Day 1 of Tapering - Nervous/excited?

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This might be my first time joining a forum with the intent to post/reply to a community. But I feel like this is super important for my adderall detox journey :)

I’m 28, and have been taking adderall on and off for about 11 years (ON for the past 4+ years). I finally graduated from college a few months ago, and successfully cut my dosage from about 45-60mg/day to 15-30mg/day since May.

My plan was to be off completely by the time I had graduated, but I haven’t really been proactive in actually trying to quit... until last night. 

I’ve felt extremely stagnant lately, especially since graduating in the middle of COVID. Everything going on in the world has had me experiencing much more anxiety than normal, and this unfortunately always comes with my neck/shoulder pain flare-ups. I’m not laughing as much as I used to, and that is something that I really miss the most. 

I feel like there’s no better time than now to really do this.. because I honestly feel like I’ve become powerless to Adderall in a way. I feel like I can’t do a simple fucking task like the dishes without it. My boyfriend of 3+ years is super supportive and happy I’m finally attempting to do this. He doesn’t use any substances at all, and I’m so grateful I have him as support through this. But I’m also super nervous for my anticipated side effects. I told him to be prepared for some irritability and extreme fatigue from me. I know he’s always going to be there and understand (he has a brother who has struggled with meth addition for 20+ years), but I’m a bit nervous for him seeing who I am through the detox/withdrawal process. I’ve always been pretty good about organizing/planning and keeping up with the house and to-do lists.. and always have some future DREAM or TRIP or IDEA for us. Lol now that I think about it maybe he’ll enjoy my new sense of “calm,” being that he’s the most laid-back person I know.

I feel like I’m going to experience so much fatigue and confusion here in the next few weeks, which scares me. I have some self-doubt but at the same time I’m super excited to be doing this. If that makes any sense.

I planned out and wrote down a schedule for tapering off. Starting with 15mg/day this week, and tapering down by 5mg/week the following 2 weeks. I gave my boyfriend the rest of my script to hide/throw out or whatever he wanted to do with it. It’s hard to see myself asking for it back because I think I would feel too much shame, and I know how proud he is of me for taking this first step. We’ll see, I guess!

This is A LOTTT but I don’t really have anyone I feel comfortable spilling all of this to who would truly understand. The friends I do feel the most comfortable talking to are still on adderall (my best friend is being very supportive though), and I don’t want to kill them with all of this talk just yet. I don’t want them to feel more ashamed for still taking it themselves. I know my best friend struggles with that, and I’m hoping my journey will inspire her, too. 

Anyways - I’m so glad to have found this forum. I’ve already read so many inspiring (and relatable) stories.

If anyone has tips for extreme fatigue (other than caffeine) that would be amazing! This is the part I’m most worried about. 

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@Sydney getting enough sleep is so important for the fatigue. B vitamins help with energy. Drink some coffee. Get some exercise. Just simply hang out as much as you possibly can early on and don’t feel ashamed about it. You’re going to do great. You have the understanding and support you need and we are all here to help as well. Stick to your plan and keep your head up and you’ll get through this. 

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Awesome to hear. It sounds like you have a great support system already in place. Quitting Adderall will give you your life back, not immediately but definitely! Not being on stimulants will allow you to exercise your will-power muscle which was not being used previously because Adderall was doing all of that for you. I too came to a point where I felt like I couldn't do a simple task without Addy and that was a dangerous place.

Learning how to get things done without medication is hard, but definitely do-able and you WILL adapt!! Literally just take it one day at a time. Try your hardest not to stress and think about how hard it will be two or three weeks from now. You will drain your mental energy and you need all of it right now. Try not to use up your mental storage on unnecessary things! Don't sweat the small stuff for now. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. It doesn't matter how slow you move with this progress, you are headed in the right direction. Progress is progress none the less. 

I am totally rooting for you and I know for sure that you can do this. We are part of your support system and any one of us is willing to help you along your journey. We are all going through this at different stages, but we can all relate! Best of luck @Sydney and I am excited to hear about your inevitable progress!

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