Quitting adderall during quarantine

[Brit]

I just joined this forum and looking for support. Here’s my journey! 
 

I’ve taken Adderall for over 10 years; I started at age 23 when my mom gave it to me to lose weight. She kept refilling my brother's old Adderall medication, even though he stopped taking it. Yes, my mother was my drug dealer.  I was diagnosed with ADD at age 7, but she decided not to medicate me then. So even though I was offended at the reason she gave it to me, I didn’t think I was abusing anything since I was diagnosed, right? 

Things were “great” for a few years, I did lose the 50lbs I gained post-college, applied for, and graduated from grad school, and moved multiple states growing my career.

Then about 6 years ago, my sober boyfriend (Heroin) stole my Adderall and started taking it. I quit right then and there so it wouldn’t be in the house. I remember the withdrawals being terrible, but so many other things were happening during this time that I didn't pay attention to how it affected me after the initial 3 weeks. Shortly after he stole my Adderall, he relapsed again on heroin, and I finally left him after countless rehabs and emotional abuse. I was incredibly depressed and withdrawn from the world for over a year after that. I did see a therapist, and that helped a lot, but I still didn’t think I had what it took to overcome everything by myself.

So I started retaking Adderall about 4 years ago because I thought I needed it to be functional again, I Iacked so much self-motivation. I did “successfully” re-enter the world with Adderall, advanced my career, and more importantly stayed single so I could break the terrible relationship patterns I’ve had since I was 16.

Shortly after, my mom’s supply was finally dwindling as she was no longer getting refills. I was worried about running out. I set out to legitimize my addiction, I found a doctor to give me a script in my new state. It was terrifying, and I felt like a total fraud, but I got it done. And then I used my old pink pills for weekends and going out. 

For the last year, I’ve felt that I couldn't physically take Adderall 7 days a week, my body told me I couldn’t handle it, and so usually 1-2 days a week I've been fucked bc of withdrawals.

I’ve wanted to officially quit because I didn’t want a drug to control me, but I didn’t know how I could manage the withdrawals full-time. I am a new director for a tech company, I have a side business, and I do improv 3-days a week. Always an excuse. 

Then COVID-19 came along, and I knew I’d never have another chance like this to be home for this long uninterrupted, so no more excuses. The first 2 weeks, I started tapering during workdays and went cold turkey on weekends. Then I got the coronavirus and couldn’t work anyways, that was April 30th, and I haven’t had a pill since then, and I plan to continue cold-turkey. 

I’m grateful that I was able to leverage this quarantine for my wellbeing. I finally feel better and kicked the worst of the withdrawals and higher spirits, yet still a little foggy, though. I am terrified of PAWs. I just want all of this to be over. It’s been a wild 10 years.

Before I started this journey, I didn’t think my addiction was the same as my ex’s, but it is... he couldn’t function without heroin, and I thought I couldn’t function without Adderall. 

[LuLamb]

My initial QUIT was sparked by illness as well. I think it is fantastic that you are taking advantage of the COVID19 "situation" to begin your journey of sobriety. It is so weird to really realize one truly has an addiction. Keep us posted!!!!! 

[Adderall OG]

I agree- this quarantine is a unique opportunity to get off adderall that we’ve never had before and might never get again. The world has literally stopped so what a great time to work on yourself. It will still be a long road to truly getting this monkey off your back, but getting through the difficult initial phases while you’re in quarantine is a great start. Regardless, once this is all over it is important to stay strong and keep your eye on the prize. You can do this!!

[tuneum]

do you mind if i ask how slow your taper was/how many weeks/months it has taken you?

[Brit]

6 minutes ago, tuneum said:

do you mind if i ask how slow your taper was/how many weeks/months it has taken you?

When I first started quitting adderall I tapered off 10-15% of my normal dosage when I had to work. I eyeballed it, didn’t use a scale. On days I didn’t have to work (weekends) I went cold turkey. This was recommendation of an article I found.  I felt fine doing it this way, no withdrawals that I could tell. After two weeks of 10-15% reduction, I started doing 15-20% reduction, but then came down with coronavirus and went cold turkey. From cold turkey it took about 20 days to feel semi-normal. I’m at 98 days since starting overall and 84 days since cold turkey, just still trying to figure out how to reclaim my energy and willpower. But I feel better overall