Anyone experienced lack of empathy and extreme hostility?

[Socially awkward]

I’m really hating the person I become when I don’t take Dexamphetamine. I can’t describe the lack of empathy and absolute anger and hatered I feel towards everything and everybody. This is the opposite of who I am when I’m using. I am spending a week interstate with family next week and I’m worried I’m going to say hurtful things to the very few people I have left who still care about me. I’m so anxious about this as I can’t seem to control the poison that flys out of my mouth at times. I can’t remember the person I was prior to becoming addicted to my adhd meds. I think I was also hurting and angry with the world back then but nowhere near as bad as I’ve become now. This side of me really disgusts me. Can anyone relate or offer any advice that might prevent me from acting this way? Thanks so much. I’m starting to feel I’m never going to be over this and losing hope a little. 

[quit-once]

It was the opposite for me.  While using, I was emotionally numb.  Sometimes I blurted things out that I later regretted, although most of the time I felt like I showed remarkable restraint.  After quitting, the anhedonia provided a cover for my emotions and I really didn't give a fuck about most things enough to say anything hurtful, or constructive, for that matter.

[Socially awkward]

For me this has absolutely been the worst side effect of withdrawal!  I hope it passes quickly. I can’t belive how much of a horrible person I’ve become. 

[EricP]

I still battle this at 1.5yrs. The anhedonia has passed at least to a manageable level however I still have little empathy and get anger rather easily. Almost like a switch that once someone triggers it I cant let go the rage I am feeling and until I have some solo downtime or sleep it off. Even if the person who anger me apologizes or works to make the situation right it just seems impossible to shake the anger and think clearly. Exercise and sleep are the only remedies I know of. 

[Misanthropissed]

Yes I became very irritable and agitated in early withdrawal. It gets better just power through it. 

[Socially awkward]

It seems to be getting worse not better. I’m only 7 days in and already 2 immediate family members have told me they don’t want to see me ever again. If I wasn’t over the other side of the country right now I think I would have already weakened and obtained another script. I have just been in the angriest mood. 

[SleepyStupid]

On 3/2/2019 at 1:48 AM, Socially awkward said:

I can’t describe the lack of empathy and absolute anger and hatered I feel towards everything and everybody.

are you by any chance hiding this recovery from your family? if so, they will certainly receive your anger without any compassion. i'm not saying it's an excuse to be an asshole, but some level of understanding from their end can mean the difference between an uncomfortable meeting and never speaking again.

for what it's worth, i think this anger is simply a reflection of the hate you feel towards yourself. i know that sounds kind of obvious, but what you do with that information is what matters. unfortunately, don't have any specific wisdom to share here, but i'm sure a therapist would have you confront that internal struggle in a way that helps you contain it.

most importantly - no matter how much it sucks, going back to dex is NOT the answer.

 

 

 

 

[DrewK15]

@Socially awkward you do not come across as an angry, hateful person when you are posting on these forums. I don’t think you hate us. We may just be randoms on the internet, but that means you don’t hate everything and everyone. You seem to be really troubled about how you are treating those around you, that in and of itself is a sign of the good in you. I hope you stay quit this time, you can do it and it’ll be so worth it.

[Socially awkward]

Well, I’ve made it to day 12. This anger and hostility has finally become a thing of the past and I actually feel somewhat “normal” for the first time in yrs! (And I like how normal feels I might say). I was also withdrawing from Lyrica which I abused heavily to come down from the Dex, which made that first week even more intolerable. I’ve since discovered that you are suppose to taper  off Lyrica as it’s pretty similar to taking benzos.  I even started to itch and pick at my skin during the come down phase and I felt dizzy and nauseas as all hell. A complete stranger even approached me at the airport and asked if I was ok as I looked so bad.

Day 7 was the worst for me, I was honestly ready to throw myself off a cliff when I posted that last message. All I wanted to do was fly home to Sydney to my drugs and make it all go away. Anyways it seemed to get a whole lot worse just before it got better! Day 8 I woke up no longer feeling like a sociopath and I apologised to my Dad and brother. I explained to them that I was taking medication which was causing me to withdraw and become hostile and they were very forgiving. My 2 sisters still won’t speak to me from an incident that happened last yr when I was also withdrawing and became a complete psychopath, told them I wished them both dead amongst other things. 

Thank you for all of your support @sleepystupid @DrewK15. I feel positive I’m going to be successful in this attempt as I’ve realised that this addiction will cost me my life if I continue on this path. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been scared I would die in the past 6 months and how I’ve managed to not sustain permanent damage is nothing short of a miracle! Xxx 

[SleepyStupid]

On 3/15/2019 at 2:08 PM, Socially awkward said:

I feel positive I’m going to be successful in this attempt as I’ve realised that this addiction will cost me my life if I continue on this path. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been scared I would die in the past 6 months and how I’ve managed to not sustain permanent damage is nothing short of a miracle! Xxx 

its unfortunate to admit, but fear for my life was the thing that really got me to quit. sounds like you're in the same place now, so i agree - this attempt will surely be the one that sticks (: