Relapse after 1.5 years clean

[addyaddy]

UGH. 2 days clean now after a 6 month relapse. I'm elated socially but miserable otherwise. My job (which I do really love) feels like a chore. I just want to go home and chain smoke until I fall asleep. I feel like a useless puddle. I know I can do this - I did do this. When I got sober, I was unemployed and just went to meetings all the time. Now, because of sobriety, I have a high-pressure job and school...the pressures got to be too much and I caved. I'm exhausted. Using is not an option anymore. I forgot how hellish early recovery is. Please send good vibes 

 

edit: just fell asleep at my desk. dead.

[LILTEX41]

Hi Sleepy.  Sending you LOTS of good vibes. (((hugs))))  As much as I hated I coming back here to admit I relapsed, I am just so happy to have so many of you still around. What I love about Smart Recovery is that they never say you are back to day 1.  I have decided I am simply starting back to where I left off from a lifetime of on/off sobriety.  I counted all mine up from the time I was 18 because it seemed kind of silly starting from 14 and came up with 7 years and 5 months.  This was pretty helpful because it made me realize I spent about 14.5 years drinking/using.  That was a comforting thought because it made me realize that my brain is 2x as wired for drugs/alcohol as it is for sobriety if that makes sense.  I think until I have spent more of my adult life sober than using, then maybe it won't be such a struggle.

Anyhow, hope you get grounded back in your recovery again quickly. Feel free to message me if you need to chat!  Glad you came back to the site.  

[LuLamb]

Hi Sleepy-I don’t think it so much matters that you relapsed as it does that you’re clean now and learned some important things from your time using. I’m glad you’re here. Try to be kind to yourself.