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fuck fuck fuck


dolssa

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Today, i was looking at old pictures of myself (don't recommend this) my body was bangin, i had a social life, I had e n e r g y, damn i miss that. I feel so hopeless, i am beginning to wonder if this hopeless is more or less than the hopeless i felt while coming down in my cycle. at least there was an up. :( I'm not having a good day. On top of that I found a fucking pill in my make up bag this morning. I literally haven't gotten out of my bed in a week. oh to take it and be able to feel alive again. I stared at it for an hour in my hand. Literally just stared at it. for an hour. Ended up flushing it in the end, bc having only one is pointless to take. I don't see how I am ever going to do this. My last pill was Nov. 11. Hoping its just a really really bad day. maybe I'll feel stronger tomorrow . doubt it. the only thing keeping me going, the only way I made it this far was telling myself to just not take any for 6 months as a tolerance break to see how I feel. I can't believe it takes longer than a YEAR to start feeling better again that is sooo discouraging. i took 20mg a day sometimes less. I made sure I ate and got sleep. Never binged. (ok ONCE i did at burning man but shhh) my life wasn't out of control on adderall, i just felt like a zombie. Now, i feel like a depressed zombie. I miss adderallll soooo muchhhhhhhhhh this isnt good :( 

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This part is hard because it’s good. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. After I got off adderall I gained a bunch of weight (plus got pregnant so my body was a mess). It sucked going through it. But once I started feeling better I got into the routine of going to the gym. I lost all the weight eventually and it was even better because I was actually healthy and not just skinny bc of a pill. Plus my blood pressure went from being high while on adderall to totally normal. Hang in there. It gets better! And since you were on a lower dose it probably won’t take as long

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@dolssahang in there. The fact that you flushed the pill speaks volumes.   The 3 month mark is hard because that’s when my body felt better, but the anhedonia really kicked in for me.  This will pass. You won’t feel the way you do today for the rest of the yr + 
 

I also think since you were only 20mg it may not take you as long as  to get through this part! You can do this! 

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