ashley6 Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hey....I've spent hours on this site for many months now. I'm so grateful for quittingadderal, because just hearing from all of you who truly understand gives me so much solace. I'm 27 and was prescribed adderall 5 years ago. I was on 30mg IR 2xday for about 4 years, then I had to switch doctors due to lack of insurance. My new doctor prescribed me 30 mg a day for a year and a half or so. I had a boyfriend of four years, was a student at a state university, and was basically a social butterfly. Things started to go downhill my last year of college (which I'm 3 courses away from finishing almost 3 years later). I really didn't see me as having an issue at that time. I look back now and realize how irrational and just spaced out I was. I pretty much neglected my relationship, because I already had the "friend" I wanted most, and my relationship ended. The fact that I had invested so much time in energy into school and my relationship and just threw it away is something I am only coming to terms with now....that's when I started taking waaaay more than prescribed. It's so accessible to me, so I've steadily increased my intake. I finally realized that the people and things around me weren't the problem, it was me....me on adderall. I became aware of this when my roommates, who have been immensely supportive, sat me down and told me I had a problem. They've seen me for short periods without my pills, so they know the "real" me. I started making some efforts to change after that, then I just kind of slipped back into denial mode with a life filled with adderall. The problem is denial or avoidance is much easier than facing the uphill battle that lies ahead....until reality hits. Three weeks ago or so ago, everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly started grieving what I've lost and what I will continue to lose if I don't give up the pills. I decided to make an appointment with my drug counselor immediately (whom I met with a year ago) and told her I think I needed to go to treatment. She said she was proud of me and proceeded to call the inpatient rehab in my area. I was at rehab getting an evaluation an hour later, and they suggested 5-8 days inpatient followed up by 3 weeks or so of outpatient treatment. I'm also prescribed klonopin .5mgx2/day. I never thought of klonopin as my issue, because I've taken it as prescribed for 5 years, but they said the inpatient is for the benzo withdrawal; otherwise, inpatient probably wouldn't be necessary. Treatment is $550 per day, because my insurance doesn't cover substance abuse treatment. I'm to the point now where I want this to be over with so badly and get the real me back, but I can't afford treatment on my own. I told my family about a year ago that I had an issue with adderall. They're aware of it, but over time I slowly just kind of distanced myself, so I wouldn't have to discuss it with them. I have a wonderful mother who loves me dearly but worries herself sick about me. My dad is very wealthy and could afford to pay for my treatment, but I'm SO terrified to ask. He loves me but has always been a "Disneyland dad," and I have a serious issue with wanting his approval so badly. My best option is to ask him to support me, but I'm so afraid of failing and letting my family down. It sounds so irrational and overdramatic as I type this. I'm at a crossroads now. I KNOW I can't continue using, but I don't feel strong enough to do it on my own. I want to have peace and happiness for the many blessings in my life. I want my sense of humor back. I want to FEEL again without relying on a pill to dictate my life. I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions as to where to go from here. I would flush the pills down the toilet and move on with my life, if I wasn't so terrified. It's like losing a best friend.......a best friend who I've let wreck my life and let take way too much from me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Hi Ashley! (((((Hugs))))))) I know this is difficult. I remember when my friend broke down my addiction for me over a phone convesation. She had been clean for a year and went through pill addiction as well. At first I didn't really believe her until she shared her experience. She went on to explain she was constantly chasing a high. She took a pill and as soon as it wore off she'd base her whole day around the next pill. She'd dump her pills out and constantly recount them to make sure she had enough and know when she was going to run out. She'd do crazy things like drive all across town, hours at times to get to a pharmacy, or doctor in order to get another script. She went on and on and the longer she talked the more reality set in that my problem was no longer just a little joke. I had a serious addiction and it was by far the most important thing in my life. NOBODY got in the way of me and my pills. If you think it is not that serious, just give yourself a few more years of it. Addiction never gets better in my experience. You could tell yourself it's not that bad and try to kick the habit on your own. I tried to do that several times. Adderall always found me again. It wasn't until I wound up in the emergency room for the 2nd time due to an adderall overdose that I finally accepted treatment as I knew it was awfully strange to be carted away in an ambulance not once but twice for the same type of incident. The first incident I was able to refer to as a freak accident. The docs messed up my pills. It wasn't my fault, etc. The second time I didn't have any excuses. I finally had to accept responsibility and admit my addiction for once and for all. I did not have the money. I was still paying for the last hospital bills, but I went anyway. They even sent me to a psychiatric unit because they didn't know if i was crazy or overdosed. From there they sent me to detox. I stayed there for a week. I then did outpatient for a couple months. I can promise you today that it was worth it. I've been fighting alcoholism and drugs for 20 years. I have a bachelors degree. I am successful. Because I never hit rock bottom I wavered in and out of sobriety. Treatment is what finally got me sober. I couldn't skirt around the issue anymore to my friends or family. Everyone knew I was in rehab and how could I get away with drinking/adderall again? It was totally worth the money. I have 16 months of sobriety today. I am free from drugs and alcohol and my life is really good. The question to ask yourself, how much is your life worth? Do you want to still be fighting this battle a couple years from now? How bad do you want help? It's a lot easier to do it surrounded by a supportive environment that it is on your own. At least to get you the initial recovery that you need. It seemed so silly to me at first, but looking back I am so thankful I did it. It sure as hell made me happy when I finally was free. Free enough to know I don't ever want to go back to rehab ever again and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen...and that is why I'm here on this website today. To reach out to people needing help for something I've overcome. I cannot believe I'm on the other end of this thing today, but just imagine you can be too! Imagine how awesome it will feel a year from now when you can come back here and help others! I will pray for you that the right answers will come to you. This is a big decision you have to make and only you know if you're ready for it or not. You don't have to make any decisions right away, but if you are worried and scared to death to lose your best friend adderall like I was, then you have already crossed a bridge to your recovery. You have admitted you have a problem. This is the first stage of your recovery. I remember crying uncontrollable upon coming to grips with my addiction. It was the most terrifying feeling I'd ever known. To feel so completely and utterly dependent upon a substance that was a stupid f-king orange pill...the fact I'd given up my life for it and yet to be so frightened for my life without it all at the same time....it is the worst feeling on earth. I never ever in a million years thought I could do it. I thought I'd take it till I'd die. Life without it seemed unbearable. IN reality that was my addiction talking. My addiction lies to me. It wants me dead. It wants me to be miserable. It is trying to kill me. CHOOSE LIFE today Ashley! You are so worth it my friend. There is a beautiful life waiting for you on the other side of this. This is one of my favorite quotes and I'll leave it at this: E.M. Forster We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. You can do this girl! I have faith in you! Godspeed Erin 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted March 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 Erin, I really, really appreciate your insight.....thanks for your advice! I was immediately in tears when I started reading your response (similar to your response when you realized you had a problem). I've tried to wish this addiction away for months now. I think saying and truly accepting that I'm an addict is one of the most difficult parts of this whole thing. Addiction isn't curable, only treatable, and I've always been one to like the quick fix, hence the adderall. You're doing a great thing by sharing your story, and I will be doing the same when I kick this thing! My counselor, who's in recovery herself, said that rehab is only the beginning. You have to continue to work on staying sober. I wanted to ask you, if you don't mind, if you have/ do attend AA or NA meetings. I've been to some, and I felt uncomfortable and just kind of out of place. I also wasn't sober for long, so it's possible that was the issue. I've been considering going again, and I wanted your opinion on it. I can't thank you enough! -Ashley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted March 15, 2012 Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 Ashley, This is the 3rd time I've tried to reply back to you and I pray I don't erase it again. Ugh! Ok, so first off so glad to hear back from you. Second, don't worry about what those AA/NA people tell you. Those programs are not the only way to get sober even the people in AA will tell you that. Ok, 4th time I just erased everything. I'm going to write and then send going forward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted March 15, 2012 Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 The book, Sober for Good by Anne Fletcher is awesome! I have met plenty of people who either a. do not drink or b. don't drink anymore. They don't go to meetings. They've been sober for over 10 years. They used to have a problem, so they quit and they know they can't drink. Period. I was under the assumption for so long that was not possible due to the jargon I was fed at AA. I do at times miss going to AA though just simply to be around other people that are in recovery. I guess that's why I came to the boards here the other day. I needed to talk to people who are in my situation. Ok, so there are also other programs! Hooray! Here's a list: SOS - Secular Organization for Sobriety RR - Rational Recovery WFS - Women For Sobriety Smart Recovery (my favorite/the one I am a member of today) - Self Management and Recovery Training http://www.smartrecovery.org/ When I went to rehab it was all 12 step based. I tried to overlook that part. It was tough. Outpatient was the same thing. I found myself getting annoyed at times. However, the good part about rehab was that it protected me and cemented my sobriety in my head. Basically, knowing I spent all that money, accepted help, and everyone around me knew I went...it just made it easier for me in the end. It helps me too whenever people try to casually get me to drink with them. If it's someone I am close to and I trust I know I can always be like, "Um, dude, I went to rehab. I can't drink." That usually shuts them up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted March 15, 2012 Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 Ok, so the other thing is that any time a counselor is an AA advocate they are going to be biased and believe their way is the only one that works. I've had a few counselors that were against AA. I spent so many years confused and somewhat a mess because of the entire situation. I'm telling you right now, you don't have to do that! Check out Stanton Peele's website. He's a great resource as well. http://www.peele.net/ you For me, I had to do all the homework I could and find the right path for me. What works for me may not work for someone else, you know what I mean? I just know that today no matter what, my first and foremost priority in life is my Sobriety. God is the only thing that comes before it. My family has been a wonderful source of support. I normally talk to my mom whenever I feel unsure about going to events or places where there will be alcohol. I know she is on my side and has my back. There are few people I trust today, but I know she's one of them and I am always so thankful I can turn to her. Ok, I gotta get going, but hope I've been of some sort of help today. Please let me know how you are doing and let me know if you ever want to talk! I'm always here if you need support! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted March 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 16, 2012 Erin, Your post made me feel much better! No one really knows until they've been through it, so thank you! I'm going to look into the information you gave me. You're the best! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 Ashley, I want to take back what I said about going to rehab. I don't think it's necessary to go to rehab to quit. If you have a high enough resolve and you are serious about quitting, you can do it! For me, it worked this time, but I did go to outpatient a long long time ago and it didn't then. I think it comes down to how bad you really want to stop. If you want to quit, you will. I promise you that! Just google how to quit drinking without AA and you'll get all kinds of feedback. Hope this helps! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quit-once Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Lil Texan, After reading your last post I re-read this entire discussion thread and I couldn't see where you advocated rehab as the ONLY way to quit and stay quit. You have tried many different programs and tactics with different levels of success. Whatever you did the last time worked the best FOR YOU. The wonderful thing about being here on this website is how it functions as a support network for everybody who has quit or is trying to quit taking adderall, no matter how they successfully quit or how they are planning to quit. Reading all of the stories of people who quit - what worked and what didn't work - helped me to formulate a plan of my own that has worked for me. The centerpiece of my plan is to avoid a relapse at all costs so that I only have to Quit- once. My biggest surprise and frustration is how long the recovery period takes to run its course. What I crave is reading the posts of people like you and others who are further along in their recovery process than myself. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 hey Ashley6 Before I read Lil Tex's post, I was actually going to say the same thing, just slightly differently. She said that you don't need to go to rehab if you have the willpower to do it on your own. I was going to say - If you find that you can't stay away from adderall on your own (if you believe this in your heart), then I strongly suggest you ask your dad to pay for it and go to rehab. You know, It's really the next best option. Of course its the way costlier option, but at least its another option available to you. There's no question, the rehab process (along with continued outpatient care and continuous NA/AA meetings) works. It's the current model for addiction recovery and has been so for years. Thousands upon thousands of addicts swear by it.. I was strongly encouraged to go to rehab by family and doctors the second time around, but I truly believed I'd be able to do this on my own. Since I'd been through it before, I knew what to expect from rehab, and I just KNEW deep down that I could do it without the assistance of rehab and outpatient care. I had hit my 'enough is enough' point, was exhausted from the fight to keep the addiction and I knew I was really ready to let the pills go for good this time around. Hang in there. So many of us know where you are rignt now and have been there. Later on, trust me, you'll be so grateful you finally decided to face this. And you'll be so much better for it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted March 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 I'm so thankful to hear from all of you! I understand how this site has helped so many people quit this evil drug. I've never wanted this so much before. I have gone days here and there without adderall many times. I've struggled on and off with minor to severe anxiety my entire life. The logic of why I would be prescribed adderall and klonopin on a daily basis for six years, with my psychiatrist's primary diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder, is something I will never understand. I don't blame them for my addiction, because I CHOSE to take more than prescribed. It's possible I would've been okay with my normal dosage (although, I don't believe so). I'm saying all of this because the fear of the panic attacks when not having those stupid orange pills around anymore, has taken a front seat, no matter how much I want to be sober. I literally feel like I can't breathe, my skin gets completely flushed, and I'm a walking panic attack. It usually subsides after a few days to a week, but those initial days are pure hell. The more I read about it here, it sounds like it's just my way of reacting to what everyone else feels when stopping. I've been a pessimist, worst-case scenario kind of thinker throughout most of this, but I'm learning that I have the power to change that. I have to remind myself I know I'm strong enough to do this, even if I'm fibbing to my brain a little bit. I've aced the negative, irrational thinking, so I need to focus on daily/ hourly/ minute-to-minute positive thinking. I can't thank you all enough. I only have a few more days of pills left, so ready or not... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greg Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Ashley, You will get through it. Please keep checking back with us especially during those initial first scary days. We are all here for you to see you through it.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Cool4School Posted March 27, 2012 Report Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hey....I've spent hours on this site for many months now. I'm so grateful for quittingadderal, because just hearing from all of you who truly understand gives me so much solace. I'm 27 and was prescribed adderall 5 years ago. I was on 30mg IR 2xday for about 4 years, then I had to switch doctors due to lack of insurance. My new doctor prescribed me 30 mg a day for a year and a half or so. I had a boyfriend of four years, was a student at a state university, and was basically a social butterfly. Things started to go downhill my last year of college (which I'm 3 courses away from finishing almost 3 years later). I really didn't see me as having an issue at that time. I look back now and realize how irrational and just spaced out I was. I pretty much neglected my relationship, because I already had the "friend" I wanted most, and my relationship ended. The fact that I had invested so much time in energy into school and my relationship and just threw it away is something I am only coming to terms with now....that's when I started taking waaaay more than prescribed. It's so accessible to me, so I've steadily increased my intake. I finally realized that the people and things around me weren't the problem, it was me....me on adderall. I became aware of this when my roommates, who have been immensely supportive, sat me down and told me I had a problem. They've seen me for short periods without my pills, so they know the "real" me. I started making some efforts to change after that, then I just kind of slipped back into denial mode with a life filled with adderall. The problem is denial or avoidance is much easier than facing the uphill battle that lies ahead....until reality hits. Three weeks ago or so ago, everything hit me like a ton of bricks. I suddenly started grieving what I've lost and what I will continue to lose if I don't give up the pills. I decided to make an appointment with my drug counselor immediately (whom I met with a year ago) and told her I think I needed to go to treatment. She said she was proud of me and proceeded to call the inpatient rehab in my area. I was at rehab getting an evaluation an hour later, and they suggested 5-8 days inpatient followed up by 3 weeks or so of outpatient treatment. I'm also prescribed klonopin .5mgx2/day. I never thought of klonopin as my issue, because I've taken it as prescribed for 5 years, but they said the inpatient is for the benzo withdrawal; otherwise, inpatient probably wouldn't be necessary. Treatment is $550 per day, because my insurance doesn't cover substance abuse treatment. I'm to the point now where I want this to be over with so badly and get the real me back, but I can't afford treatment on my own. I told my family about a year ago that I had an issue with adderall. They're aware of it, but over time I slowly just kind of distanced myself, so I wouldn't have to discuss it with them. I have a wonderful mother who loves me dearly but worries herself sick about me. My dad is very wealthy and could afford to pay for my treatment, but I'm SO terrified to ask. He loves me but has always been a "Disneyland dad," and I have a serious issue with wanting his approval so badly. My best option is to ask him to support me, but I'm so afraid of failing and letting my family down. It sounds so irrational and overdramatic as I type this. I'm at a crossroads now. I KNOW I can't continue using, but I don't feel strong enough to do it on my own. I want to have peace and happiness for the many blessings in my life. I want my sense of humor back. I want to FEEL again without relying on a pill to dictate my life. I would really appreciate any advice or suggestions as to where to go from here. I would flush the pills down the toilet and move on with my life, if I wasn't so terrified. It's like losing a best friend.......a best friend who I've let wreck my life and let take way too much from me. oh hunny, i've flushed my pills once! i understand just how you feel too. But after I flashed them, in a few months I was on them again. It is scary and I am so lost. I don't know which way to turn. Rehab is not an option for me right now,but i wish i wish I had that luxyry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2Cool4School Posted March 27, 2012 Report Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hi Ashley! (((((Hugs))))))) I know this is difficult. I remember when my friend broke down my addiction for me over a phone convesation. She had been clean for a year and went through pill addiction as well. At first I didn't really believe her until she shared her experience. She went on to explain she was constantly chasing a high. She took a pill and as soon as it wore off she'd base her whole day around the next pill. She'd dump her pills out and constantly recount them to make sure she had enough and know when she was going to run out. She'd do crazy things like drive all across town, hours at times to get to a pharmacy, or doctor in order to get another script. She went on and on and the longer she talked the more reality set in that my problem was no longer just a little joke. I had a serious addiction and it was by far the most important thing in my life. NOBODY got in the way of me and my pills. If you think it is not that serious, just give yourself a few more years of it. Addiction never gets better in my experience. You could tell yourself it's not that bad and try to kick the habit on your own. I tried to do that several times. Adderall always found me again. It wasn't until I wound up in the emergency room for the 2nd time due to an adderall overdose that I finally accepted treatment as I knew it was awfully strange to be carted away in an ambulance not once but twice for the same type of incident. The first incident I was able to refer to as a freak accident. The docs messed up my pills. It wasn't my fault, etc. The second time I didn't have any excuses. I finally had to accept responsibility and admit my addiction for once and for all. I did not have the money. I was still paying for the last hospital bills, but I went anyway. They even sent me to a psychiatric unit because they didn't know if i was crazy or overdosed. From there they sent me to detox. I stayed there for a week. I then did outpatient for a couple months. I can promise you today that it was worth it. I've been fighting alcoholism and drugs for 20 years. I have a bachelors degree. I am successful. Because I never hit rock bottom I wavered in and out of sobriety. Treatment is what finally got me sober. I couldn't skirt around the issue anymore to my friends or family. Everyone knew I was in rehab and how could I get away with drinking/adderall again? It was totally worth the money. I have 16 months of sobriety today. I am free from drugs and alcohol and my life is really good. The question to ask yourself, how much is your life worth? Do you want to still be fighting this battle a couple years from now? How bad do you want help? It's a lot easier to do it surrounded by a supportive environment that it is on your own. At least to get you the initial recovery that you need. It seemed so silly to me at first, but looking back I am so thankful I did it. It sure as hell made me happy when I finally was free. Free enough to know I don't ever want to go back to rehab ever again and I'll do whatever it takes to make sure that doesn't happen...and that is why I'm here on this website today. To reach out to people needing help for something I've overcome. I cannot believe I'm on the other end of this thing today, but just imagine you can be too! Imagine how awesome it will feel a year from now when you can come back here and help others! I will pray for you that the right answers will come to you. This is a big decision you have to make and only you know if you're ready for it or not. You don't have to make any decisions right away, but if you are worried and scared to death to lose your best friend adderall like I was, then you have already crossed a bridge to your recovery. You have admitted you have a problem. This is the first stage of your recovery. I remember crying uncontrollable upon coming to grips with my addiction. It was the most terrifying feeling I'd ever known. To feel so completely and utterly dependent upon a substance that was a stupid f-king orange pill...the fact I'd given up my life for it and yet to be so frightened for my life without it all at the same time....it is the worst feeling on earth. I never ever in a million years thought I could do it. I thought I'd take it till I'd die. Life without it seemed unbearable. IN reality that was my addiction talking. My addiction lies to me. It wants me dead. It wants me to be miserable. It is trying to kill me. CHOOSE LIFE today Ashley! You are so worth it my friend. There is a beautiful life waiting for you on the other side of this. This is one of my favorite quotes and I'll leave it at this: E.M. Forster We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. You can do this girl! I have faith in you! Godspeed Erin Erin, So touching, I can't keep from crying Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted March 27, 2012 Author Report Share Posted March 27, 2012 Hello all! I haven't been on here in a few weeks, and I realize it's because I've been avoiding the inevitable, which is now here.....no adderall. I decided to tell my doctor that I wanted to get off of adderall because I just worried about the physical toll it's taking on my body and worsening my anxiety. As I stated earlier, I'm prescribed 30 mg a day, but I've been taking much, much more than that. My doctor doesn't know I've been abusing it, because I've known the implications of telling him that. He agreed with me, of course, and said he'd stop prescribing me. I immediately burst into tears and told him I was too worried about quitting cold turkey. I could see him looking right through me. My addiction took over at that point, and I talked him into weaning me off to "20 mgs a day." I won't ever forget the way he looked at me sobbing over what I just told him, and I have regretted it (somewhat) the second I walked out of his office. I KNOW I did the right thing. It was me realizing that I wanted to do the best thing for myself, and I knew before I got there that day, I wasn't going to allow myself to leave his office with my Rx for 30s in hand. I'm officially out of pills, and it's an awful feeling. I feel a hint of relief at the same time, though. I just want you all to know that you're the reason I had the guts/desire to ever suggest that my doctor lowered my dosage. Since I haven't taken as prescribed in a few years, I know this was more the reality of it all setting in. I've been reading the Blue Book, and I realize I can't make any promises. I just want to show my gratitude to all of you who inspired me to take another baby step or a giant leap...however you want to look at it -Ashley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cjw31 Posted April 7, 2012 Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 You gals flood my cheeks with a deluge everytime I read this Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted April 7, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 7, 2012 Cjw, I loved your wording on that post....."flood my cheeks with a deluge." I have been adderall-free for a week now. I've gained 7 to 8 pounds by eating loads and loads of food, but I was underweight, so this makes me happy The first 4 days I worked about three to four hours and slept 12-16 hours. I still need my naps, but I've been sleeping less. I've forgotten how great it is to enjoy food. It's a daily mental battle (it's constantly still in the back and front and all parts of my mind), and to say it's difficult is an understatement, but my personality has come back! I forgot how funny I am (or at least I appreciate that I find myself hilarious...ha). I want to be around people I care about again. I almost fear writing this post, because I feel like I'm going to jinx it, but the drug is telling me that, not me. I will keep on keepin' on!! -Ashley6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cjw31 Posted April 8, 2012 Report Share Posted April 8, 2012 Thank you ash. That is only the second time I have chimed in on here ever. My comment bears total truth. I wish u much success in your endeavour. I only hope to follow suit and soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 I am just now reading all the responses and I love you guys! Ashley, how are you doing???????? Are you OKAY?! Would love to hear an update on your progress along with anyone else out there who is struggling. You guys CAN do this! It gets easier! Hugs! Lil tex Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 LilTex, Wow, I haven't read this thread in forever. Honestly, I couldn't pull myself to even read my full post. I'm doing much better....9 months adderall-free!!! I still just take it a day at a time, but oh it's been worth it! You mentioned you took part in an article in a magazine that's coming out soon. Is that for Liz Welch? I ask because I'm doing it too, and she gave me a brief story on the other two girls in the article. I remember you posting on here awhile back. I'm glad you're doing well! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Motivation_Follows_Action Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 Ashley I hope you didn't read that first post, because I did, just now, and not having known you from April last year I can honestly say I don't recognize, even from your writing, the girl in the first post. It's amazing how Adderall strips away our ego, sense of self, our pride and dignity. I remember reading that dignity is one of the cornnerstones of humanity. Adderall strips away your own self dignity. Anyway, just wanted to congratulate you again Ashley for the amazing, tremendous journey you've been on. Truly inspiring.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 I just scrolled up and realized we've talked a lot on here :)Sorry, those months were a big blur. You really helped me during that time, so for that I'm forever grateful! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 MFA, I read the last sentence of the first post and was like nope, not right now. Thank you for your consistently kind and uplifting posts. They mean a lot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LILTEX41 Posted January 5, 2013 Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 Yes ma'am! I was wondering if that was you!!! I am SOOO happy to hear you are doing so well. And you have 9 months CLEAN! Whooooo hoooo!!! Did you end up going to rehab? Meetings? So proud of you girl!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ashley6 Posted January 5, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 5, 2013 It's good to hear from you again....thank you I didn't go to rehab. I decided to go and have a consultation with a rehab center in my area, because I was so ready to be done with that life. Just going in for that consultation was a huge wake up call, so I decided I was going to give this adderall-free life a chance on my own, and if I relapsed I'd go to rehab and that's been my deal ever since. I've gone to meetings here and there but not much. This site has been my meetings. Stay in touch Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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