How do you fix the life Adderall broke?

[OnSomething]

I could really use some encouragement from people who have gotten their life together after quitting. If I continue using I’ll be dead, but figuring out how to fix what Adderall broke in my life (which is everything) is paralyzing me. What routines did you create? How did you transition back to life? I need hope.

[Greg]

Adderall broke everything in my life and there were quite a few things for me to fix. The first thing I focused on was sobriety at all costs. I also worked on getting over the incredible psychological dependency I had on it. It felt like I had to relearn how to do everything without relying on an Adderall to do it. I also had to get back into the workforce as Adderall had caused me to get fired from my job and I had built up a huge gap on my resume. I decided to go back to school to be in an environment that would set me up to go back into the workforce. I chose a school in Florida right by the beaches so I'd be in an extremely low pressure environment. Learning to study for exams and write papers etc without Adderall was an invaluable experience. Then I took a graduate assistant job in one of the departments (just answering phones, faxing and making photocopies). That gave me a lot more confidence I could handle working again without Adderall . Then I worked on explaining to friends and family that I had hurt and who saw me go down the drain what happened to me - I explained to them the mechanics of addiction and how it caused my neurotransmitters to get messed up so they could at least understand what happened to me. Eventually I started living a normal life again, had regained much more confidence in myself and regained more of friend and familys confidence in me. At the same time the physical after effects of PAWS kept dwindling away and there were less and less days where I felt horrible from my brain trying to recalibrate itself from not having the drug. 

Now that things are back to normal again, I always keep myself aware that if I take a single pill everything can come crashing down. That fear of losing everything I've rebuilt prevents me from ever considering taking it again. 

[Madd]

I'm only 3 months sober but when you realise that you cannot and will not ever be able to stick to a minimal prescribed dose EVER then the road to recovery can begin. 

Gregs comment above where he says that "one single pill will make everything come crashing down" is the absolute truth of truths. Us addicts CANNOT take one pill ever again without massive, massive consequences . There's no way to justify the use and when you understand that the journey back to your real self starts. 

Good luck !!!

[SleepyStupid]

i think the thing that's paralyzing you is trying to come up with a strategy to fix "everything". that's just not how it works. you can't fix everything at once, and even dwelling on the amount of everything can be very discouraging.

obviously the most important thing in the beginning is simply being able to live sober, but i'd say the next thing is just believing that everything can and will be fixed. you don't need to know the "how" just yet. as time passes, you will naturally regain a lot of your confidence and faculties and the path forward will become more and more clear.

belief is a powerful thing. it will keep you committed and positive when you need it the most- which is right now. if you can just get past the right-now part, i assure you the fixing part will seem a lot less intimidating (:

[LiberatedMind]

On 4/17/2018 at 11:13 PM, Greg said:

Adderall broke everything in my life and there were quite a few things for me to fix. The first thing I focused on was sobriety at all costs. I also worked on getting over the incredible psychological dependency I had on it. It felt like I had to relearn how to do everything without relying on an Adderall to do it. I also had to get back into the workforce as Adderall had caused me to get fired from my job and I had built up a huge gap on my resume. I decided to go back to school to be in an environment that would set me up to go back into the workforce. I chose a school in Florida right by the beaches so I'd be in an extremely low pressure environment. Learning to study for exams and write papers etc without Adderall was an invaluable experience. Then I took a graduate assistant job in one of the departments (just answering phones, faxing and making photocopies). That gave me a lot more confidence I could handle working again without Adderall . Then I worked on explaining to friends and family that I had hurt and who saw me go down the drain what happened to me - I explained to them the mechanics of addiction and how it caused my neurotransmitters to get messed up so they could at least understand what happened to me. Eventually I started living a normal life again, had regained much more confidence in myself and regained more of friend and familys confidence in me. At the same time the physical after effects of PAWS kept dwindling away and there were less and less days where I felt horrible from my brain trying to recalibrate itself from not having the drug. 

Now that things are back to normal again, I always keep myself aware that if I take a single pill everything can come crashing down. That fear of losing everything I've rebuilt prevents me from ever considering taking it again. 

How long have you been sober and clean now?  Is everything back to normal?

[Danquit]

You just have to get through one day at a time and things will eventually work out. Don’t try to fix everything in the beginning. Just survive. I basically did the bare minimum at work to not get fired and now two years out, I am finally starting to get some natural ambition and motivation back. I am still paying back debts that I incurred while I was in Adderall so I guess that is fixing things that Adderall broke. The most important thing is to stay off of Adderall, there is nothing else in the beginning, over time, your natural drive will come back and that’s when you can start to fix the relationships, career, physical, financial stuff that Adderall broke. It takes time, a whole lot of time but it’s completely worth it.

[Meganelizabeth]

It’s my first time back on here in a while and that is a good thing. I have been off adderall for close to a year now and while it is very scary at first, but  your brain will go back to normal, you just have to get through the first couple weeks of discomfort I promise it is worth it. I know you have to see it for yourself to believe it and I know I could relapse. You should read and educate yourself on how dangerous it is, that’s what helped me stay off of it. Best of luck

[LILTEX41]

On 4/17/2018 at 10:42 PM, OnSomething said:

 If I continue using I’ll be dead, but figuring out how to fix what Adderall broke in my life (which is everything) is paralyzing me. What routines did you create? How did you transition back to life? I need hope.

"If I continue using, I'll be dead."  This is extremely serious.  You need to do whatever it takes to stop and stay stopped. Give yourself 1 year of doing the bare minimum.  Take as much stress out of your life as possible and make it the easiest year of your life. If that means dropping out of school for a year, taking a less stressful job, selling stuff, moving to a smaller place, moving in with your parents, or whatever you need to do to be financially ok for 1 year, then do it.  Get a chill job at a golf course or recreation center.  Just something easy and manageable.  Watch movies, get outside and exercise outdoors.  Sleep.  Get TONS of sleep.  Get rid of anything that triggers your use.  Yes, creating new routines is an excellent idea.  Do the opposite of whatever you were doing in your adderall life to build new neural pathways in your brain so it starts deactivating all your old habits associated with adderall.  Manage whatever tasks or things you have to do in small chunks.  Just set small goals and reward yourself for achieving them without adderall.  Go for a swim, hike, bike ride, grab coffee, see a movie, find a book in a book store and sit for hours reading, go see a concert, or camp out under the stars one night in your backyard.  Do the kind of fun stuff you probably haven't done in years because of this drug and learn to enjoy these things again.  Give yourself 1 year to allow your brain to heal and get yourself back into a positive happy place in life again.  I promise you it's worth it.  You're worth it.  Don't give up!

 

<3 LT

[Cheeri0]

Hey @OnSomething, have you ever thought about Narcotics Anonymous? It's a big part of my recovery... I usually try not to peddle it here because it's NOT the only way to get/stay clean, but your particular posts make me think it might be a good option for you. If you're really feeling hopeless, there's nothing like walking into a room full of people whose lives were worse than yours and are now living successfully/beautifully to fill you with hope. A lot of adderall addicts separate themselves from NA meetings because there are relatively few of us who go (depending on your area). Where I live, I'd guess the fellowship is about 70 percent opiate addicts, 15 percent coke, and 15 percent meth. So it's easy to feel "different" from everyone. But when you get to the core of people's issues, we're pretty much exactly the same. And more people have experience there with amphetamine withdrawal than you'd think. If you're looking for an instruction manual and some really personal attention from someone who understands, go to some meetings and try to sniff out a sponsor. It changed the game for me. 

[BeHereNow]

Everything everyone else already said.

One more thing though.  I went to AA for awhile and although it didn't stick, the "serenity prayer" has helped me through so many life situations (including and beyond substances.)  

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

I am not religious, but this little mantra reminds me that I need to draw boundaries between the things I can and cannot change.  I can't change the past.  I can't change or control other people.  But I can direct my own self and my own actions.  

Addiction is often linked to an attempt for control.  This is a very subtle aspect of it (but perhaps most pronounced with adderall.)  But paradoxically, even with substances like alcohol, benzos, opiates, etc., things that take us OUT of control, it's also associated with the desire (or perceived need) to escape.... a "pressure relief valve".... sometimes a relief from the frustration of inability to control.  

You have tons to hope for.   You can't fix the past, and you can't "fix" other people, but you can take huge steps towards a better future for yourself.

[OnSomething]

On 5/24/2018 at 6:30 PM, LILTEX41 said:

"If I continue using, I'll be dead."  This is extremely serious.  You need to do whatever it takes to stop and stay stopped. Give yourself 1 year of doing the bare minimum.  Take as much stress out of your life as possible and make it the easiest year of your life. If that means dropping out of school for a year, taking a less stressful job, selling stuff, moving to a smaller place, moving in with your parents, or whatever you need to do to be financially ok for 1 year, then do it.  Get a chill job at a golf course or recreation center.  Just something easy and manageable.  Watch movies, get outside and exercise outdoors.  Sleep.  Get TONS of sleep.  Get rid of anything that triggers your use.  Yes, creating new routines is an excellent idea.  Do the opposite of whatever you were doing in your adderall life to build new neural pathways in your brain so it starts deactivating all your old habits associated with adderall.  Manage whatever tasks or things you have to do in small chunks.  Just set small goals and reward yourself for achieving them without adderall.  Go for a swim, hike, bike ride, grab coffee, see a movie, find a book in a book store and sit for hours reading, go see a concert, or camp out under the stars one night in your backyard.  Do the kind of fun stuff you probably haven't done in years because of this drug and learn to enjoy these things again.  Give yourself 1 year to allow your brain to heal and get yourself back into a positive happy place in life again.  I promise you it's worth it.  You're worth it.  Don't give up!

 

<3 LT

This is so reassuring to read! Tonight I was out with friends and they were not taking me seriously when I brought up my recovery. I don't think people understand how much effort I'm giving to do the bare minimum and I guess it was a little embarrassing, so thank you for your kind words! I think that's super good advice to start the positive habits you'd like to have now. I'm trying to workout more, RELAX, and, like you said, basically do everything opposite of what I did on Adderall. Hope you're doing well!

[OnSomething]

On 5/24/2018 at 7:11 PM, Cheeri0 said:

Hey @OnSomething, have you ever thought about Narcotics Anonymous? It's a big part of my recovery... I usually try not to peddle it here because it's NOT the only way to get/stay clean, but your particular posts make me think it might be a good option for you. If you're really feeling hopeless, there's nothing like walking into a room full of people whose lives were worse than yours and are now living successfully/beautifully to fill you with hope. A lot of adderall addicts separate themselves from NA meetings because there are relatively few of us who go (depending on your area). Where I live, I'd guess the fellowship is about 70 percent opiate addicts, 15 percent coke, and 15 percent meth. So it's easy to feel "different" from everyone. But when you get to the core of people's issues, we're pretty much exactly the same. And more people have experience there with amphetamine withdrawal than you'd think. If you're looking for an instruction manual and some really personal attention from someone who understands, go to some meetings and try to sniff out a sponsor. It changed the game for me. 

Hey Cheeri0! I'm glad you brought that up! The night before I quit I bought an AA 12 step book and I don't really have an excuse for not trying NA because I know deep down I should. That's very encouraging to hear it's helped you. I only want to go through these withdrawals once so I know I have to stay clean, I think NA would be a lifeline for me

[hyper_critical]

Do early recovery "right" this time and you'll never have to do it again. There is zero risk of over-treating yourself early on. 

On 5/31/2018 at 3:06 AM, OnSomething said:

I only want to go through these withdrawals once