recovery timeline

    Absolutely, and for me never really improved from quitting. Night vision issues and some depth perception problems. Reading glasses also however that is likely just age...
  3. My understanding is SSRI’s are much easier to get off of than SNRI’s... I’d also stay away from mood stabilizers or antipsychotics as those are very hard to quit. I tried Zoloft for awhile and honestly getting off it was easy because it seemed to make me more tired than I already was.
  4. Too chilling not to share

    True that, also in ways even worse after quitting in the first few weeks. I was in the dumps and with my mood on top of it people thought I was very sick.
  5. When will I feel again?

    Hello, What can I help you with?
  6. I am so sorry to hear your situation! I was in your shoes 3yrs ago and I can tell you you are feeling the worst of it now but things do improve! I can tell you that the drinking will become a huge setback in your healing. You body needs to heal right now and while the alcohol is likely the only vice you have to feel somewhat normal when your buzzed, it's effects on a healing brain are terrible. Alcohol is a depressant and with the depressing nature and sensitivity of your healing this will only compound the problem worse and worse day by day. Do whatever you can to stop drinking, if you need something to calm your nerves I'd go to cannabis before alcohol. Exercise is huge also however one step at a time!
  7. When will I feel again?

    When will I feel again? - Wow this is a great question. I can tell you I have had a really hard time with this since quitting Adderall. It seems like Adderall messes up our reward system so badly that we are to the point that without it we are desensitized. And with it we are just flooded with reward (when its working). I have been sober for 3yrs now and can still feel a slight disconnection from "feeling" the way I used to. Sadness is easier than joy and it at times can really take a lot to feel happy. It will get better for you especially after the 12-18mo mark. We are all different in our healing so you may recover faster or better than I did, but I can say I still have a bit of diminished connection in this area. I can say reducing stress, obligations and staying around positive people helps a lot.
  8. Trying to make it through PAW

    So sorry to hear your struggles. Many of us have been where you are. It does get better however the process is the biggest challenge I have ever faced... What med was your doc thinking as an alternative? Many here have used Wellbutrin however IMO it is a stimulant just not a too bad of one. It may be a half step to get on something like that. Caffeine feels like nothing to me still after quitting 3yrs so I'd not expect results from that... Otherwise eat healthy, sleep a full night and try to get air and exercise...
  9. Year Two Malaise

    No insight on when these things go away. Each of us have out own story and healing timeline. However what you shared really hits home. Social scenarios definitely bring on some unwelcome fatigue. The hiking may have also had something to do with it if you don't exercise regularly. I find anytime I take more than two weeks off of exercising when I go back to the gym it hits a pretty hard the next day.
  10. Year Two Malaise

    Hello Speedracer... I also have these types of symptoms, more around 16 months than now (3yrs) however I can tell you I still have days I fight the symptoms you describe. I am uncertain anymore if this is still symptoms of what adderall use did to my brain or if I was just predispositioned to have these symptoms which may have drawn me to Addy in the first place. Healthy eating, exercise and positive surroundings help a lot; negative thoughts seem to linger after quitting Addy for me. . We still need a little Ben and Jerrys once in awhile however it should be a weekly treat not a nightly necessity. I wish I have a magic answer but unfortunately all I can say we are all better off quitting Addy and slowly over time things do improve, just don't overthink the negative as it will bring you down longer. Take Care
  11. Starting the Journey

    Glad to hear you have a reliable source. I tried ordering from our of the country and got caught up in customs... I hear it does wonders for depression and mood... Hoping more cities allow it in CA soon so I can try it
  12. Starting the Journey

    Congratulations on your quest to quit adderall. I believe your supplement list is fairly accurate to help you however it will be a long road regardless. Prepare yourself for some awful days. It is really worth it once you make it toward the 1yr mark. What is your source for psilocybin? I have been very curious to try micro dosing however it only seems to be legal in very few cities...
  13. Alcohol

    Alcohol and Addy definitely have some correlation to each other... When I was on Addy I feel like it helped me perform during the day however when I would go home at night I would feel edgy with a touch of anxiety. Alcohol curbed that feeling and helped me sleep also; however my tolerance to Alcohol went up significantly. Also in social situations I would do both and with that combo I'd rarely feel drunk... Now having quit Addy I stopped drinking during the process for 6mo or so. I now still drink occasionally however I really watch myself. Usually a glass of wine with a nice steak etc. Only a couple times since I drank too much and still oddly I don't feel very drunk even when I drink too much however the hangover whatever high dose damage drinking does is simply not worth it!
  14. Quit quitting

    Gosh I feel for you... Even myself after 3yrs still have that lingering feeling of what would just one pill would feel like... The euphoria of Adderall has poisoned us all. Being sober now 3yrs besides an occasional drink; I look at my kids and their friends on how happy they are without a single substance having ever altered their minds. I often wish I knew what I know now when I was their age as I believe every substance is mind altering & has an additive effect in slowly altering our minds to dim a little more and more. When I first took Addy it was like wow, this is my life saver. This is how I should feel... And it did last quite a long time until it slowly didn't. I found I felt good but I literally became a little frozen. I began to be less productive and didn't know why, I'd up my dose and feel better and be productive but it was temporary. I started having crashes and some days just didn't feel well. I started having angry moments that were more of a rage than anger in a situation that had some justification for anger but I couldn't control how angry I got. Oddly I also recall not feeling the effects of getting drunk while I was using. I could drink a decent amount and hardly get a buzz... I first started cutting back drinking and started eating healthier & tried exercising but nothing helped this up and down unwell feeling I had. Then I cut Addy and wow was my world upside down... I think for me the combo of realizing what this made me feel like after years being on it and knowing the euphoria was running out, then getting off of it and seeing how it had full control of me; this was enough. Yes, I daydream about "one pill" but will never go back after all it put me thru! I think the sooner you can quit 100% the more likely that one day you will have your full happy self without medication.
  15. 15 months off adderall, 9 days on Wellbutrin

    So happy to hear you found something that helped! I didn't experience any luck with Wellbutrin however I can say I started it when I was likely not fully detoxed from Adderall and my anxiety was super high. I felt super jittery on it and couldn't keep taking it. It has been a common remedy for some and I hope its positive effects don't diminish for you. Keep posting your progress as it could help others in the future!